Chapter 145 - War and Fears (1/2)

Trigger Warning: This chapter contains suicide thoughts if it would trigger you or you're uncomfortable PLEASE skip for me. Lots of love.

When Liam got to the bedroom he saw Ying Sheng lying on the bed looking at the ceiling. He was scared she would do anything stupid but surprisingly she was too calm after her outburst.

”Ying Sheng….” He called out gently.

”Hmm?” Ying Sheng replied without looking at him.

”How are you?” Liam asked softly.

Ying Sheng chortled humorlessly.

”You have been asking that alot lately.”

Liam heaved a sigh, ”Tell me what you are thinking.”

”Nothing.” Ying Sheng retorted.

Liam furrowed his brows. ” Don't lie to me. If you don't want to talk about it just tell me.”

Liam said with his voice laced with concern.

Ying Sheng arched her brows and looked in his direction.

”Why do you care?!” She snapped at him bitterly, not missing the way his face contoured.

Ying Sheng realized she was being rude and took a deep breath,

”I-I sorry, I didn't mean that.” She muttered squeezing her eyes shut slightly.

”It's okay. I care because we are friend's.” Liam whispered smiling softly at her.

Ying Sheng sucked in a harsh breath as she ignored the palpation of her heart slamming against her chest.

She blinked rapidly, ignoring the loud voices in her head but they were pestering her.

”Do you really believe him?”

”He would leave you. They all do.”

”No one wants a wreck like you. Save the world of your existence.  End it.”

”No one wants a lonely, pathetic girl. You know your body craves the sharp edge on your skin. Why fight it?”

”Do it, cut it, end it. If your death can help you escape this misery, then why don't you just….”

”Shut up!” Ying Sheng shouted as she held her head.

Liam panicked when he heard her. He rushed towards her and pulled her from the bed.

He shook her before she opened her eyes and stared at him.

”I'm a wreck, Liam. A wreck nobody wants.” Ying Sheng finally spoke looking at the ceiling.

”Me. I tried to be happy, I tried to act like people's words and opinions had no effect on me but I'm tired Liam. So f.u.c.k.i.n.g tired.”

Ying Sheng chuckled humorlessly, ”I can't keep fighting for nothing. Right now, I really want to slice a blade across my wrist. Maybe the pain would finally fill the emptiness inside me.”

Liam just stared at her without interrupting her. He knew this is her, opening up to him.

”Call me, weak but I don't want to hurt anymore.”

Ying Sheng snickered numbly.

”Everyday, I wake up to this depressed world and I wish I didn't.” Ying Sheng whispered as tears began to pool at the back of her eyes.

”I can't do it anymore Liam. No one understands me. To them I'm just a disgrace or a pampered gangster ruining her life. But….”

Ying Sheng took a deep breath, ”They don't know the war I have to fight against the voices in my head every f.u.c.k.i.n.g day. Now I'm loosing the war. I'm tired, I just wanna close my eyes and never wake up. After all, people finally show you love when you're gone.”