Vol 6 Chapter 3.1 (2/2)

Astonishment, awe, stunned silence, perplexity, and pain. He had experienced so many emotions and sensations. But he was also being forced to come to terms with how ignorant he had been before he met Nezumi, and how he had lived not knowing anything, and not trying to know.

That was why it hurt. It hurt enough to make him gasp in pain. But even so―he vowed not to hesitate at being surprised and perplexed.

s.h.i.+on, in his own way, hoped to see the truth about himself and the world he lived in. He had also resolved to see through it all. He didn't hesitate at being surprised or confounded; on the contrary, every time he was surprised or confounded, he felt a layer peel away, and a new facet of the world unfold before his eyes. He had even come to revere the experience.

But this time, he was simply astonished. He fixed his eyes on the elder with his mouth open. Nezumi's fingers touched his lips. Why were his fingers always so cold? A feeling most distant from surprise or perplexity flitted across the back of s.h.i.+on's mind. Nezumi clicked his tongue softly.

”Shut it. You have the most unbelievably idiotic expression on your face right now.”

”No way...” s.h.i.+on whispered. ”This is what's unbelievable... Nezumi, what's going on? How does my mother factor into this? This man and my mother know each other... what does it mean?”

”How should I know?” Nezumi retorted. ”I'm asking you because I don't. See that photo the alcoholic had: the one standing beside your mama is―” Nezumi swallowed. ”It's Rou.”

The photo slid from the elder's fingers. It fluttered to the ground like a flower petal.

”I was surprised too, when I first saw this photo,” Nezumi said. ”I probably had the same kind of expression on my face, though probably not as idiotic as yours.”

Nezumi picked the photo up, and held it out for s.h.i.+on to see. s.h.i.+on leaned forward, and squinted at it. It was a rather aged photograph. Several young men and women were standing in front of a grey building. Karan was standing in the middle of them. Her hair was grown out long, and she was smiling shyly. Her smile still carried a sort of girlishness. On her right was a tall man with a long face. He was clutching a lab coat in one hand, and had gentle eyes. Even from the old photo, s.h.i.+on could make out the deep intellect that resided in those eyes.

My G.o.dfather. Nezumi had pointed at this man, and said those words. He's my G.o.dfather.

s.h.i.+on knelt down in front of the elder.

”Please tell me.” His voice was raspy. His throat was painfully parched. ”Please tell me the truth. That's all I ask.”

The elder's torso swayed slightly. It reminded s.h.i.+on of swaying silver gra.s.ses. His white hair, which shone dully in the candle light, was almost like the ears of the silver gra.s.ses themselves.

”Knowing the truth, and rescuing your friend: do you think the two are connected, s.h.i.+on?” s.h.i.+on shook his head slowly in answer.

”I don't know.” He answered truthfully. He really didn't know.

He had to do anything to rescue Safu even a minute sooner, a second sooner. But what did he need? Did he need to know the truth about the parasite wasps, the relations.h.i.+p between his mother and the elder, and No. 6's future... did he really urgently need to know these things? s.h.i.+on didn't have an answer.

He did wish to know. He desperately yearned to know. But the most important thing right now was to save Safu―was it not?

”I don't know... Maybe my knowing the truth and rescuing Safu are two completely different things. But...”

”But?”

”But I―or should I say we―we residents of No. 6, including myself, have been kept away from the truth all this time. We've lived our lives hidden from the face of reality, the true form it embodies.”

”You've just never tried to see it,” Nezumi remarked, emotionless. ”If you squinted, you would have seen. If you searched for truth, you would have found it. But you didn't. You got drunk and giddy on your false idea of abundance, and settled yourselves into blissful laziness. You didn't try to look through it to see reality. Your foolishness allowed No. 6 to burgeon into the monster it is today.”

”I'm sure you're right.” s.h.i.+on inhaled. Nezumi was right. But you know what, Nezumi? In the time I've lived with you, I've been able to touch the sprouting ears of truth. I touched them with my own hands. That was my starting point. That's a truth in itself, too.

I started off there, and now, I'm here.

”Safu getting kidnapped, and parasite wasps appearing... No. 6 turning into a monster, all happened because we've averted our eyes from the truth this whole time. The crime we've committed is grave; I've realized that. But that's why I want to know. I want to see true form of the world, with my very own eyes―”

s.h.i.+on bit his lip. No, he almost said out loud. It didn't feel right. It wasn't that he had lied to the elder. But he had decorated his words. Regret and resignation about the past weren't the only things that lay behind the reason for his wanting to know the truth.

Curiosity. No, it wasn't such a casual feeling; it was a deep-rooted desire. It roved in circles deep inside his chest.

It was intrigue towards a world his imagination could not render. Interest in the unknown. And more than anything... it was the expectation that he could acquire some piece of knowledge that had to do with Nezumi.

The part that Nezumi showed him was only a small fragment. In fact, Nezumi had many faces which s.h.i.+on could not see through. And he felt it, painfully, everywhere, every time.

Where did you come from?

Where were you born?

How did you used to live until that stormy night when we met?

What have you thought about, believed, and rejected in your life up until then?

And there's the promise of telling me your real name, which you haven't fulfilled yet.

His soul was stirring restlessly. It stirred from wanting to know, and not for anyone else but himself. But he had put on an act. He had pretended to be the friend, the innocent youth who longed to know the truth.

His heart and words turned away from each other. How beautiful and rational were the words that spilled from his mouth. They were rational and beautiful to the point of sounding fake. His own words deceived his heart.

He bit his lip. He chewed on it hard.

Can I only speak in these kinds of terms?

Why can't I speak like Nezumi? I can only use empty, superficial words. Why do I keep putting on an act? Why do I still speak, when I'm not even prepared to reveal my true self?

Even though I've lived by his side for months...

He had directed his gaze at Nezumi without even thinking. There was no way he couldn't have noticed the decoration in s.h.i.+on's words, but Nezumi's profile showed no hint of disdain, scorn, or pity. He had lowered his chin slightly, and was staring off into the dark void.

Nezumi never toyed with his words.

Safu was the same.

Like a flash of lightning in the night sky, an idea sparked in his mind. Safu had never manipulated her words. At least, any words she had directed at s.h.i.+on were true. He had received her straight and earnest words numerous times.

He realized he ought to be ashamed of himself. Both in the face of Nezumi and Safu, he ought to be ashamed of himself.

”I... want to know.” He squeezed out each word painstakingly. ”There are too many things I don't know. That's why... I want to find out. That's it.”

The elder's body swayed once again. ”Just because you know, it does not mean it will make you happy. You may end up wis.h.i.+ng you had never known at all. Such a reality may be waiting for you, s.h.i.+on.”

”I'm prepared for it.” He would rather suffer from the knowledge than being blissfully ignorant. He preferred the pain and hards.h.i.+p of truth rather than fake happiness. With this as his fuel, he could move forward. He couldn't keep leaning on this illusion, which didn't even serve as a foothold.

He clutched his chest. He confirmed his feelings.

There was no doubt about it. My feelings are here within me. I am not deceiving anyone.

”I'm prepared. At least, I think I can prepare myself. Though―I can't say for sure that I won't regret it... I'll probably regret it a number of times... but I feel like it would be much better than going without knowing. That much I feel is true... so, ah, I...” As soon as he tried to speak in earnest, his tongue refused to co-operate. His words refused to run smoothly as they had just moments before.

Earnest words were heavy things.

They bore the weight of the speaker's beliefs, emotions, and honest feelings.

The elder suddenly smiled. At least to s.h.i.+on, it seemed like he did. The elder let his momentary smile fade, and slowly lowered his eyelids. He fell silent.

”Rou, why are you silent?” Nezumi asked harshly in impatience. ”Rou!”

”Elyurias.” The elder's lips moved, and a whisper, like a breath, escaped. It was a word s.h.i.+on couldn't understand.

”Elyurias?” Nezumi furrowed his brow. Apparently, he hadn't understood either.

”That is the name.”

”Whose?”

”Hers.”

”Her?”

”Nezumi, your eyes.”

”Huh?”

”Close your eyes. s.h.i.+on, you also.”

s.h.i.+on and Nezumi looked at each other. The elder's voice was low and placid, and carried no hint of a command. But he found himself obeying it nevertheless. He felt like he had let himself go limp on the gentle flow of a river, and he was being born to the sea. s.h.i.+on closed his eyes.

”Elyurias,” the elder whispered again. ”She was a great sovereign. She was a rare existence.”

Elyurias...

Nezumi sucked in a breath from beside s.h.i.+on.

”Looking back, it seems a thing of the distant past,” the elder continued. ”It was still a time when this land... yes, this land was still without walls. Instead of walls, there was a lush green forest. There were lakes, marshes, and gra.s.sy plains. Myriad things intertwined and maintained a harmony. A paradise... it may have been the last remaining paradise on this planet. A paradise that had escaped the destruction of humankind. A land of miracles. A place that could nurture life and put death to rest. She resided there. She really existed. I was the one who found her.”

The elder's voice dropped even lower.

”Ah, no... that is an arrogant way to put it. I did not find her. I met her. We met by chance... as if G.o.d had drawn us together. Elyurias―she was a great sovereign. She would likely be one to this day. She still reigns.”

”Elyurias.” s.h.i.+on said the name under his breath, imitating the elder. Elyurias. It was a sound unfamiliar to his ear and tongue. He couldn't imagine what kind of appearance or voice a person with that name would have. Not to mention someone who was a ”great sovereign”... s.h.i.+on c.o.c.ked his head in disbelief. It sounded too grandiose, too phony. He sensed domination. Had a kingdom existed here in the past? Just like how No. 6 dominated this land now, this sovereign called Elyurias had governed all...

'She', the elder had said. Then that would make her a queen. A paradise governed by a queen? That sounds like a cheap drama. I find it hard to believe.

The air s.h.i.+fted just slightly. He heard a hoa.r.s.e groan. As s.h.i.+on lifted his eyelids, the first thing that jumped into his vision was Nezumi covering his face with his hands. He was about to buckle to his knees.

Continued in PART B.

Notes

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