Vol 2 Chapter 1.2 (1/2)
[Novel] NO. 6 - Vol 2 Ch 1 (b)
This is a continuation of PART A.
Hover over the image to see the text.
By the time a week rolled around, s.h.i.+on had managed to organize almost all of the books that had been dominating most of the floor. Of course, it was impossible to find shelf s.p.a.ce for all of them, and many piles of books still remained on the floor ― but it had cleared up a considerable amount of living s.p.a.ce.
”So what do you think?” s.h.i.+on puffed out his chest proudly. Nezumi was draped lazily over the chair. He yawned.
”The emergency kit, a couple blankets, a mug, and an old heater. Is that all you managed to find?”
”That's a lot,” s.h.i.+on replied indignantly.
”Too bad you couldn't find an entry permit into No. 6.”
s.h.i.+on moved in front of Nezumi, and looked him directly in the eye. If he was going to speak in earnest, he mustn't avert the other's gaze. It was one of the things he had learned in his one month of living with Nezumi. s.h.i.+on bent over, and clasped each hand around the armrests of the chair.
”What?”
s.h.i.+on was now blocking Nezumi from the front. Nezumi s.h.i.+fted uneasily in his seat.
”Nezumi, my mother is still in No. 6. She's my only blood relative. I don't care how much you laugh at me for it, but I'll never be able to cut her off. But― but let me say this. I have no attachments to life in that city anymore. Even if someone told me I could go back in time, I wouldn't want to go back to when I had the privilege to live in No. 6 as its legitimate citizen. I'm serious― I wouldn't want to return one bit.”
The grey eyes on the other end of s.h.i.+on's gaze didn't blink once.
”You said that my life in No. 6 was fake. Now I've experienced it for myself. And I never, ever want to return to a life that's fake, and only peaceful and privileged in appearance.”
”So you're prepared to live life outside of the Holy City, is that what you're telling me?”
”Yeah.”
”Do you know what kind of place this is?”
He hesitated to answer. Nezumi's lips twisted into a cold smile.
”You don't know anything,” he said softly. ”You don't know what it's like to starve, to s.h.i.+ver in the cold, to groan from a wound that's festered because it's been left untreated too long; you don't know the suffering that follows when that wound becomes infested with maggots, and you start rotting alive; you don't know how it feels to watch someone die in front of you, while there's nothing you can do to help them. You don't know a single thing. You're just rattling off pretty words. You've experienced it for yourself, you say? You've only peeled the surface of that city and sniffed at it, and already you're acting like you know everything about it. It might be a city of lies, but in No. 6 you have a warm bed, plenty of food and clean water. You have fully-equipped medical facilities, recreational facilities, educational inst.i.tutions. Everything that residents here would never be able to have, no matter how hard they wished. And you say you have no attachments to those? That's arrogant of you. So arrogant it makes my skin crawl. Either that, or you're a liar.”
s.h.i.+on drew a breath. He tightened his grip on the armrests.
”It might be arrogant― but I'm not lying. Regardless of what kind of place is, I still want to continue living here. It's not because I got chased out of No. 6 as a criminal. Even if I wasn't― no matter how horrible this environment turns out to be, I want to stay here.”
”What's your reason?” Nezumi shot back. ”If you're not lying, and if you're not trying to impress me with a model answer, what lead you to make that decision?”
”I'm drawn to you.”
”Huh?”
”You know things that I don't know. You've taught me things that no one has ever taught me before. I can't say it well, but―” he hesitated. ”I'm drawn to you. A lot. That's why I want to stay here. I want to see what you see, eat what you eat, and breathe the same air as you. I want to hold in these hands what I would never have been able to get in No. 6.”
Nezumi slowly blinked twice. Then, he placed a palm on his forehead and shook his head slowly in exasperation.
”s.h.i.+on, I've been noticing this for some time now, but―”
”Yeah?”
”Your language ability is worse than a chimpanzee.”
”I've heard before that the genome of a human and chimpanzee are only different by 1.23%,” said s.h.i.+on, unfazed. ”I don't think you should mock chimpanzees.”
”I'm mocking you. Idiot. Don't you have any idea what proper expressions to use?”
”Was there something weird about what I said?”
”Don't use words like 'drawn to' so easily. It's a very weighty, important word. You're only supposed to use it for a special, irreplaceable person in your life.”
”Then how am I supposed to say it? Do I say I love you?”
Nezumi heaved a long, exaggerated sigh. ”Never mind,” he muttered. ”It messes me up when I talk to you. Here,” he pushed a thick book into s.h.i.+on's hands, and stood up. ”Hamlet. Read it.”
”I already have.”
”Then read it again. Give that crippled language ability of yours some good, hard training. Learn some words.”
”Was I off-the-mark that badly?”
Nezumi's words quickened.
”You're just fascinated by new and unusual things. You're like a scholar who's discovered a new planet, or a new kind of bacteria. You're just itching with curiosity because you've met someone who's different from all the people that used to surround you. That's it. You're not drawn to me, and you're not in love with me. You're just excited about the exotic animal you've discovered. Can't you even tell the difference?”
They were harsh words. They became sharp thorns that stabbed at s.h.i.+on's eardrums.
”I don't trust you,” Nezumi said.
s.h.i.+on raised his face, and his gaze collided with Nezumi's. He had been biting his lip without thinking.
”I don't trust anything you say. You're someone who's been living in artificial abundance since you were born. And you're arrogant enough to be able to say you can throw away that fortune easily. ―s.h.i.+on,” he said suddenly. ”When you used to do that cleaning job at the park, you had to do that ritual every morning, didn't you?”
The ritual was always the first task in s.h.i.+on's work day. He had to lay a palm on the image of the City Hall ― or Moondrop, informally ― that was displayed on monitor of the maintenance system, and pledge his allegiance.
”I hereon and ever pledge my unwavering allegiance to the City of No. 6.”
”Our grat.i.tude for your loyalty. Engage in your day's labour with sincerity and pride as a good citizen of the City.”
That was it. Every morning, he had repeated the same task. It had been a sore discomfort for him. His youthful pride stung for having to repeat these ba.n.a.l and grandiose words, and for this ritual itself, which seemed foolish.
Nezumi gave a short laugh.
”You hated it, didn't you.”
”Yeah.”
”Felt suffocated, didn't you, being forced to declare your loyalty.”
”Yeah... now that you mention it.”
”But you put up with it,” Nezumi said. ”Instead of retaliating, you recited this pledge every morning, not meaning a single word of it, and pretended it didn't bother you. Let me tell you something, s.h.i.+on: words aren't things that you can toss around casually. You can't let yourself be forced to say something, and just put up with it. But you don't know that. So that's why I'm not going to trust you.”
Nezumi's hand suddenly extended toward him. His palm touched s.h.i.+on's cheek.
”Did that hurt?” he asked gently.
”Quite a bit.”
”―I don't have any grudge against you. And I don't hate you, either.”
”I know...” s.h.i.+on answered quietly. ”That much I can tell.”
”s.h.i.+on.”
”Hm?”
”Feel like going outside?”
His fingers caressed s.h.i.+on's hair.
”You're fully recovered, now, aren't you? Feel like seeing for yourself the place you've decided to continue living in?”
Nezumi's hand slowly drew away. Several strands of white hair clung to his long fingers. s.h.i.+on's hair still had some l.u.s.tre despite being drained of its colour, and to certain eyes he figured it might look pretty. But he felt its beauty to be cruel. In a single night, the colour had faded from his hair, and he had been scarred with a red band that slithered like a serpent over his entire body. He had been seen by children, who had shrieked at the sight of him. He couldn't forget the look in their eyes. They were filled with dismay and horror like the eyes of one who beheld a deformed monster. But he had to go outside. He wanted to see the world he was going to live in with his own eyes, hear the sounds with his own ears, smell with his nose, and feel it on his own skin. Then, maybe, he would speak to Nezumi about it again.
No matter what kind of place this is, I want to keep living here. Rather than being surrounded by falsities, and being forced to swallow ba.n.a.l words, I want to live here― even if it means I have to struggle―
”We can dye your hair, if it'll make you feel better at all,” Nezumi said. ”Black, brown, green― whatever colour you wish. What do you wanna do?”
”No, it's fine.”