Part 21 (1/2)

This ingenuous plea in confession and avoidance pleased the Court. He got off with a reprimand.

The _liaison_ officers deserve a chapter to themselves. Their name alone is so endearing. Their mission is not, as might be supposed, to promote _mariages de convenance_ between English Staff officers and French ladies, but to transmit billets-doux between the two Armies and, generally, to promote the amenities of military intercourse. As a rule they are charming fellows, chosen with a very proper eye to their personal qualities as well as their proficiency in the English language.

Among them I met a Count belonging to one of the oldest families in France, an Oriental scholar of European reputation, and a Professor of English literature. The younger ones studied our peculiarities with the most ingratiating zeal, and one of them, in particular, played and sang ”Tipperary” with masterly technique at an uproarious tea-party in a _patisserie_ at Bethune. Also they smoothed over little misunderstandings about _delits de cha.s.se_, gently forbore to smile at our French, and a.s.sisted in the issue of the _laisser-pa.s.ser_. Doubtless they performed many much more weighty and mysterious duties, but I only speak of what I know. To me they were more than kind; they gave me introductions to their families when I went on official visits to Paris and to the French lines; zealously a.s.sisted me to hunt down evidence, and sometimes accompanied me on my tour of investigation. Among the many agreeable memories I cherish of the _camaraderie_ at G.H.Q. the recollection of their constant kindness and courtesy is not the least.

One word before I leave the subject of the Staff. There has been of late a good deal of pestilential gossip by luxurious gentlemen at home about the Staff and its work. It is, they say, very bad--mostly beer and skittles. I have already referred to these charges elsewhere; here I will only add one word. A Staff is known by its chief. He it is who sets the pace. During the time I was attached to it, the G.H.Q. Staff had two chiefs in succession. The first was a brilliant soldier of high intellectual gifts, now chief of the Imperial Staff at home, who, although embarra.s.sed by indifferent health, worked at great pressure night and day. His successor at G.H.Q. is a man of stupendous energy, commanding ability, and great force of character, who has risen from the ranks to the great position he now holds. By their chiefs ye shall know them. Under such as these there was and is no room for the ”slacker” at G.H.Q. He got short shrift. There were very few of that undesirable species at G.H.Q., and as soon as they were discovered they were sent home. I sometimes wonder whether one could not trace, if it were worth while (which it isn't), these ign.o.ble slanders to their origin in the querulous lamentations of these deported gentlemen, whence they have percolated into Parliamentary channels. But it really isn't worth while.

The public has, I believe, taken the thing at its true valuation. In plain speech it is ”all rot.”

NOTE.--The last paragraph was written before the recent changes at G.H.Q. and at the War Office, but the reader will not need any a.s.sistance in the identification of the two distinguished Chiefs of Staff here referred to.--J.H.M.

FOOTNOTES:

[28] The writer's experience of the trenches is described in some detail in Chapter VIII.

[29] _The Manual of Military Law_.

x.x.x

HOME AGAIN

Sykes had finished packing my kit and had succeeded with some difficulty in re-establis.h.i.+ng the truth of the axiom that a whole is greater than its parts. When I contemplated my valise and its original const.i.tuents, it seemed to me that the parts would prove greater than the whole, and I had in despair abandoned the problem to Sykes. He succeeded, as he always did. One of the first things that an officer's servant learns is that, as regards the regulation Field Service allowance of luggage, nothing succeeds like excess.

Sykes had not only stowed away my original impedimenta but had also managed to find room for various articles of _vertu_ which had enriched my private collection, to wit:

(1) One Bavarian bayonet of Solingen steel.

(2) Two German time-fuses with fetis.h.i.+stic-looking bra.s.s heads.

(3) A clip of German cartridges with the bullets villainously reversed.

(4) A copper loving-cup--_i.e._, an empty sh.e.l.l-case presented to me with a florid speech by Major S---- on behalf of the ----th Battery of the R.F.A.

(5) An autograph copy of _The Green Curve_ bestowed on me by my friend ”Ole Luk-Oie” (to whom long life and princely royalties).

(6) The sodden Field Note-book of a dead Hun given me by Major C---- of the Intelligence, with a graceful note expressing the hope that, as a man of letters, I would accept this gift of _belles-lettres_.

(7) A duplicate of a certain priceless ”chit” about the uses of Ammonal[30] (original very scarce, and believed to be in the muniment-room of the C.-in-C., who is said to contemplate putting it up to auction at Sotheby's for the benefit of the Red Cross Fund).

(8) An autograph copy of a learned Essay on English political philosophers presented to me by the author, one of the _liaison_ officers, who in the prehistoric times of peace was a University professor at Avignon.

(9) A cigarette-case (Army pattern), of the finest Britannia metal, bestowed on me with much ceremony by a Field Ambulance at Bethune, and prized beyond rubies and fine gold.

(10) A pair of socks knitted by Jeanne.[31]

To these Madame[32] had added her visiting-card--it was nearly as big as the illuminated address presented to me by the electors of a Scottish const.i.tuency which I once wooed and never won--wherewith she reminded me that my billet at No. 131 rue Robert le Frisson would always be waiting for me, the night-light burning as for a prodigal son, and steam up in the hot-water bottle.