Part 20 (1/2)

Even though we've been sleeping in the same bed it seems like Leo is afraid to really touch me. It's like he thinks he'll hurt me.

”I've kissed you,” he insists.

”I mean a real kiss. Not a peck. A kiss with pa.s.sion and fire.”

When he laughs I get a little of that familiar tingling sensation back again.

”That would be like giving a guy one lick of an ice cream cone, but then telling him he can't have the rest of it. That's very dangerous territory, especially when the guy's starving because he hasn't had his favorite ice cream in long time.”

”Or any ice cream, I hope...”

He frowns. ”You know there's only one flavor of ice cream for me. And I can't wait to have it again. When it's ready.”

Leo quickly undresses and gets into bed with me. He grabs my hand and laces our finger together.

For what seems like several minutes Leo is quiet. Too quiet. There's no way he's asleep already. When I glance over at him he looks like he's deep in thought.

”What's on your mind?” I ask.

”Nothing,” he says more quickly than I expect.

Of course I don't believe him. ”Tell me.”

He shakes his head. ”It's not important.”

Now he's got my curiosity piqued. I know one way to get him to tell me, even if it's a bit devious. ”You're planning on leaving me. Go ahead and say it.” My tone is exaggerated so he gets the idea that I'm goading him.

He turns on his side so he's facing me. ”Don't say that, okay?”

”Okay.” I'm surprised his expression has turned so serious.

As he rubs my knuckles with his thumb he says, ”I'm never going to leave you. If anyone does any leaving it'll be you.”

”And why would I do that?” I ask.

”Isn't it obvious?”

I shake my head. ”Not really.”

”Stop using birth control,” he whispers. At least I think that's what he says. It's such a crazy thing for him to say, I'm not 100 percent sure.

”What?” The question pops out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop it.

”Stop using birth control,” he repeats a little louder. ”That's what I was thinking. You said you wanted to know what was on my mind.”

”Why in the world would you even think that?” I'm so shocked I'm not sure what else to say.

”Forget it.”

When I look deep into his dark eyes I can see he's completely serious. ”I'm not going to forget it. You said it and I want to know why?”

He swallows before he says, ”So you won't leave me.” His voice is so quiet it's almost difficult to hear him.

”It's not the 1950s. I can raise a baby on my own. Getting pregnant isn't a guarantee that I won't leave you. And do you really want to trap me into staying with you? You should want me to be with you because I make a choice every day to be with you.”

He nods, but he won't look at me again, so I have a feeling I've hurt his feelings. I never met a guy so sensitive in my life. He tries to cover it with humor and by being a clown, but he really feels things very deeply. There really are so many ways in which he's like a five-year-old in a grown man's body. When I was a kid I was like a 45-year-old in a five-year-old's body, so maybe that makes us even in some weird way.

”Forget I said it,” he says finally.

”No, I won't. I can't. It's not like I don't want to have a kid sometime in the future. And maybe I've even thought about having a kid with you. But not right now. Like years from now, when I've finally got my s.h.i.+t together. Can't we just enjoy the here and now while we're here right now?”

He nods, but I can tell he's not convinced.

”Neither one of us even has our own place to live. We're basically homeless. We can't have a kid while we're still living with Harper and Rayne.”

When I glance over at Leo he looks deep in thought. That makes me extremely nervous. ”What's on your mind?” I probe.

He shakes his head. ”Nothing.”

”I don't believe you.”

”Nothing you need to worry about.” He grins. ”Is that better?”

”Not really,” I tell him. He's been all in for a while. It sounds like he wants me to go all in as well.

Maybe it's time to put on my big girl panties and give him what he wants.

Me.

Because it's pretty obvious I'm not going to get rid of him no matter how hard I try.

”Would you hold me for a while?” I ask.

His eyes completely light up. ”Really?”

I nod.

”I don't want to hurt you...”

”It'll be fine,” I a.s.sure him. ”We can spoon.”

He gives me a huge grin. ”You don't have to ask me twice.”

As soon as I turn so my back is facing him he snuggles up behind me and holds me in his arms. ”Are you sure this is okay?”

More than okay, I want to tell him, but I simply nod instead.