Chapter 181 - Opening up (2/2)

I will always go to bed hating myself because I felt it's my fault my mother wasn't happy. Even though I was a kid I knew back then ”

Ying Sheng said as her eyes once again began to well in tears.

”The people in the high society made it worse. They just wanted to be my friend because my parents were rich.

No one tried to know the real me so I pushed them away. I began to keep to myself and avoided them. I bullied some too so that they would hate me and not come close to me.

I started getting into troubles, fighting with other kids in school because I knew the school would call my parents but funny they never came.

It was my nanny who always came anytime the school called home.  My parents felt I was destroying their reputation in City S so they sent me away. I was only eleven at that time.

They sent a kid alone to a foreign country. I had no one at that boarding school. I thought if I did well academically my parents would be proud and they would finally notice me.

So I studied hard day and night, I remembered one day before our exams I collapsed due to how I was stressing my body.”

Ying Sheng chuckled dryly. ”The school called my mother that I had collapsed and I needed someone since they were worried about my mental health. Both no one came. I can still see the pitiful looks they were giving me.

One day when I went to the school rooftop I saw a girl smoking. I was curious so I asked her why she was smoking?”

Liam couldn't help but swallow. He never knew she had suffered so much.

”She laughed and said it was a way of escaping from reality. The cigarette and beer healed her and survived every passing day. Then she removed the bandage wrapped around her wrist.”

Ying Sheng's eyes darkened as she got lost in her story.

”To say I was shocked was understatement. Why would someone hurt herself? She said the feeling of the blood draining out of her makes her feel alive. It replaced the emptiness inside her. I thought she was crazy so I left her alone.

That was my biggest mistake. I realized she needed someone to just listen to her but I called her crazy and ran away.  Ten minutes later…...news of someone jumping from the rooftop spread through the school.”

Ying Sheng stopped talking and Liam froze.

”I...killed her. If- I had just listened to her. If I had not call her crazy maybe she wouldn't have—”

”For days I tried calling my parents. I just wanted someone to tell me it wasn't my fault. That my harsh words didn't kill her. That there was nothing I could have done. No, no one was around. The guilt crawled inside my head slowly breaking me.

Years went by and I didn't tell anyone. I became the same person I called crazy. I started drinking, smoking and cutting myself. I realized she wasn't crazy…...no. She was just a sad broken girl who needed love. Wanted someone to understand her.

I was suffocating alone in that foreign country so I came back home. My need for parental love made me come back.

But nothing changed apart from me. I changed. I dyed my hair red, went for a tattoo and started rebelling.

I didn't realize I was losing myself in the process. I was far gone.”