Part 15 (1/2)

”Did you say Lanie?” Johanna's voice was barely above a whisper.

I couldn't keep a secret from Johanna. ”I saw them kissing in the lockers,” I told her.

I heard Johanna take a deep breath. ”Now I have the answer to my problem. I didn't factor in Bradley cheating on me--with the most popular girl at school.”

”Sorry, Johanna,” I said.

”At least I know, Bea. It was driving me crazy trying to figure out why Bradley and I didn't work out. I mean, I dressed how he likes, ate the foods he likes, had conversations about his interests. Now I'm going to have to figure out a way to include cheating in my calculations.”

”I think I'm giving up on your formula,” I started to say, but she screamed on the other end.

”Don't you dare, Beatrice! We are going to see this through and have a date for senior prom. I promise you that.”

”It didn't work for me--”

”And we both know why,” she cut in. ”Give it one more chance, Bea. Just one. I know it will work.”

Like an idiot, I agreed to try one more time. I know I was going to rule out any athletes--I was done with putting my b.u.t.t through physical activity for no good reason. I thought about all the guys in my cla.s.ses. English cla.s.s seemed to have the cutest guys in it so I would concentrate my efforts there.

The next day, I took my seat in the back of the room like usual and watched every guy that walked in. I decided to set my target on Johnny P. That was his stage name. Johnny was a cute guy who was always laughing and liked entertaining the other kids at lunch by dancing. He did some kind of crazy robotic hip hop dance. He'd received almost a million hits when one of his friends posted a video of him online. Since I never saw him with a girl, I figured he was available. I'd really have to do some homework on this guy to make sure I wanted to put out any effort. I wasn't going to make the same mistake that I'd made with Michael.

At lunch I dragged Johanna to the outside basketball courts where Johnny P. liked to entertain. A group had already gathered and the music was so loud I felt the ground vibrating under my feet. We watched Johnny move his body to the beat. It wasn't really my thing, but surely he wouldn't expect his date to know how to dance like that.

”I don't know,” Johanna whispered in my ear. ”I mean, he's cute, but how are you going to find out what he likes in a girl?”

”I guess I'll have to ask around.”

I moved to the front of the group and checked out the kids that seemed to be some sort of groupies. They were hard core fans who came out, rain or snow, whenever Johnny P. performed. Most of the girls were tattooed with ring piercings. Funny thing because Johnny actually looked clean cut with his short brown hair and basic T-s.h.i.+rts with jeans.

I nudged a chubby guy wearing a bright orange coat. It looked like a big version of a swimmers life vest with sleeves.

”Is Johnny dating anyone?” I asked in a low voice. He frowned and held his hand to his ear like he couldn't hear, so I repeated myself. He shrugged and turned his attention back to Johnny.

I made my way to the front line--to the tattooed girls. One didn't look too menacing so I approached her with the same question. She looked at me as though examining me, twisting the gum in her mouth with her tongue.

”Who wants to know?” she asked in a hoa.r.s.e voice. She probably smoked cigarettes.

”I've got a friend who thinks he's cute,” I said with a smile.

She looked around the crowd. ”I don't think so. I never see him with girls.”

”Is he gay?” I blurted out.

All I saw was a blurry image of a fistful of fingers coming toward my face. I turned just enough that her fist landed on my cheek. I don't think she appreciated my remark.

Of course, the crowd liked that. Everyone started chanting, ”Fight! Fight! Fight!” Then all these kids were hitting each other. I got down on my knees and crawled through the crowd till I was able to get out of the mess. Teachers' whistles started blowing and the crowd dispersed. Even Johnny. So much for getting information on him.

Johanna and I ran back to the safety of the lunch courtyard. My cheek hurt and I bet there was a red mark where the girl had made contact. Johanna laughed like crazy, bending over to clutch her stomach.

”Only you, Bea!” she screeched. ”There is no one like you in the world.”

I didn't think it was that funny. ”She hurt my cheek,” I said huffily.

”What did you ask her?”

I hesitated. My big fat mouth had done it again. ”I asked if Johnny P. was gay.”

”You can't do that, Bea. Those are his fans.”

”Excuse me, Johanna, but she said she's never seen him with girls. I know I've never seen him with a girl.You know...”

I let my voice trail off. Johanna shook her head at me. ”He's not gay, Bea. He's just busy. I think you should pick someone else. Unless you're prepared to dance.”

”Dance?”

”I did see him do a dance off with a girl once and they left together afterwards.”

”Johanna, do I look like the kind of girl who could do a dance off? And with Johnny P. of all people?”

”You've got moves, Bea. And Johnny's cute. And--the girl he did a dance off with was about your size.”

I rolled my eyes. ”No way. You're not talking me into it.”

”Come on. You have to do it, Bea,” Johanna begged. ”I feel good about Johnny.”

”Then you do it,” I said and crossed my arms to challenge her.

Johanna laughed. ”You know I have two left feet. I was already sweating the thought of dancing with Bradley at Winter Formal.”

Johanna was right. She had no rhythm. None. At least that junk in my trunk made for a good cha cha now and then. I could roll my hips with the best of them. But to try to get Johnny's attention by challenging him to a dance off? I had my doubts it would work.

”Sometimes, Johanna, I feel like you get me into things like this just so you can have a good laugh.”

Johanna flashed a smug smile. She knew I was going to do it. As long as there weren't any popular, beautiful people watching, I would make a fool of myself with only the hope of getting a date with Johnny as my reward.

I went home that day and started practicing in my room, blaring my music so loud that Mom had to force her way into my room to turn it down. When I told her I was entering into a dance compet.i.tion at school, she got really interested. Of course, I left out the little detail that it was all to try to get a guy interested in me.

For a larger woman, my mom is a great dancer. When I was little, she took video of me trying to follow her performing the salsa. I wasn't too bad. At least, for a five-year old. She lingered in my room to watch me. I stopped and put my hands on my hips so she would leave me alone.

Once she was gone, I let everything that jiggled on me be free. My b.o.o.bs were flopping, my hips were shaking, my head was sashaying. Out of breath, I fell onto the bed. What was I thinking? Seriously. A dance off with an almost celebrity at my school. No way I could pull it off. No way--unless I had the help of Mom and Marge.

I heard their voices outside my bedroom and then--boom--they crashed into my room, dancing like they were having a rabies fit. I laughed so hard I felt tears streaming down my cheeks.

Marge stopped in front of me and thrust out her hip. ”We're not stopping, honey, till you let us help you with your dance compet.i.tion.”

”All right. All right,” I shrieked. ”Only it can't be old woman dancing.”

Marge looked at Mom who feigned a shocked expression. ”Oh, no she didn't.”

”Oh, yes she did,” Mom said with a toss of her head and a snap of her fingers. She turned off the music. ”We can help you, Bea. You know we can.”