Part 19 (2/2)
Given that I was faking my anger, this exchange struck me as slightly comical, like something out of Yes, Prime Minister, when Jim Hacker had Humphrey Appleby in a corner embarra.s.sed and grasping for words. Elona, however, did not really cut the mustard as ”Sir Humphrey” and that made it hard for me to keep a straight face.
”I thought you knew?” she said.
This was an interesting turn of events. Was Elona implying that there was something going on with Nathan, or just that she thought I knew about the rumour.
”Thought what?” I repeated, gesturing that I needed more clarification.
Elonas eyes started to dart around the room as if she was looking for something to say. Clearly, she was trying to get me to say what I knew, but I did not oblige.
”I thought you......well you had Mike and Nathan in here nearly all afternoon, didnt you?”
”Yes, I did.”
”So you know, dont you?” she prompted again.
”Elona, please tell me what you think I know.”
Elona looked concerned but did not say anything.
”Sit down, Elona,” I said. ”I imagine youre wondering what happened earlier?”
She took her place and nodded. I considered carefully how to put it across.
”I can say with reasonable certainty that we will not be investigating the matter any further.”
She looked relieved. When I remember the way she left my room in some distress, it was good to see her relax.
”Does that mean youve got to the bottom of things?”
I wondered what she wanted to hear. Was she asking who had been found 'guilty? I wished I could tell her more, but to do so would breach the confidentiality I observed in these matters.
”Elona,” I started. ”We wont be looking into it any more. Im satisfied that all parties have told me the truth, at least as far as they are able to, and I dont think that questioning people further will reveal anything more. I accept that youve had a difficult time, and I dont want to add to your distress any more. You can go home tonight and sleep better, I hope.”
I was being economical with the truth, but no untruths pa.s.sed my lips. My only regret was that Elona might think that her account of events had been vindicated. But could she really think that Mike and Nathan would back up her story? That was naivety beyond possibility. She must surely realise I was being kind and saving her face.
She seemed happier and relaxed.
”So dont start any rumours, okay?” I said pointedly.
She looked up and paused for a moment. Then she nodded to indicate that she understood.
”Ive got a question,” Elona said.
I braced myself.
”Do you know anywhere I could stay?”
I didnt enquire why.
”I dont, Im afraid. Have you put a notice on the board?” I asked.
”Dont want to do that,” she said. ”People will ask why, and I dont want to say.”
”Okay. Ill ask around discretely. Is there anything else?”
”No,” she answered.
”Give me a few days,” I said. ”I have an idea.”
Chapter 30.
The evening pa.s.sed off well. The entrepreneur that Dave was promoting came across fairly well, and I quite enjoyed minding him for the evening. He had his younger wife and family with him and the evening was something of a personal endors.e.m.e.nt and triumph for him after years of struggling at home and in university laboratories. He was dynamic and Dave made the most of this during the presentation.
”Ive saved the best for last,” Dave announced. ”All of Sams products involve the use of advanced technology to improve personal hygiene. This last product is something that every woman will want, and every man will want to buy for her. Sam tells me that his wife, Elaine, has extensively tested this final product. She will vouch for it personally.”
Dave cast his eye over to the other side of the stage where Sam and Elaine were standing.
”Play it again, Sam,” said Dave boldly, and there was a gentle ripple of laughter as the video images appeared.
The lights dimmed as the finale began. Sams product range comprised 'advanced technology approaches to personal care that were to say the least sensuous in their design and application. This last product, however, was the one that Dave believed would become a top seller. It was a battery operated hair remover that could be strapped onto arms, legs, or anywhere else that a woman wanted to remove hair. Just as self-exercise belts use gels to transmit current into the muscles (without actually having to do any exercise), Sams product went one further. A narrator started to explain benefits to an attentive audience.
What does every woman want? Yes, to have silky smooth skin. And what does every man want? To buy the ultimate gift for his partner and bring a smile to her face. You want to SHARE. What every woman will want next Christmas, and what every man will want to buy for her, is the - Sensuous Hair Removal Experience.
On the screen, a handsome male model gave a gift wrapped present to a beautiful brunette, her face full of mock excitement at receiving her 'favourite present. Then, as the man wanders onto a patio to reveal a breathtaking mountain landscape, he dons a pair of black gla.s.ses a la Terminator - and a fanfare of music alerts the audience to a James Bond like action sequence. The man jumps off a cliff edge and the next 90 seconds is a tongue in cheek satire of past Milk Tray adverts. The mock-hero slides down the mountain-side, risking life and limb, to deliver a second package to a mansion home in the valley beneath. He leaves the package, with his card, in her bathroom and jumps out of the window into the night. Moments later, a blonde in a long robe picks up the package. With a hint of wickedness in her grin, she takes the package into her stately bedroom and lies down on the four-poster bed.
The music changes again, the model tastefully disrobes, removes the gift from her package and relaxes. The satire switches to playful pastiche of 1980s Flake adverts, and as the models eyes close and she enjoys the sensual delights of the SHARE experience, Sams wife moves to centre stage. Dressed in a daring black dress, adorned with tasteful jewellery, a beam of light is shone onto her from the back of the auditorium and the volume of the music lowered.
”Dear guests Sam and I are so confident that you will enjoy this wonderful product that we and I personally will guarantee that you will treasure it. Weve prepared a gift pack for every woman here tonight. Take away your own SHARE experience and enjoy the benefits of the latest in personal hygiene technology.”
As she stepped back from the microphone, the larger than life model held a pose reminiscent of the flake advert delicately crumbling chocolate between two gorgeous red lips. She sucked, then bit her finger, as her mind becomes occupied with the erotic. Even as I was starting to think that this was a bit OTT, I looked around the hall and saw women alternating their glances at the presentation with chuckles into the ears of their female friends. The eyes of the men, however, were on stalks watching every tiny movement of the model applying gel to the insides of her thighs, then turning the appliance - and herself - on.
n.o.body said it out loud, but everyone clearly understood. This was no ordinary hair remover. As Elaine walked off the stage and sat down next to me, I lent over and whispered into her ear.
”You should be selling this at Ann Summers parties!”
She gave a broad smile and leaned towards me.
”We will be, but we cant say that here.”
It was my turn to smile at her. When I watched Daves practice run, he had not shown me this video. He did tell me that there was another presentation but that Sam and Elaine were keeping it under wraps. I could now see why.
”What accessories?” I whispered with more than a hint of curiosity.
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