Part 18 (1/2)

--But no, some one would have to attend to the light!--

I thought of being a hall-boy. But you are not paid very much.--I said, however, that I would at least get some sort of a place up-town. I could not stand it down in the ”business” world.

G.o.d, how horrible it is! All that seething effort--and for what? All this ”business”--is it really necessary to the developing of the souls of men?

Does each man in that rus.h.i.+ng mob need more money yet, to begin developing his soul?

--Another occupation! I saw myself a lonely hunter, living by a mountain lake, and shooting game for a living! I wonder if that wouldn't be possible. I never shot any game, but I could learn.

It would suit me perfectly to sit by a mountain lake and read Greek and watch for ducks.

July 27th.

I was getting down pretty close to the limit again, but I got something to do to-day. I had to take what I could find; it is what would be called a good position, I suppose; I am in a wholesale-paper store. I get twelve dollars, and that is quite something.

The business of the will is to face the things that come--not any other things. Now I have to drill and discipline myself anew, to learn to save my soul alive in a wholesale-paper store!

It is a great, dingy place, full of chaffering, hungry-looking men. They are all desperately serious; it is a great ”business house,” I believe; the very atmosphere of it is deadly poison.

--Oh bald-headed, grim-visaged senior-partner, that didst gaze at me over black-rimmed spectacles--so I have ”an opportunity to rise,” have I?

Yes,--I shall rise upon wings of a sapphire sheen, and toss myself up in the wind and shake down showers of golden light into thy wondering eyes, oh bald-headed, grim-visaged senior-partner!

--It is my business to show samples of paper. I shall learn all about them in a few days, and then I shall go at the Greek.

July 28th.

Whenever I feel weary I run off into a corner and whisper into my ear, ”It is done! Be not afraid!” Instantly my heart goes up like swift music.

July 31st.

Twelve days since I left The Captive; they said it would take three weeks.