Part 9 (1/2)

_Once a Week._

There was a Presbyterian minister who married a couple of his rustic paris.h.i.+oners, and had felt exceedingly disconcerted, on his asking the bridegroom if he were willing to take the woman for his wedded wife, by his scratching his head and saying, ”Ay, I'm wullin'; but I'd rather hae her sister.”

J. C. YOUNG, _Diary_.

The prospect's always fine in the Prospectus!

J. R. PLANCHe, _Songs and Poems_.

Animals are such agreeable friends--they ask no questions, they pa.s.s no criticisms.

GEORGE ELIOT, _Mr. Gilfil's Love Story_.

There is a _tact_, Which keeps, when pushed by questions rather rough, A lady always distant from the fact: The charming creatures lie with such a grace, There's nothing so becoming to the face.

LORD BYRON, _Don Juan_.

Walked Corry over to Bowood. In looking at the cascade, he mentioned what Plunket said, when some one, praising his waterfall, exclaimed, ”Why, it's quite a cataract.” ”Oh, that's all my eye,” said Plunket.

THOMAS MOORE, _Diary_.

These panting damsels, dancing for their lives, Are only maidens waltzing into wives.

ALFRED AUSTIN, _The Season_.

Another friend a.s.sured me it was policy to ”feed a cold and starve a fever.” I had both.

So I thought it best to feed myself up for the cold, and then keep dark and let the fever starve awhile.

In a case of this kind, I seldom do things by halves.

I ate pretty heartily. I conferred my custom upon a stranger who had just opened his restaurant that morning.

He waited near me in respectful silence, until I had finished feeding my cold, when he inquired if the people about Virginia were much afflicted with colds? I told him I thought they were. He then went out and took in his sign.

MARK TWAIN, _Choice Works_.

A fine lady is like a cat; when young, the most gamesome and lively of all creatures--when old, the most melancholy.

ALEXANDER POPE, in LOCKER's _Patchwork_.

'Tis the voice of the lobster; I heard him declare ”You have baked me quite brown, I must sugar my hair.”

As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose Trims his belt and his b.u.t.tons, and turns out his toes.