Part 21 (1/2)

From inside came a loud duet of familiar voices: sometimes they spoke singly, sometimes together. But she could not catch the words: they sounded blurred and indistinct, and she told herself that she was very glad that she could not hear what they said, for that would have seemed like eaves-dropping. The voices sounded angry. Was there another duel pending? And what was it about this time?

Quite suddenly, from so close at hand that she positively leaped off the pavement into the middle of the road, the door was thrown open and the duet, louder than ever, streamed out into the street. Major Benjy bounced out on to the threshold, and stumbled down the two steps that led from the door.

”Tell you it was a worm-cast,” he bellowed. ”Think I don't know a worm-cast when I see a worm-cast?”

Suddenly his tone changed: this was getting too near a quarrel.

”Well, good-night, old fellow,” he said. ”Jolly evening.”

He turned and saw, veiled and indistinct in the mist, the female figure in the roadway. Undying coquetry, as Mr. Stevenson so finely remarked, awoke, for the topic preceding the worm-cast had been ”the s.e.x.”

”Bless me,” he crowed, ”if there isn't an unprotected lady all 'lone here in the dark, and lost in the fog. 'Llow me to 'scort you home, madam. Lemme introduce myself and friend--Major Flint, that's me, and my friend Captain Puffin.”

He put up his hand and whispered an aside to Miss Mapp: ”Revolutionized the theory of navigation.”

Major Benjy was certainly rather gay and rather indistinct, but his polite gallantry could not fail to be attractive. It was naughty of him to have said that he went to bed early on alternate nights, but really.... Still, it might be better to slip away unrecognized, and, thinking it would be nice to scriggle by him and disappear in the mist, she made a tactical error in her scriggling, for she scriggled full into the light that streamed from the open door where Captain Puffin was standing.

He gave a shrill laugh.

”Why, it's Miss Mapp,” he said in his high falsetto. ”Blow me, if it isn't our mutual friend Miss Mapp. What a 'strordinary coincidence.”

Miss Mapp put on her most winning smile. To be dignified and at the same time pleasant was the proper way to deal with this situation. Gentlemen often had a gla.s.s of grog when they thought the ladies had gone upstairs. That was how, for the moment, she summed things up.

”Good evening,” she said. ”I was just going down to the pillar-box to post a letter,” and she exhibited her envelope. But it dropped out of her hand, and the Major picked it up for her.

”I'll post it for you,” he said very pleasantly. ”Save you the trouble.

Insist on it. Why, there's no stamp on it! Why, there's no address on it! I say, Puffie, here's a letter with no address on it. Forgotten the address, Miss Mapp? Think they'll remember it at the post office? Well, that's one of the mos' comic things I ever came across. An, an anonymous letter, eh?”

The night air began to have a most unfortunate effect on Puffin. When he came out it would have been quite unfair to have described him as drunk. He was no more than gay and ready to go to bed. Now he became portentously solemn, as the cold mist began to do its deadly work.

”A letter,” he said impressively, ”without an address is an uncommonly dangerous thing. Hic! Can't tell into whose hands it may fall. I would sooner go 'bout with a loaded pistol than with a letter without any address. Send it to the bank for safety. Send for the police. Follow my advice and send for the p'lice. Police!”

Miss Mapp's penetrating mind instantly perceived that that dreadful Captain Puffin was drunk, and she promised herself that Tilling should ring with the tale of his excesses to-morrow. But Major Benjy, whom, if she mistook not, Captain Puffin had been trying, with perhaps some small success, to lead astray, was a gallant gentleman still, and she conceived the brilliant but madly mistaken idea of throwing herself on his protection.

”Major Benjy,” she said, ”I will ask you to take me home. Captain Puffin has had too much to drink----”

”Woz that?” asked Captain Puffin, with an air of great interest.

Miss Mapp abandoned dignity and pleasantness, and lost her temper.

”I said you were drunk,” she said with great distinctness. ”Major Benjy, will you----”

Captain Puffin came carefully down the two steps from the door on to the pavement.

”Look here,” he said, ”this all needs 'splanation. You say I'm drunk, do you? Well, I say you're drunk, going out like this in mill' of the night to post letter with no 'dress on it. Shamed of yourself, mill'aged woman going out in the mill' of the night in the mill' of Tilling. Very shocking thing. What do you say, Major?”

Major Benjy drew himself up to his full height, and put on his hat in order to take it off to Miss Mapp.

”My fren' Cap'n Puffin,” he said, ”is a man of strictly 'stemious habits. Boys together. Very serious thing to call a man of my fren's character drunk. If you call him drunk, why shouldn't he call you drunk?

Can't take away man's character like that.”