Part 12 (2/2)
Tobias gave a short, sharp laugh. ”Don't you wish to visit with me?”
A protest hovered on her lips, and she teetered between honesty and good manners. Honesty won. ”Is this some kind of test? Are you here to shake my virtuous resolve, Mr. Roth?”
Is that even possible anymore? Too much had been stripped away from her. She wasn't even sure she had that kind of feeling left in the ruins of her heart. And yet, while she'd adored Nick for as long as she could remember, she had once pined for Tobias, too. There was a time when they had both held a piece of her soul, and to her confusion she had learned that it was entirely possible to love more than one person.
But in the end, it became all too clear that Tobias couldn't love whom he chose, and now he was more entangled than ever. And after the feast of Nick's pa.s.sion, she would never go back. She would have all of a man, without reserve, or nothing at all.
Tobias was regarding her sadly. ”You were never the one at fault, Evelina. That was always me.”
Evelina gave him a long, careful look. His clothes were still fine, but there was something untidy about him. It wasn't the disarray of a drunkard or a mad genius. He looked as if he simply didn't care anymore. As if something inside him had broken.
”Don't be daft,” she said more tartly than she intended, and turned to fuss with the books on her desk. ”We never did more than kiss.”
”Only that? I rather thought we meant something to each other once.”
Evelina froze, her back to him. She gripped a heavy book, longing to throw it. ”Of course! Yes!”
”I'm happy to hear it.”
Anger speared through her-at him, at Keating, at herself for rising to the bait. She didn't want this, and Tobias didn't know enough to leave her in peace. She felt her fingers clench hard, nails digging into the book's fat spine. ”I surrender. What do you want me to say?”
She abandoned the volume and turned. They ended up mere feet apart, squared off like opponents in the ring. Gradually, a silence fell over the room, the only sound the rain pattering outside, a door closing down the hall. Evelina could feel the s.p.a.ce between them like a physical pressure, hot and p.r.i.c.kling on the skin.
”Say nothing.” Tobias's face was bland but when he spoke, his voice held an entire palette of emotion. ”I'm forced to be your jailor. I'm supposed to ensure you are behaving yourself. That is all.”
And at that moment she knew that this visit was his punishment, not hers. Keating was well aware that it hurt Tobias to see her. How much her magic appalled him. She sucked in her breath, feeling it catch under her heart. It would destroy Tobias if he thought she understood-and worse yet if they acted on any lingering feelings. They knew that from the last time they'd slipped. Never again.
Evelina felt as if she were falling. She was already choking on the ocean of grief in the room and it seemed unfair that she had to find strength to face more. But there was no choice-people in shackles didn't get to walk away. And just because Tobias couldn't be her lover, that didn't mean she dismissed his pain.
Mustering her courage, she drew herself up, raising her chin at a teasing angle. ”I'm going to write and complain. Even a prisoner has rights.”
His eyebrows rose. ”Rights?”
”You're like a bad omen. Whenever you and I meet, things go wrong. The least Keating could do is protect me from that.”
One corner of his mouth quirked. ”You can't blame me for everything. It smells like something exploded in here.”
”You knocked and startled me.”
”And caused an explosion?”
”I spilled my solution into the flame. It was your fault.”
”That's logic fit for a madhouse.”
”Don't be cruel.” She held up her wrists to show the silver cuff on each arm. ”If I've gone half insane, consider my circ.u.mstances.”
His chin tucked in, a gesture of surprise, and then he grasped her right forearm for a better look. Silence held them for a moment. Until Keating had taken her prisoner, Tobias had never known about her magic-indeed, he loathed anything that smacked of the supernatural. She braced herself for recrimination and distaste, but it didn't come.
”Keating told me about these.” He turned the bracelets over. They appeared solid, their only markings a tiny bit of flowing script that read: Her Majesty's Scientific Laboratories.
”Did he tell you how they work?” she asked.
He shook his head. ”Only that the cuffs keep you within the boundary of the college. Keating's men can track you if you wander off.”
She shuddered. ”I would never make it that far. They deliver a horrid shock if I try to leave. It's as if a thousand darning needles are amputating my arms at the elbows.”
Evelina felt a b.l.o.o.d.y satisfaction at the horrified look on his face. But beneath her triumph was a twisting ma.s.s of hurt and shame. She'd been trapped and caged, and it galled her.
”That's monstrous,” he said softly.
She didn't know how to reply to the pity in his voice. But then she saw his bandage, and it gave her something else to focus on. ”You're hurt.” She reached out, touching the wound linen that peeked from beneath his sleeve.
”Just a steam burn,” he said. ”Nothing at all. Nothing like the rest of our wounds.” And he put his hand over hers, fingers gently wrapping hers in familiar warmth.
Oh, no. She put her other palm against the gray wool of his coat, jewels of rain still caught on the soft weave. His chest moved, alive and warm, and loneliness swamped her. But this time she knew enough to pull away. That loneliness was her ache for someone else. Someone who not only loved her magic, but had his own. ”I made this bargain.”
”For the sake of Captain Niccolo,” Tobias said in a tight voice.
There was nothing she could say. ”Yes.”
There was a long silence, then Tobias sighed, something extinguished in his eyes. ”I'm sorry. Believe that I want you to be happy.”
Evelina felt her chin tremble and ducked her head. If she cried, Tobias would hold her, and right then they were both sad enough to need the warmth of it. But it wouldn't lead anywhere either of them could go. She cleared her throat, pulling her pride to her like a child clutches a blanket. ”Are you happy?”
He hesitated, but then his mouth quirked. ”Sometimes.”
”I'm glad.” She felt the energy between them s.h.i.+ft, moving away from the most dangerous ground. She relaxed an infinitesimal degree. ”And at least I get the education I always wanted.”
”Is it everything you thought?”
His question caught her off guard. ”No.”
Tobias stood patiently, waiting for more.
”I don't know,” she finally said. ”I've been through too much to content myself with the predigested nonsense they consider suitable for females.”
A smile tugged at his lips. ”I understand there was an incident. Were you making a statement?”
She sighed. ”For the record, the demise of the laboratory was not premeditated.”
”Keating hopes you'll find a way to put magic into machines. It would put him miles ahead of the rest of the Steam Council.”
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