Vol 3 Chapter 1.1 (2/2)

”I've never thought of it like that...” he said pensively. ”A gift of memory, huh...”

s.h.i.+on knelt at the river's edge and sipped a mouthful of water.

It was cold. It soaked through his entire body, and it was delicious.

Ah yes, it's this water.

It was the water that had quenched his exhausted body like an elixir after his battle with the parasite wasp. Not only his body― it was from the moment the water had slid down his throat and he had found it delicious, that s.h.i.+on's entire being was revived again. He believed it so.

This water was connected to what it meant to be alive. This coldness, this deliciousness. It was connected to the voice that called to him, telling him, don't die, live, come crawling back up again.

That was why he would remember it forever. There was no way he could forget it. Deep within s.h.i.+on, this water and that voice had set its roots down, and would continue to thrive, never to wither. And at times, it would float to the surface of his conscious, and each time, it would whisper to him.

Don't die. Live. Come crawling back up again.

It was a gift of memory, indeed.

”I'll bring ya some lunch.” Inukas.h.i.+ stood atop the rubble, and spoke in a tone that sounded more like a command. ”You better be finished with that black one by the time I get back. I won't let you have it until you're finished.”

”Wow, I even get lunch? That's nice of you.”

”I don't just serve this to anyone, you know. It's a full-course meal. And by full I mean two: bread and dried fruit.”

”That's more than enough.”

Running a brush through the black dog's fur, s.h.i.+on grinned at Inukas.h.i.+. Months had pa.s.sed since escaping to the West Block, and chronic hunger gnawed at s.h.i.+on persistently. At times he wished he could eat his fill of dishes with plenty of meat, fish, and eggs, and he yearned for the bread and cakes that his mother Karan baked. But in contrast, things that he had never even acknowledged as food before― soup made with bits and ends of vegetables, and bread that was beginning to mould― made his mouth water, and satiated his appet.i.te.

Being able to eat is enough.

Here, everyone was starving. They starved, froze, and pa.s.sed away. s.h.i.+on knew in his own way how precious the single slice of bread was that Inukas.h.i.+ was about to give him.

He looked up to the sky. The sun was bright. This light was also s.h.i.+ning down on No. 6. His former workplace at the Forest Park, the high-end residential area of Chronos, Lost Town, where his mother lived, and here, West Block, were bathed in the same light. But things were so different. Too different.

Divided by a wall of special alloy, prosperity and poverty stood in opposition to each other. Life and death. Light and dark. At the same hour that an extravagant party was being hosted in the interior of No. 6, while people smacked their lips at the numerous elaborate and delectable dishes, in a corner of the West Block, an elderly person clad in rags would starve to death. While the boys and girls of No. 6 would crawl into their beds in their air-conditioned rooms, the children in the barracks of the West Block would huddle close to each other to avoid freezing to death.

It was the truth that s.h.i.+on had seen with his eyes. There were far too few things which were like the sunlight, equally and amply distributed among all.

”Get working, then,” Inukas.h.i.+ spat, and disappeared in the shadows of the ruin.

All that remained of the entranceway, which had probably once been flanked by thick, wooden doors, were pairs of rusted hinges. Every time the wind blew in, their screeching noise a.s.saulted the ears. Inukas.h.i.+ pa.s.sed through that entrance to climb the stairs to the second floor. Some sort of architectural consideration had left this particular part of the building, which used to be a hotel, withstanding against the elements. Durable though it was, plaster still peeled from the walls, and the hallways and ceilings were webbed with countless cracks.

Buildings too possessed a life. From the moment they were abandoned, buildings began to decay. They began to die. This hotel, which had become a ruin, continued crumbling and decaying still. It marched steadily toward destruction, neither loathing the heartlessness of its human owners, nor lamenting its fate.

Inukas.h.i.+ occasionally wondered what he would do once this building had completely collapsed into rubble.

The old man that had picked him up, given him dog's milk, and taught him speech and the written word was no longer here. He had wandered outside one snowy day, never to return again.

Snow? Was it snowing? Maybe it was thundering that day. Or it might have been a morning with chapped winds... either way, the old man disappeared. He vanished, without even leaving any words of farewell.

He wasn't lonely, because he had his dogs. From that day until now, he had lived here with them. He knew no other home. He also knew of no other human company. Nezumi was probably the same. He may have been to more places than Inukas.h.i.+, but he probably lived alone, not knowing anyone else, nor ever having the need to know. Inukas.h.i.+ had a.s.sumed so, for no particular reason. He had no grounds for his argument, but he figured he wasn't entirely wrong. Inukas.h.i.+ had a sharp sense of smell. Nezumi always only carried the smell of loneliness. When that scent blurred, and Inukas.h.i.+ had begun to notice a mingled scent of another, s.h.i.+on had appeared before him.

He was a weirdo. He was very strange. His hair was snowy-white, and he had a red scar. Though Inukas.h.i.+ wasn't sure, he'd heard that the raised scar covered s.h.i.+on's whole body like a coiled snake. But in terms of appearance, there were tons more people who were weirder than him. His appearance wasn't the only thing― s.h.i.+on was also weird on the inside. He said not to dirty the water for the brats downstream. He said the people inside the Holy City and people like us were the same. And he talked about the gift of memory. Not as any kind of joke or sarcasm, but in all seriousness.

He was weird. Very weird. Why is Nezumi hanging around a weirdo like him?

Inukas.h.i.+ walked down the hall, and opened the door at the very end of it.

”Nezumi.”

Nezumi was sitting in a chair with his feet up on the table.

”Can't you even knock before entering the room?” Inukas.h.i.+ said irritably. ”Someone didn't learn proper manners from Mama. Geez.” He then swung a blow as hard as he could toward the pair of long legs resting on the table. Nezumi sniffed lightly in derision, and took his legs off.

”I called out before coming in. That dog gave me permission to enter.” A dog with black patches on its fur was lying in a corner of the room. It c.o.c.ked its head to the side, and gave a wide yawn.

”If you're here to pick up s.h.i.+on, you're early. If he keeps going at this pace, he probably won't be done 'til evening.”

”Pick up? Never.”

”But he scuffled with the Disposers, din' he? Isn't it dangerous to let him walk by himself? I'll send him with a dog on the way home, either way.”

”That's good enough.”

”But the Disposers don't give up easily. That guy stands out, and if he gets caught, who knows what they might do to him.”

Nezumi's grey eyes sparkled, and a slight smile played on his lips.

”Does it matter to us what the Disposers do to s.h.i.+on? What's up, Inukas.h.i.+? You're being awfully nice. Not like you at all.”

Inukas.h.i.+ glared at Nezumi silently.

The small playhouse was one of the few entertainment facilities in the West Block. And as one who stood upon its stage, Nezumi made his audience pay― or rather, made them want to pay― out of what little money they had for a show that provided them no physical nourishment. It was Nezumi's beautiful countenance and deep, clear voice that made them want to. His voice laid trapped and dying souls to rest, gently detaching them from the body. His appearance made it impossible to discern whether he was male or female, human or demon, G.o.d or the Devil. His audience, in a brief slice of the evening, could forget the day's hards.h.i.+ps and the next day's sorrows, and let themselves be immersed and intoxicated by his voice.

Once the outside the shabby doors of the playhouse, reality waited for them― no money in their pockets; children crying for food at home― but despite that, the people's faces were always filled with drunken contentment as they scattered hither and thither into the darkness.

It's all an illusion. He's just a big fraud.

Every time he met with Nezumi, Inukas.h.i.+ mentally spat these words from the pit of his stomach. Nezumi was like the beautiful mistress who manipulated men and milked them of all that they were worth. Inukas.h.i.+ had been through that experience once, too.

Mum was suffering so much, I didn't know what else to do but to call him. I asked him to let my Mum's soul go peacefully. That was still good. His song was impressive, and my Mum was released from suffering. But what he did before that― the sheer amount of money he demanded while my Mum lay there suffering― it was enough money for me to live a whole month without working. With other dogs, I would've given up. I would slit their throat, or smash their skull with my own hands, and let them die a quick and easy death. But I couldn't do that to my Mum. I could never do that to her with my own hands. He knew that, and that's why he demanded that sum. After burying Mum in her grave, me and the dogs had to work for three days without any food. He's a fraud. He captures people's souls, clamps down on them, and shows them a fleeting dream. It might be vivid, but it's still fake. Dreams are dreams. You can't live on them.

Inukas.h.i.+ unlocked the cabinet and retrieved the bread and a bag of dried fruits.

”If you're not here to pick s.h.i.+on up, what're you here for?”

”Can you treat me to some lunch? I'm starving.”

”You jest,” Inukas.h.i.+ said in a mocking voice. ”I don't have anything fitting for a star actor like you. But if you pay me one silver coin, I can give you bread, fruits, and water.”

”One silver coin for mouldy bread, rock-hard dried fruits and water from the stream? That's stretching it, Inukas.h.i.+.”

”Way cheaper than how much it costs for your singing.”

Nezumi chuckled softly.

”You still holding a grudge about that?”

”d.a.m.n right, I am.”

”I sang for your dogs so many times after that. It might as well have been charity, for the amount I took as payment.”

”That's what p.i.s.ses me off even more. You took advantage of me. I got gypped out of all the money I had that time. I was this close to starving to death.”

”Well, if that happens again, feel free to call me,” Nezumi said amiably. ”I'll sing you a song about food, and see you off.”

”Just teeming with compa.s.sion, aren't you?” Inukas.h.i.+ retorted. He hunched his shoulders, and stood directly in front of Nezumi. He posed his question once more.

”What do you want?”

Nezumi, still deeply seated in the chair, tossed a single coin onto the table. Inukas.h.i.+'s eyes widened.

”Gold...” he whispered.

”It's real. See for yourself.”

Inukas.h.i.+ pinched the s.h.i.+ny coin between his fingertips, and gazed at it.

”You're right― it's real. Yeah. It's the real thing.”

”I want you to do a job for me,” Nezumi said in an expressionless voice.

”Job? A job that's worth a whole gold coin?”

”That's down payment. After the job is done, I'll give you another gold coin.”

”Big spender, aren't you? But I won't take it.” Inukas.h.i.+ flung the coin out onto the table.

”You're going to refuse a job worth two gold coins without even hearing about it?”

”I'm refusing it because it's a job worth two gold coins. I can just smell the stench.”

”Stench?”

”The smell of danger. My nose is warning me― it's saying, don't go there, or else you'll get killed. I don't care how much money you're gonna pile on. If I die, it's all over. Either way, any job that involves a Rat and is worth two gold coins is like sticking my hand into a nest of poisonous snakes. I don't wanna die just yet.”

”That's why you get the money without dying― isn't that what doing a job is all about? Avoiding danger isn't gonna turn you a profit.”

”It depends on the level of danger. All your jobs are dangerous and tricky. This is two whole gold coins we're talking about here. If anyone else came to me with that deal, I'd have taken it in a split second. d.a.m.nit,” Inukas.h.i.+ grumbled. ”I feel ripped off already.”

Nezumi stood up, and pocketed the gold coins.

”That's too bad. I guess it can't be helped.”

”No hard feelings. Things are just too risky with you. To be honest, I don't even wanna have much to do with you.”

”Then it's mutual,” Nezumi said airily. ”Fine. Let's not meddle with each other anymore. I'll never come to you with a job again. As for you, no matter how much you suffer, be sure you don't come to me about it.”

Inukas.h.i.+ hastily grabbed Nezumi's arm as he turned his back. He had lunged so suddenly that he almost tripped over himself.

”W-Wait a minute, Nezumi. What do you mean, no matter how much I suffer?”

”I just told you. If you end up like your mother someday and you're suffering because you can't die, it won't have anything to do with me. You can call me, but I won't come.”

”What're you going on about...?” Inukas.h.i.+ said shakily. ”Me, going through a painful death? That would never happen... Besides, I'm younger than you, aren't I? I think so, at least.”

Nezumi lazily brushed Inukas.h.i.+'s hand off.

”Inukas.h.i.+, age doesn't matter in this place. You know that, don't you? Death can never be predicted. It just comes. And how many people here are lucky enough to die painlessly, huh? The majority suffer, suffer, and die writhing. Tomorrow, someone might stab a knife into your stomach. You might crack your skull open on a falling piece of debris. You might get bacteria into a wound, have it fester, and rot alive. You might come down with a serious illness. Can you guarantee that none of that is going to happen to you? Huh, Inukas.h.i.+? Can you say with certainty that you, above all people, will die without suffering?”

The pair of grey eyes bore into him. They had the l.u.s.tre of fine cloth, and glowed dimly like the clouds when they shrouded the sun. His voice reverberated deep in his ears.

Inukas.h.i.+ sucked a breath in, and took a step backwards.

It was a trick. An illusion. He's trying to suck me in.

”Suffer all you may because you can't die. I won't get involved. Fine with you, right?”

Inukas.h.i.+ sank into a chair.

He knew death. He had seen it countless times. Not one of them could be called decent. That was why― that was why he wanted to stay alive. He felt like as long as he survived, he would be able to experience a more-or-less better death. Although much too insignificant to call it hope, Inukas.h.i.+ admitted feeling a sort of longing for peaceful death.

d.a.m.nit.

He gritted his teeth. Nezumi's lips curled thinly into a smile.

This is a threat. I can easily turn Nezumi down now. But after that, if I were to get into the same fix as Mum did― my bones broken, my insides crushed, blood spurting from my mouth― and I had to die that way... If there was nothing to ease my pain, numb it even just a little― if I had no choice but to moan and plead for someone to kill me, quickly, please, until death came to claim me― Just thinking about it sent a chill down his spine. He broke into a sweat.

”Sit down,” Inukas.h.i.+ uttered weakly. ”I'll listen to what you have to say, first.”

Nezumi's gloved hand extended toward him and caressed his cheek.

”Good boy.”

”f.u.c.k you.”

Inukas.h.i.+ glared at the face that still smiled wanly at him. ”Lemme tell you something, Nezumi. Don't think this shebang is gonna work every time.”

”Shebang? I only want you to do a job for me. A rude way to treat a customer, don't you think, Inukas.h.i.+?”

”Is this your idea of a decent customer? Taking advantage of someone's weakness, threatening him, and then forcing a dangerous job on him? I think even fleas are a little nicer to the dogs they infest, compared to you.”

”Wouldn't you say,” Nezumi said, ”that the fault lies with that person for having a weakness that can be taken advantage of in the first place? In these parts, exposing your weakness can cost you your life. Not news to you, I hope?”

Nezumi once more gently stroked Inukas.h.i.+'s cheek as he fell silent, and murmured sympathetically.

”You're afraid of death. More than anything, you're afraid of the suffering that leads up to it. You'd do anything to be spared from it. I know that, and I'm able to ease that pain for you, am I not? I don't want to blackmail and wring things out of you. I'm taking the proper steps, paying you money in exchange for a job.”

”That's enough!” Inukas.h.i.+ slammed the table with his fist. Two puppies that were playing under the table shot out from under it and fled.

”You fraud, you sophist, you third-rate actor! I hope you choke on rat poison and die.” Out of breath, Inukas.h.i.+ inhaled raggedly.

”Are you finished?” Nezumi said momentarily. His calm and unruffled tone further stirred Inukas.h.i.+'s wrath. But it was no use getting irritated. Nezumi was right. He was at fault for exposing his weakness and leaving himself vulnerable. These were the rules of this land.

Inukas.h.i.+ sighed, and adjusted himself in his seat.

”Let's hear what you have to say. I don't have much time. Keep it short and sweet.”

Nezumi lowered himself into a seat as well. He was no longer smiling.

Notes

Shakespeare, William. Macbeth. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 1921-1951. (1.7. 81-82) (back)

This whole pa.s.sage is a play on words with the double-meaning of amaiwhich can mean both ”sweet” and ”indulgent/naive”. I've subst.i.tuted the whole a.n.a.logy with clouds/s.p.a.ce because a literal translation wouldn't make sense. Inukas.h.i.+ also uses the a.n.a.logy to allude to how s.h.i.+on's arguments ”melt” easily (i.e. they're unfounded, hence erode easily). However, for reference, here are the literal translations:

”If you're serious about the sweet things you're saying, you'd never survive here.”

”Nezumi tells me the same thing, that I'm too sweet.”

”Too sweet doesn't cut it. What you're talking about is more like a sugar castle. I've never seen or eaten a sugar castle myself, but it's supposed to be really sweet, and it melts when you pour water on it, right?”

”I've never poured water on one, but I guess you're right, it's really sweet.”

(back)

<script>