Part 58 (1/2)

”There is no middle course,” said Charles X. to Talleyrand, ”between the throne and the scaffold!” ”Your Majesty forgets the post-chaise!”

CRABB ROBINSON, _Diary_.

I could not, while you shone, Run all that heartless _babble off_ That marks the modern _Babylon_.

ROBERT REECE, in _Comic Poets_.

_TO AN IMPORTUNATE HOST DURING DINNER AND AFTER TENNYSON._

Ask me no more: I've had enough Chablis; The wine may come again, and take the shape, From gla.s.s to gla.s.s, of ”Mountain” or of ”Cape;”

But, my dear boy, when I have answered thee, Ask me no more.

Ask me no more: what answer should I give?

I love not pickled pork nor partridge pie; I feel if I took whisky I should die; Ask me no more--for I prefer to live: Ask me no more.

Ask me no more: unless my fate is sealed, And I have striven against you all in vain: Let your good butler bring me Hock again: Then rest, dear boy. If for this once I yield, Ask me no more.

W. D. A.

Sir Robert Grant told a story well, and could pun successfully without boring. By way of instance, on the beach at Sidmouth he p.r.o.nounced the six beautiful Miss Twopennys to be the ”Splendid s.h.i.+lling.”

LORD TEIGNMOUTH, _Reminiscences_.

Oh to be wafted away From this black Aceldama of sorrow, Where the dust of an earthy to-day, Is the earth of a dusty to-morrow!

_Bunthorne_, in W. S. GILBERT's _Patience_.

One said, painters were cunning fellows, for they had a colour for everything they did.

_Conceits, Clinches_, etc. (1639).

Dey vent to hear a breecher of De last sensadion shtyle, 'Twas 'nough to make der tyfel weep To see his ”awful shmile.”

”Vot bities dat der Fechter ne'er Vos in Theologie.

Dey'd make him pishop in dis shoorsh,”

Said Breitmann, said he.

C. G. LELAND, _Breitmann Ballads_.

”Oh! Pat; and what do you think will be your feelings on the day of judgment when you meet Mrs. Mahoney, and the pig you stole from her, face to face?” ”Does your reverence think the pig will be there?” ”Ay, indeed, will he; and what will ye say then?” ”I shall say, your reverence, 'Mrs. Mahoney, dear, here's the pig that I borrowed of ye, and I'm mighty glad to have this opportunity of restoring him!'”

_Life of Rev. W. Harness._