Part 20 (1/2)

And I'm like, ”I'll text him. I'm not speaking to him right now.”

So, like, Tommy showed me how you couldn't run too fast, or someone would notice something was up, so you had to sort of go in bursts and I wasn't supposed to jump over cars and whatnot because that s.h.i.+t is a dead giveaway that you are nosferatu. Although I did ”rawr” some tourists on the cable car, because they needed it. And if you ask them they will all be, ”She was tres tres scary, and back in Cowf.u.c.k, Nebraska, we know that 'rawr' is totally a thing because we have family values and whatnot.” scary, and back in Cowf.u.c.k, Nebraska, we know that 'rawr' is totally a thing because we have family values and whatnot.”

So after running in bursts for like three blocks I rawred down a cab that was halted by my awesome dark powers and the hundred-dollar bill I was waving, and we rode to the love lair, where Jared let us in.

And Jared was all, ”OMG, OMG, OMFG, Abs, the rats are dead!”

And I'm like, ”Not news. Awesome vamp robot pirate s.h.i.+p, equals news.”

And Jared is like, ”For realz?”

And I'm like, ”Totes.”

And he kind of does a gayboy squee that was a little embarra.s.sing, so I'm all, ”Where's Foo?”

And Foo comes out of the bedroom and I go to kiss him and he sort of stops and holds up his little blood vials, like, ”Oh, no kisses, Abby, I have breakables.” So I backed off.

And he's like, ”Abby we need to change you back. Right away.”

And I'm like, ”No way, Foo. I am finished with your petty human weakness.”

And he like waves to all the rat boxes, and all the rats are just lying in the bottom of them. And I'm all, ”So?”

And Foo's like, ”They just dropped, within hours of each other. There's some incompatibility with the vampyre virus.”

”It's a virus?” goes Tommy.

And Foo's all, ”I don't know exactly what it is, but it binds to the host DNA and it carries the DNA to the infected.”

And I'm like, ”So?”

And that's when Foo blurts out that I have a tail to Flood, and I just want to crawl in a hole and die, except for it being redundant.

Then Jared's like, ”Would you guys like something to drink? Some blood or something?”

And I'm like, ”No thanks, I had a pigeon.”

And Flood is like, ”Yes, I'll have some.”

And he's about to take a sip from a winegla.s.s that Jared poured, and I see his fangs, which are tres tres s.e.xy now that he's not ripping my throat out with them, and he's like, ”Oh, Abby, if this turns out to be drugged, tear Steve's arms off.” s.e.xy now that he's not ripping my throat out with them, and he's like, ”Oh, Abby, if this turns out to be drugged, tear Steve's arms off.”

And I'm like, ”'Kay,” then to Foo, I'm like, ”Rawr. Shut up.”

And Foo's like, ”It's not drugged.”

So we tell Foo and Jared about the s.h.i.+p and the old vampyres and how they are here to clean house, and about what the Kona guy said about second generation vampyres.

And Foo's like, ”That's you, Tommy.”

And Flood is like, ”I know. I have to find Jody. And you and Jared need to get away from this apartment. Go somewhere, stay until you hear it's all clear or the Raven Raven leaves.” leaves.”

And Foo is like, ”How did you think to go to the dock anyway?”

So we told him about Madame Natasha and the sunken s.h.i.+p in the north end of the City and whatnot, and he's all rolling his eyes, because he doesn't believe in magic, despite the fact that he's rolling his eyes at two vampyres.

And he's like, ”Did you try the Sunken s.h.i.+p?”

And we're like, ”Whaaaa?”

And he's like, ”It's a bar down on Jackson Street. It was built on top of one of the Gold Rush s.h.i.+ps that was abandoned there. You can still see the ribs of the s.h.i.+p in the bas.e.m.e.nt.”

And Flood's like, ”The Sunken s.h.i.+p? That's what it's called?”

And I'm like, ”Kind of obvious.”

And Flood's like, ”We need to go there.”

And Foo's all, ”No, I have to change you both back. You could drop any minute.”

So I go, ”As if. We have to find the Countess.”

And Tommy's all, ”After. All that after.”

So Foo goes, ”Well, then take these.” And he gives Flood and me each a thing that looks like an aluminum flashlight with a blue gla.s.s erection.

And I'm all, ”Uh, we can see in the dark, and heat, and we have someone on retainer who can see into the future, so, thanks, but...”

”They're UV lasers,” goes Foo, in the middle of my dismissal. ”They use them to fuse UV sensitive polymers in vacuum chambers.”

And Tommy looks at me like, ”What?” And I look at him like, ”No f.u.c.king idea.”

So Foo runs on like, ”They would just burn me or Jared if you held it on us, like a high-intensity sunlamp. But you'd have to hold it there for about five seconds.”

So Flood looks at me like, ”What?” And I look at him like, ”I got nothing.”

So Foo takes Tommy's flashlight from him and he goes, ”Like this.” And he points the flashlight at one of the dead rat boxes and it busts out with this intense blue beam and whoosh whoosh instant rat charcoal. instant rat charcoal.

So Flood and I are like, ”Oh.”

”You can't just leave them on like the UV jackets. They work with a capacitor that builds a charge and lets go with a two-second burst, but you can probably cut a vamp in half in that time. I made them for Rivera and Cavuto.”

And Tommy goes, ”Well don't give one to them, for f.u.c.k's sake, they're hunting me and Jody.”

”And me,” I go.

”And me,” goes Jared. And we look at him. And he goes, ”Not because I'm a vampyre. Because that big cop hates me.” Then he looked embarra.s.sed and he goes, ”Hey, you guys, your eyes are bleeding.”

And I look at Tommy and I'm all, ”WTF?”

And Foo's like, ”You guys should probably wear sun-gla.s.ses with UV filtering if you're going to use those, or, you know, they could hurt your eyes.”