Part 15 (1/2)
Tim had thought she was joking. She hadn't been. She'd play the punishment game, and d.a.m.n well any other game...on her terms. Sighing, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked back at him. ”If you're that far into the lifestyle, we probably need to call it quits here, Marc. I play at it. But I won't ever do more than dance around the edges of it and I'll admit that. I don't want to live it and heaven help the man who thinks I'll address him as Master just because I prefer to get topped during s.e.x.”
”That happened?”
”s.h.i.+t, what is this, twenty questions?” Scooping her hair out of her face, she shrugged. ”Yes. We went to the club and Tim made the mistake of introducing me as his slave. His first mistake. Because I never agreed to be anybody's slave. A few of the guys he knew seemed to think that meant I'd call them Master. I informed them otherwise. I think...” She paused, remembering back to the way a few of them had looked at Tim. ”I think some realized he was trying to take things in a direction I didn't like. One guy even suggested I have a talk with my husband, make sure we had clear-cut rules. We never got around to it. We had a fabulous fight that night. A few days later, I found the lump. And that's all she wrote.”
Absently, she twisted the ring on her finger. Remade... She'd remade herself. Scarred, stronger. And better, she realized. The woman she was wouldn't have even bothered going to that club with Tim. The woman she was now wouldn't have bothered with Tim.
”I don't tend to do the club scene,” he said, his voice cutting into the silence.
Staring at his bowed head as he continued to play, Chaili said, ”I can't say that bothers me. But if you don't do the club scene, how do you know about Blue's?”
”Well...” He slanted a look up at her. ”If you're looking to find a certain sort of...partner, discreetly, Blue's got the right place for you.” Shrugging, he said, ”It's not what I'd prefer but it does the job. Some of the people who use the club... Well, it's everything. They live it, breathe it. It's their life. Not just in the bedroom, but everywhere. If that's what works for you, then that's fine. I've found what works for me. I'm not living any sort of lifestyle but my own. Trying to fit into somebody else's version of a lifestyle interests me about as much as what my neighbors had for dinner last night.”
The knot that had been tightening in her gut started to ease a little. ”So what did they have for dinner?”
He shot her a wide grin. ”What the f.u.c.k...ah, what the h.e.l.l do I care?” s.h.i.+fting his attention back to the piano, he said, ”I tend to want to be in control in the bedroom. That's just who I am. I'm bossy, I'm pushy and I don't plan on changing who I am. It wouldn't work anyway.”
”I don't want to change you.” She settled back down on the bench and leaned against him for a moment.
The music stilled for a moment. ”I know that. I'm kind of amazed by it. But I know.” The music resumed. ”There are things that I find...useful from the lifestyle that I use. Safe words. Makes it easier, especially when I don't know limits. Then there's the fun stuff...”
”Fun stuff?”
”Hmmm. What are your limits, Chaili? What don't you like?”
”Ah...” She licked her lips. Her heart b.u.mped against her ribs and she could feel the slow crawl of blood creeping up her neck, staining her face red. Tugging at the neckline of her s.h.i.+rt, she squirmed around on the seat, trying to figure what to say, how much to say. If she even knew what to say...
This was a lot harder than she would have thought. A more personal discussion, she'd never had. ”I'm not into group stuff. No threesomes, foursomes, moresomes.”
”Moresomes?” He paused for a minute and started to laugh. ”Nah. Don't worry. Moresomes aren't an issue and I'll beat the s.h.i.+t out of the man who even suggests it. Just you and me, Chaili. As long as we're together, it's just you, just me. I won't have another woman, you won't have another man.”
”What if I want another woman?” she asked teasingly, although that was something else that had been pushed at her.
”Don't.” He shot her a look. ”If you decide you want somebody else, anybody else, let me know and we end it. I don't share, Chaili. At all.”
”I don't either.” She held his gaze, watched as the hot, pleased little smile curled his lips before he went back to playing, like his entire life was wrapped up in that piano. She understood, though. Marc's mind just functioned better when he played. He'd always been like that. He'd even studied better when he played the piano. If he could find a way to cook and play the piano, he'd do it. Bathe. Shop. Sleep. Everything.
”So there's that ground rule established. The watching thing...” He shrugged. ”If you get the need to watch we can always head over to Blue's. I don't much mind that. You can wear a skirt, even. I'll yank it up and show you things that p.u.s.s.y you married couldn't even begin to think of.”
She laughed, the sound more than a little breathless. More than a little nervous. ”Okay.”
”I don't want to share you in any way, though. That includes letting another man see you when I f.u.c.k you. Do you need that?”
”No...” The word was barely a whisper.
”Good.” He stopped playing, turned on the bench to stare at her. ”What do you need?”
You. Just you...but she didn't dare tell him that. ”I don't need any of it. I just...”
”No hiding,” he rasped, shaking his head. ”I don't want you hiding. I'll tell you what I want, what I need, but I want the same from you.”
”You strip me bare, you know that?” Looking away, she stared out the window at the endless expanse of the water. ”What we've done gives me what I need. I can take it harder, rougher...I like it harder sometimes. I want that. Other times, I just want...” She shrugged, reaching up to toy with the neckline of her s.h.i.+rt.
”I just want a man to make love to me. Just us. I won't ever be any man's slave, though, and it all stops at the bedroom door... s.e.xually, I'm more inclined to submit, but I don't think you can call me a submissive because I'm not looking just to please you. That's not my primary concern. It's a big thought in my head, but...” She shrugged and closed her eyes. ”I want something out of it too. Maybe that sounds selfish, but...”
”That's not selfish. It's human. I sure as h.e.l.l want something out of s.e.x, even if I want to make sure you come so hard you're still feeling me inside you an hour later.” He wrapped his arm around her upper body, pulling her back against him. ”I think we've already established we're not talking about any sort of typical D/s relations.h.i.+p, baby girl. Let's worry about what we need, not what rules others live by.”
He slipped his hand under her s.h.i.+rt, his fingertips tracing over the tattoo. ”What else do you need? What do you like?”
”It's your turn now,” she said, her voice shaky.
”Hmmm.” Marc turned his face into her hair, brought his other hand around her and pressed it to her belly, fingers spread wide. ”If it's s.e.x, I'll want to control it for the most part. That's just me. Like if I tell you I want you to strip naked and eat dinner that way so I can stare at you and think about the many different ways I'm going to f.u.c.k you, I'd want you to do it.”
”And if I say no, because I'd be cold, then what?”
”I'd turn up the heat. But if it really bothered you...” He shrugged. ”Then maybe we'd just come back to the issue in a few weeks. And I wouldn't drop it unless you gave me a good reason. Your scars aren't a reason. They're part of you and I find you beautiful.”
Tears clogged her throat. ”I don't see how.”
”Take off your s.h.i.+rt.”
With a watery laugh, she whispered, ”Is this a s.e.x thing?”
His hands gripped her s.h.i.+rt. ”It's a 'Marc wors.h.i.+ps you and wants you to see what he sees' thing,” he whispered, dragging the material up.
She let him. When he turned her around, he traced his fingers over the scar. ”This doesn't make you any less, Chaili,” he whispered. ”You're still the same funny, amazing, smart woman I've known most of my life. Do you still do the work down at the kid's center in the summer?”
”Yes.” She tucked her chin, unable to look at him. But watching his hands on her flesh was...
Well. Startlingly erotic.
”And when Shera gets sick with her asthma, are you the one who's nagging her about her medicine, going to the doctor, all that stuff?”
”Yes.”
”And you're the one who nagged her into quitting smoking, aren't you?”
She grimaced. ”h.e.l.l. It wasn't that hard. When you're sitting there dog sick from the drugs, recovering from surgery, and you tell your friend you'd like her to not end up dealing with cancer...well. She got the point.”
”Not everybody would care enough to try.” He nuzzled her neck and then went to his knees, tracing his fingers along the tattoo. Pressing his lips to it, along the curves of the b.u.t.terfly's wings. Then s.h.i.+fting his attention to the scars. ”This didn't change who you are.”
Tears p.r.i.c.ked at her eyes as he tugged the s.h.i.+rt back on. ”And I find that tattoo h.e.l.la s.e.xy, by the way.”
A startled laugh escaped her and she rolled her eyes. ”Whatever.”
He turned her back around, resting his chin on her shoulder as they stared out over the water. ”I want to control s.e.x. I won't always need it, but for the most part, I'll want to. I've already had about ten thousand different fantasies about the ways I want to tie you up, tie you down...” He cupped her in his hand and pressed the heel of his palm against her mound. ”I plan on doing the first one tonight.”