Part 13 (2/2)
I promised. My hunchback put his foot in the stirrup. I too mounted, but with more precaution; and when we were firmly seated on our saddle and he had, by dint of blows, induced his nag to walk on, he resumed his discourse, which I had interrupted so abruptly.
”My dear boy, everyone in this world tries to make money and earn a fortune, that is, unless he is born rich; and still, we see millionaires thinking of nothing but speculation, capitalists engaged in large undertakings in order to double their wealth; and n.o.bles seeking alliances which may add to the splendor of their family. I, who am neither a n.o.ble nor a capitalist nor even a merchant, and have no hope of becoming any one of them, I tried for a long time to think of some means by which I could, if not make a fortune, at least live at my ease.
I soon found that means. With intelligence one soon learns to know men.
I travelled; I studied men's tastes and characters. I saw that, with a little address, poor mortals are easily deceived; all that is necessary is to take them on their weak side, which one can easily divine when one has tact and penetration, as I have.”
”Ah! so you have tact and penetration?” I said to my companion, as I buried in the flanks of our steed some pins which I had discovered on the portmanteau that was between us.
”Yes, my dear boy, I flatter myself that I have.”
”Then, why is your horse going so fast now?”
”Because I keep my whip snapping, and he knows that he is soon going to have his supper.”
”That is true; I see that you have tact.--Well, go on, I am listening.”
”So then, it was by flattering men's pa.s.sions that I found a way to live at my ease; moreover, I instructed myself in botany, medicine, chemistry, and even in anatomy too; and with my knowledge I have not only composed remedies for all diseases but also philters to arouse love, hatred, jealousy, and to make well people sick; it is in this last art that I am particularly proficient.”
”Ah! I understand now. No doubt you sell vulneraries too, like that tall, red man that I used to see in Paris on the squares and street-corners. People called him a charlatan, I believe.”
At the name charlatan, my companion leaped in the saddle in such a way that he nearly threw us both off; luckily I clung firmly to him, and we got off with merely a fright.
”My dear boy,” he said when he had become a little calmer, ”I forgive you the name of charlatan. You don't know me yet; indeed I admit that there is a little charlatanism in my business, and that three-quarters of my remedies and my philters do not produce the effect that is expected of them; but we make mistakes in medicine as we do in everything else. We take cathartics and make ourselves sick; we have a toothache, and we take an elixir which spoils all our teeth; we try to obtain a position which we are not able to fill; we go into maritime speculations which a sudden storm destroys; we think that we have intelligence when we have not the intelligence to succeed, which is the most important of all; we determine to be prudent and we make fools of ourselves; we desire happiness, and we marry and have a wife and children who often cause us untold anxiety!--In short, my little man, people have made mistakes in all lines, and it is great luck when things turn out as we had antic.i.p.ated, or hoped.”
”Look here, monsieur,” I said to my little hunchback, whose chatter was beginning to weary me, ”what do you expect to do with me, after all is said and done?”
”This: when I stop in a village or small town, I cannot make myself sufficiently well known alone; I need an a.s.sistant, to go about the town to deliver prospectuses, and to answer for me when I am busy, and make a memorandum of the questions that people want to ask me.”
”But I don't choose to be your a.s.sistant, as I don't want to learn anything.”
”I understand that very well, my friend. Oh! I don't propose to drive you crazy with fatiguing work. I will have you make pills, that's all.”
”Pills?”
”Yes, pills of all sizes and of all colors. Never fear, it won't be hard; but that isn't all.”
”What else shall I do?”
”You must be able to sleep when you choose, and to play the sleep-walker when you please.”
”Oh! as to sleeping, I can do that all right!”
”When you are asleep, you must answer the questions that are asked you.”
”How do you expect me to answer questions when I am asleep?”
”Why, you will pretend to be asleep, my boy; I will explain all that to you. Oh! that is one of the princ.i.p.al branches of my business.”
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