Vol 4 Chapter 4 (1/2)
These are English translations of the novel No. 6 by Asano Atsuko.
* * *
CHAPTER 4
A Stage of Calamity
Adorable ladies, just as our pity is commended, so is our cruelty severely punished by divine justice. And in order to prove this to you, as well as to give you an incentive for banis.h.i.+ng all cruelty from your hearts, I should like to tell you a story as delightful as it is full of pathos.
- Boccaccio, The Decameron [1]
He was walking amidst the blades of gra.s.s, in a hot and humid haze. He could see his own feet. They were very small. The gra.s.s grew high, and reached up to his shoulders.
He realized that he was almost buried in the ma.s.s of vigorous gra.s.ses because he was still very young. He looked up to see the cerulean sky, which was far and high up. The winds were quiet, and it was very hot.
He was called by his name.
His real name. It had been a long time since he was called by this name. The air s.h.i.+fted. The breeze swayed the branches above. The scent of greenery grew stronger.
Who had called him? Who knew his name?
He could hear a song. And the beating of insect wings. A black shadow crossed his vision. First one, then another, and yet another. Across a cerulean background, countless insects flew to and fro, making a ring. As he approached closer, they scattered in all directions, and came back together in one spot.
A dance.
They were dancing to the song.
Come here.
He could hear a gentle voice.
Let me teach you a song. I will teach you a song that you will need to keep living. Come here.
He was called by his name, and beckoned over. It was a voice that stirred nostalgic feelings. But he could not move.
The beating of wings grew louder. It buzzed incessantly in his ears, and the air was humming with it. Black shadows danced around fiercely.
Oh, this scene―
”Nezumi!”
He was pulled back, strongly, with a definite force. The song, the beckoning voice, the buzzing of wings, and the smell of lush greenery, all vanished into thin air.
”Answer me, Nezumi!”
A dim light stung at his eyes. A cold cloth was being pressed to the nape of his neck. It was very soothing.
”s.h.i.+on....”
”Are you awake? Can you see me?”
”Somewhat.”
”And you do know where you are?”
”On the bed...” Nezumi said at length. ”Did you carry me here?”
”What's three plus seven?”
”Huh?”
”Addition. If you add three to seven, what do you get?”
”What's this about? Are you quizzing me?”
”Just answer me seriously. What's three plus seven?”
”Ten...” Nezumi answered apprehensively.
”Yes. Correct. Next―what's three times seven?”
”s.h.i.+on, listen―”
”Three multiplied by seven. Answer me.”
”Twenty one.”
”Correct. Okay then, what did you eat for dinner today?”
”Gee, I wonder if that even const.i.tutes as a dinner? I had two strips of dried potatoes and a bit of goat's milk. I stole a bag of stale crackers from Inukas.h.i.+. Almost got bitten in the process.”
”Do you feel dizzy?”
”Not at all.”
”Nausea?”
”I feel fine.”
”No headache, either?”
”No.”
”Can you tell me what―when you fell, can you explain to me how it felt?”
s.h.i.+on was studying him intently. There was a tense, determined light in his eyes. It made him think of the surface of a frozen lake.
”A wind... was blowing,” Nezumi began hesitantly.
”A wind?”
”The wind blows, and steals souls away.”
The wind steals the soul away, humans thieve the heart
O earth, wind, and rain; O heavens, O light
Keep everything here
Hadn't the voice sung something like this? Nezumi couldn't remember clearly. But his throat was dry. So dry, it was painful. A white cup was handed to him. It was full of clear water. He drained it. Like showers that quenched a parched land, the water that was offered to him flowed into his body, and soaked through its every extremity. It was a deliciousness he could not put into words. He was now able to take a deep breath, and pose a question.
”s.h.i.+on, are you worrying about whether I might have brain damage?”
”Well, you fainted so suddenly. I had to take all precautions.”
Nezumi put a hand to the base of his neck. With the same hand, he felt his own chest through his open s.h.i.+rt. There were no abnormalities. At the least, there were no changes that could be seen by the naked eye.
”It's not the parasite wasp,” s.h.i.+on said as he exhaled. ”There's no change in your hair or your skin. It wasn't them.”
”That's too bad. It wouldn't seem so bad to have hair like yours.”
”Don't even joke about it,” s.h.i.+on said sharply. ”It may have only been for a few minutes, but you were unconscious. It's not something you can laugh off.”
”It was just a fainting spell.”
”A fainting spell? You're saying you just fainted?”
”You have a problem with that?”
”Nezumi.” s.h.i.+on sat down on the bed, and exhaled again.
”Don't overestimate yourself.”
”What?”
”Don't overestimate yourself. You're a human being. There'll be times where you fall ill, or get hurt. Don't forget that. I'm no doctor, and I don't have medical knowledge either―but even I could tell that the way you collapsed just now wasn't from a simple fainting spell.”
”Thanks for worrying about me. Maybe I should go to the hospital tomorrow and get myself checked out more carefully. If I end up having to be charged at the hospital, I'll make sure to get the VIP room on the top floor, so make sure to come visit me.”
”Nezumi, I wasn't kidding when I said―”
”Shut up!”
He was yelling, but he couldn't tell why. His temper wasn't out of control, nor did he hate the person in front of him. But he couldn't help the harshness in his tone.
He did not want someone to be so earnestly concerned about his well-being like this. He did not want anyone to be seriously worried. He did not want to be cared about. Feelings like concern, worry, and care fell all too easily into the frame of ”love”. He didn't feel like he needed anything like that. He could live without it. He always had. It was unnecessary.
But s.h.i.+on didn't know that. Here he was, burdened with all sorts of useless baggage. Maybe it was s.h.i.+on's ignorance and stubborn truthfulness that irritated him.
”No numbness in your fingertips, right?” s.h.i.+on continued, ”Doesn't look like there's any swelling, either...” His fingers took ahold of Nezumi's hand, which was flung out on the sheets. s.h.i.+on's fingertips felt along his hand, and pressed down lightly at intervals. He was still calmly and intently searching for the presence of any numbness or edema. It was like Nezumi's yelling hadn't affected him at all.
So not only was he oblivious and stubborn―he was dense, to top it off.
Nezumi brushed s.h.i.+on's fingers away, and jumped down from the bed.
”Nezumi, you shouldn't be getting up so suddenly―”
”I'll teach you.”
”Huh?”
”I'll teach you a dance.”
”What're talking about? You should be getting some quiet rest―”
”Over here, come on.” Nezumi grabbed s.h.i.+on's arm, and forced him to stand. He slid his hand around his waist.
”See, I knew it,” he said.
”What?”
”I'm taller than you.”
”Liar,” s.h.i.+on retorted. ”There's barely any difference.”
Nezumi chuckled.
”So, honourable Prince. Have you any experience with dancing?”
”No.”
”I figured as much. Then first, we'll begin with the basic steps. Come on―back straight, chin up. Don't look down.”
”Aw, come on, stop it,” s.h.i.+on protested. ”We can't dance in here. Besides, it's too dangerous. If we move around in a small s.p.a.ce like this, we'd knock all the books over.”
”There'll be none of that kind of clumsiness. Alright, turn here. Step back. Once more, and turn. See, you can do it,” Nezumi encouraged.
”You're just pulling me along.”
”You're still doing pretty well. Your movements are light. Step out and turn. Good, you're staying on the beat. And repeat the first steps again. Keep dancing―dance, s.h.i.+on.”
s.h.i.+on opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again and lent his body fully to Nezumi's movements. He tilted an ear to the lighthearted melody that spilled from Nezumi's lips, and traced his steps. The flame from the heater cast a shadow of two figures. The little mice huddled together, and looked down at them from atop their lofty perch on a pile of books.
”Whoa―!” s.h.i.+on tripped on his feet, and fell backwards on top of the bed. His breaths came out in pants, and his forehead was damp with perspiration.
”That was a workout. It takes your whole body to dance, doesn't it, huh.”
”You didn't know?”
”I didn't. Guess I'm that much smarter now. So?”
”Hm?”
”I'm all out of breath, but you're not tired at all. Is that the point you wanted to make?”
”You could say that.”
”You have far more energy, athletic skill, and resilience than me. You're not the one I should be worrying about―that's what you're saying, right?”
”I wouldn't be that blatant, but―”
s.h.i.+on stood up. He stood in front of Nezumi, and reached out. It was a brief gesture, lasting only for a split second.
Huh?
Nezumi was being held at the base of his neck. Not even held―s.h.i.+on's fingers were merely resting on it. But a violent chill ran through him. It was a piercing s.h.i.+ver like what a beast felt when it had fallen into a trap.
”I thought it... was going to come out of here,” s.h.i.+on whispered hoa.r.s.ely, as if his voice were caught in his throat. ”When you collapsed, that's what I thought. I―I thought you were going to die. Nezumi, it's not for you.”
”Huh?”
”I'm not worrying about you for your sake. I'm only concerned about you for my own sake―to be free of my own fears.” s.h.i.+on's fingers drew away. Nezumi realized he had been holding his breath the whole time.
”Nezumi, there are still a lot of things out there that I don't know. But I do know,” he hesitated. ”―How terrifying it would be for me to lose you. I'm probably more afraid to lose you than anyone―anybody else. I'm so scared, it's unbearable. I want to make sure you'll never disappear from my side. I don't care if you ridicule me, or sneer at me―these are my real feelings.”
It was none other than a straightforward and simple confession of love.
I can't live without another―without you.
How direct, how blatant, how foolish of a confession it was. s.h.i.+on was, at this moment, committing the enormous mistake of revealing his foolishness, feminine weakness, his fragility. But Nezumi found himself unable to ridicule or sneer at him. It wasn't because he had been overwhelmed by s.h.i.+on's sincerity, nor was it because his heart had been moved by s.h.i.+on's heartfelt confession.
Who... is he...?
”Good night.” s.h.i.+on cast his eyes down, and slipped past Nezumi.
”I'll sleep on the floor. Just get some good rest tonight, alright? You've sweated a lot. You're probably more drained than you think you are.”
”Yeah―” Nezumi was barely able to choke out an answer. Once s.h.i.+on's back had retreated into the shadows of the books, he clutched at his throat, his shoulders rising and falling as he breathed raggedly.
I couldn't avoid it.
He wasn't able to avoid s.h.i.+on's hand. The neck was one of the most fatal points for a human. Even a small wound or impact could cost him his life. But he wasn't able to brush away the hand that reached out to grab it. s.h.i.+on had no murderous intent. But Nezumi hadn't let his guard down either, and he hadn't meant to comply to s.h.i.+on's fingers as they reached out to touch him.
I couldn't avoid it. I, out of all people, let myself get caught.
He couldn't predict, avoid, or reject s.h.i.+on's gesture. He had been captured completely. If s.h.i.+on had been an enemy, if he had had the intent to kill, if he had been holding a knife―Nezumi would most certainly have been killed. Without even a cry, unable to scream, he would have fallen lifeless to the floor. He would have been killed.
I'm going to get killed.
Among the feelings that stirred inside him when s.h.i.+on's fingers had held his neck, not a single one of them had any hint of love or yearning. It was fear. He was terrified. Nezumi had been through numerous dangers before. He couldn't count how many times he had been cornered and almost given up. But he had never stood before someone who made him cower like this, stiff and unable to move.
Those eyes, those movements, that oppressive feeling.
What was that?
He gritted his teeth.
He could hear the little mice skittering across the floor.
”Cravat, Tsukiyo, quiet down. Come on over here.”
s.h.i.+on was calling the mice. Once the shuffling of blankets and the soft squeaking of the mice quieted down, there ceased to be any sound or movement beyond the stack of books. Silence surrounded them.
I can't live without another―without you.
His cloyingly sweet but sincere confession, along with the movements that had trapped Nezumi completely―they lasted for only an instant, but in that time, all emotion had vanished from s.h.i.+on's eyes. Those were not the eyes of one who was baring one's soul in a confession of love. They were the eyes of one who had delivered an accurate and fatal stab, and was twisting the knife in the wound. s.h.i.+on himself was probably not aware.
Am I the one who hasn't known anything all along?
s.h.i.+on was a sheltered boy with a stellar intellect and gentle heart. He had never known to hate, to rebel, or to fight. He could embrace people, but not hurt them. He could protect people, but not attack them. He was one who had nothing to do with brutality or cold ruthlessness. He was one who could only ever become the sun. Wasn't that what he was supposed to be? If he wasn't, then―
He had no idea of s.h.i.+on's true nature.
Nezumi had saved his life, had his own life saved, and they had lived and spent their days together. They were connected more closely, more intimately to each other than anyone else. He had been avoidant and apprehensive towards this relations.h.i.+p, but nevertheless he could never completely sever it; somewhere in his heart he had desired it, and perhaps he had made it into a kind of haven for himself.
I'm more afraid to lose you than anyone else.
s.h.i.+on's words were also his own feelings. He didn't like admitting it, but it was the truth, and he had no other choice. But still, even so, for the first time since they had met, he was losing sight of who s.h.i.+on was.
Nezumi ground his teeth once more. They made a thick, heavy noise like the sound of rusty cogwheels turning. The sound resonated deep within his body.
It wasn't that he had lost sight―he had probably never seen him properly from the beginning. He had only looked at the brighter parts of s.h.i.+on, illuminated by the spotlight. Until now, Nezumi had always looked at the root of the plant instead of the flowers that bloomed above-ground, focusing always on the parts that were sunken in darkness rather than exposed to light―and he was confident that he had the ability to render them clearly.
But he had been blinded.
He had been too blinded by s.h.i.+on's carefree smile, his defenselessness, and his earnest gaze, to be able to see anything else.
He had not lost sight―he had never seen him from the beginning.
Nezumi began to get gooseb.u.mps.
s.h.i.+on, exactly what are you?
In his heart, he questioned the boy who was lying curled up in a blanket with the mice.
What are you?
The news came one day, out of the blue.
The sky was already cloudy in the morning, forecasting snow later on. The ground was frozen over, and showed no signs of melting even after noon. Snow came in scattered flurries, and a chilly wind whistled through the West Block bazaar.
It was on that kind of day.
An old dog pa.s.sed away at Inukas.h.i.+'s place.
”He was siblings with my Mum,” Inukas.h.i.+ mumbled as he dug a hole in the frozen earth.
”Then he would be your uncle?”
”I guess so. Now that's one dog less who I can share memories of my Mum with.”
”He was―quite old, though, right?” s.h.i.+on said quietly.
”Yeah. Probably close to a hundred in human years. So he probably didn't suffer much. Yesterday he was still going around licking the puppies. But when I woke up this morning, he was already cold. No one noticed. The puppies that were sleeping with him freaked out because he was so cold, and they came whining to let me know. He lived a full life.”
”He must've lived admirably.”
”He lived admirably,” Inukas.h.i.+ repeated.
The ground was frozen solid, and they were not making much progress with the pitiful hand-shovels and sc.r.a.ps of wood they were digging with.
”Nezumi,” s.h.i.+on called as he looked up to where Nezumi was sitting on a portion of a crumbling wall. ”Help us out if you've got nothing else to do.”
”Me? Why do I have to dig a dog's grave? Ridiculous.”
Inukas.h.i.+ sniffed.
”s.h.i.+on, leave him alone. I don't want him touching my dog's grave.”
”But we have to get him to sing a song.”
”A funeral song, huh.”
”Yeah, to send his spirit off,” s.h.i.+on said. ”You'll do it, right, Nezumi?”
”Dirges are expensive, just to let you know. Three silver coins.”
Inukas.h.i.+ flung his spade aside, and bared his teeth, growling.
”Get the f.u.c.k down here. You greedy, fraudulent b.a.s.t.a.r.d. I'll rip your throat apart.”
”With your teeth, the best you could manage would probably be a piece of mouldy bread,” Nezumi replied. ”Oh yeah, speaking of which, weren't there some crackers left in your cabinet? Maybe I'll have those for lunch.”
”Hey, you must be f.u.c.king kidding me,” Inukas.h.i.+ snarled. ”You better not lay a single finger on those crackers, Nezumi!”
Inukas.h.i.+ bounded over the ruins after him. Nezumi was nowhere in sight.
”Hey, wait a minute, you two!” s.h.i.+on called after them. ”Nezumi, didn't you tell me not to get out of your sight? Inukas.h.i.+, are you just gonna leave your uncle here?”
There was no answer from either of them. In the end, s.h.i.+on ended up digging the rest of the hole by himself, into which he laid the aged dog to rest.
By the time Inukas.h.i.+ burst into the room out of breath, Nezumi was already sitting on the table, dangling the bag of crackers in his hand.
”Give it back.” Inukas.h.i.+ mustered the most intimidating glare he could. He didn't think it would be effective, but the bag of crackers was tossed back to him promptly. He was caught a little off-guard.
”What? Aren't you hungry?”
”What, would you treat me if I said I was?”
”Stop kidding yourself,” Inukas.h.i.+ snapped. ”I might have food for my dogs, but I don't have a single cracker to give you.”
Inukas.h.i.+ put the bag back in the cabinet. It was old and rickety, but he still kept it locked. However, he could see the lock had been effortlessly picked.
Geez, I can't even relax or let my guard down around this guy. Not that I would ever, anyway.
Inukas.h.i.+ relocked the cabinet, and turned around. Nezumi was still sitting in the same position. Inukas.h.i.+ bent to pick a pebble off the floor. This room was relatively durable as opposed to the rest of the hotel, which had mostly crumbled away into ruin. The wall and the floor were still intact. It not only blocked out the wind and rain, as a living s.p.a.ce it fell into one of the best that the West Block had to offer. But even this room was beginning to show signs of dilapidation. The pebbles that had evidently been set into the walls as decoration were beginning to fall out.
If he squinted at the pebble in his hand, he could almost make out the blue paint on it. He clenched it lightly in his palm.
”Nezumi.”
As Nezumi turned to look at him, Inukas.h.i.+ hurled the pebble straight at his face. Nezumi tilted his head just slightly to dodge it, and furrowed his brow.
”Nezumi.” Inukas.h.i.+ called him again. This time, he didn't throw anything. ”What's wrong, hey?”
”What do you mean, 'what's wrong'?”
”You got troubles or something?”
”Troubles?”
”I'm asking you if there's something on your mind.”
”Huh?”
The two boys looked at each other, and snorted nearly at the same time. Then, they fell silent. Nezumi was the first to open his mouth.
”I don't think I've ever had something on my mind in my life. Ever.”
”I'da figured.”
”Same for you, isn't it?”
”Me? I've always got something on my mind. Food for my dogs, tomorrow's wages. The worrying never ends. I've got my dogs to take care of. They can be a great help, but a burden too. I can't let them starve to death. It's not as worry-free for me as it is for you.”
”Worry-free, huh.” Nezumi paused. ”Hey, Inukas.h.i.+.”
”What?”
”The Hunt is coming. I think it's gonna come in a day or two.”
”You mean you feel it coming, right?”
”Yeah, I feel it. I'm wondering if I should tell them.”
”Who?”
”The other West Block residents.”
Inukas.h.i.+ blinked, and fixed Nezumi's profile with a stare.
”You mean tell them to run away because the Hunt is coming?”
”Yeah.”
”Where would they run?”
Nezumi didn't answer. His eyes were cast down, his gaze fixed on the tip of his boot. At a glance, it looked like his mind was racing with thoughts; then again, it also looked like he was hesitating to give an answer.
”If the nice folks over in No. 6 are gonna put up a bulletin saying 'We will begin the Hunt at so-and-so day from this time until that time', you go on ahead and tell everybody,” Inukas.h.i.+ said. ”If that's the only time the Hunt is gonna occur, they can run. But you don't know, do ya? You say you think it's in a day or two, but that's just your hunch. It can happen in five minutes. It can happen in a week. If a tip as unreliable as that was enough to make people run away, they wouldn't be living here in the first place. They have nowhere to run. They have nowhere else they can live. That's why everyone's hanging onto this place like their life depended on it.”
While he spoke, Inukas.h.i.+ thought to himself that Nezumi should know this already down to the marrow of his bones.
On this earth, there were a precious few places that satisfied all the conditions for human life. There were probably no other places left, apart from the six city-states. Although Inukas.h.i.+ didn't know this, No. 6 was situated in a considerably more favourable environment compared to the other five cities. People gathered here in order to live. Leaving this place was synonymous to death. The people sensed this, not from learned knowledge or information, but from instinct.
They could not escape it. They had no place to escape to. The Hunt occurred once every few years. If we're lucky, we'll be spared. So let's stay here. That was the only way.
Whether it was out of resignation or for survival, in the end, everyone remained on this land. This was the only place they could live. And that was why it was h.e.l.l.
”I shouldn't even have to say this,” Inukas.h.i.+ gave an exaggerated huff. You're right, Nezumi muttered.
What the h.e.l.l has gotten into him?
Is he scared about what's gonna happen?