Part 2 (1/2)
LORD BYRON, _Don Juan_.
Now Darwin proves as clear as mud, That, endless ages ere the Flood, The Coming Man's primeval form Was simply an Ascidian worm: And having then the habit got Of pa.s.sing liquor down his throat, He keeps it still, and shows full well That Man--was--once----a leather bottel.
LORD NEAVES, _Songs and Verses_.
”The ancients,” quoth Paul, ”were very great men, Mr. MacGrawler.”
”They were so, sir,” returned the critic; ”we make it a rule in our profession to a.s.sert that fact.”
”But, sir,” said Paul, ”they are wrong now and then.”
”Never, Ignoramus, never.”
”They praised poverty, Mr. MacGrawler,” said Paul, with a sigh.
”Hem,” quoth the critic, a little staggered; but presently recovering his characteristic ac.u.men, he observed, ”It is true, Paul, but that was the poverty of other people.”
LORD LYTTON, _Paul Clifford_.
Yes, Fortune deserves to be chidden, It is a coincidence queer-- Whenever one wants to be hidden Some blockhead is sure to appear!
FREDERICK LOCKER, _London Lyrics_.
One day in the country [Sheridan Knowles] said to Abbot, with whom he had been acting there, ”My dear fellow, I'm off to-morrow. Can I take any letters for you?” ”You're very kind,” answered Abbot; ”but where are you going to?” ”_I haven't made up my mind._”
J. R. PLANCHe, _Recollections_.
_BLUE STOCKINGS._
The newspapers lately have taught us to know How some strong-minded hens are beginning to crow.
But, dear ladies, beware: take the word of a friend, That when rivalry comes, all affection must end.
With the brightest of _spoons_ would be war to the _knife_ In political contests 'twixt husband and wife; And the sentence of doom might be sudden and brief If a feminine subaltern jilted her chief.
We men take a pride in concealing our chains, And would like to be thought to monopolize brains; So I'll give you this maxim, my counsels to crown-- _If the stockings are blue, keep the petticoats down._
_Once a Week._
Talking of Kean, I mentioned his having told me that he had eked out his means of living, before he emerged from obscurity, by teaching dancing, fencing, elocution, and boxing. ”Elocution and boxing!” (repeated Bobus Smith)--”a word and a blow.”
THOMAS MOORE, _Diary_.
_MILITARY._
Smart soldiers like to be well tightened in: Loose habits would destroy all discipline.
H. J. BYRON, in _English Epigrams_.
Fontaine, the architect, who built the triumphal arch in the Carrousel, placed upon it an empty car, drawn by the famous bronze Venetian horses. Talleyrand asked him, ”_Qui avez vous l'intention de mettre dans le char?_” The answer was, ”_L'Empereur Napoleon, comme de raison_.” Upon which Talleyrand said, ”_Le char l'attend_.”