Part 4 (1/2)
”You'll get it because I can't help myself. There's your half-sister's children at home; but of what use to me is a girl or a blind boy?
You are narrow--narrow as the grave: but I find that, like the grave, you are inevitable; and, like the grave, you keep what you get. For the kind of finance that was the true game of manhood to your grandfather and me, you have no capacity whatever. No, I cannot explain. Finance? Why, you haven't even a _sense_ of it. Yet in a way you are capable. You will make the money yield interest, and will keep the race going. That is what I look to--you will keep the race going. Now I want to speak about that boy of yours. Do me the only favour I have ever asked you--send him to a public school, and afterwards to college, and let him have his fling.”
Sam thought his father must have gone mad. ”What, sir! After all you have said of such places! 'Dens of idleness,' 'sinks of iniquity'--I have heard you scores of times!”
”I spoke as a fool. 'Twas my punishment, perhaps, to believe it; but, Lord!”--he eyed his son up and down--”to think my punishment should take this form!” He caught Sam's arm suddenly and wheeled him about in face of a gla.s.s shop-front. ”Man, look at yourself! Make the boy something different from _that!_ Do what I'd have done for you if ever you had given me a chance. Turn him loose among gentlemen; don't be afraid if he idles and wastes money; let him riot out his youth if he will--he'll be learning all the time, learning something you don't know how to teach, and maybe when his purse is emptied he'll come back to you a gentleman.
I tell you there's no difference in the world like that between a gentleman and a man who's not a gentleman. Money can't buy it; and, after the start, money can't change or hide it. The thing is there, or it isn't.”
”Whatever the thing is,” said Sam sullenly, ”you are asking me to peril my son's soul for it.”
They had reached the Hoe by this time. John Rosewarne dropped upon a bench and sat resting both hands on his staff and gazing over the twinkling waters of the Sound.
”Anne married a gentleman,” pursued Sam.
”Ay, and a rake. A-ah!” muttered the old man after a moment, drawing a long breath, ”if only that boy of hers weren't blind! But he doesn't carry the name, while _you_.”--He broke off with a savage laugh.
”What's that you said a moment ago?--something about immortal souls.”
”I said there's a world beyond this, and,”--
”Is there? That's what I'm concerned to know just now. And_ you?_ What are you proposing to do when you get there?” He withdrew his eyes from the bright seascape and let them travel slowly over his son. ”_You!_ sitting there like a blot on G.o.d's suns.h.i.+ne! By what right should you expect another world, who have cut such a figure in this one? I have known love and l.u.s.t, and drink and hard work and hard fighting; I have been down in the depths, and again I have known moments to make a man smack his hands together for joy to be alive and doing. But you?
What kind of man are you, you son of mine? What do you live for? Why did you marry? And what did you and your poor woman find to talk about?”
Whatever bullying Sam suffered, he had his revenge in this--that he and no other man could exasperate his father to weakness. He rubbed his thin side whiskers now and muttered something about 'an acceptable sacrifice.'
The old man jabbed viciously at the gravel with his staff. ”And your religion?” he broke forth again. ”What is it? In some secret way it satisfies you--but how? I look into the Bible, and I find that the whole of religion rests on a man's giving himself away to help others.
I don't believe in it myself; I believe in the exact contrary.
Still there the thing is, set out in black and white. It upsets law and soldiering and nine-tenths of men's doings in trade: to me it's folly; but so it stands, honest as daylight. When did _you_ help a man down on his luck? or forgive your debtor? You'll get my money because you never did aught of the kind. Yet somehow you're a Christian, and prate of your mean life as an acceptable sacrifice. In my belief you're a Christian precisely because Christianity--how you work it out I don't know--will give you a sanction for any dirty trick that comes in your way. When good feeling, or even common honour, denies you, there's always a text somewhere to oil your conscience.”
”I've one, sir, on which I can rely--'Be just, and fear not.'”
”I'll test it. You'll have my money; on which you hardly dared to count, eh? Be honest.”
”Only on so much of it as is entailed, sir.”
For a while John Rosewarne sat silent, with his eyes on the horizon.
”That,” said he at length, ”is just what you could not count on.”
He turned and looked Sam squarely in the face. ”You were born out of wedlock, my son.”
Sam's hand gripped the iron arm of the bench. The muscles of his face scarcely moved, but its sallow tint changed, under his father's eyes, to a sickly drab.
”Ay,” pursued the old man, ”I am sorry for you at this moment; but you mustn't look for apologies and repentance and that sort of thing.
The fact is, I never could feel about it in that way. I was young and fairly wild, and it happened. One doesn't think of possible injury to someone who doesn't yet exist. But that, I grant you, doesn't make it any the less an injury. Now what have you to say?”
”The sins of the fathers.”--
”--Are visited on the children: quite so. Afterwards we did our best, and married. No one knows; no one has ever guessed; and the proof would be hard to trace. In case of accident, I give you Port Royal for a clue.”