Part 11 (1/2)
”Really!” said Mike. He hoped his face did not betray his great surprise. This was the first time he had ever heard a lady admit she had had a lover.
”We do not often meet; he doesn't live in England. I have not seen him for more than six months.”
”Do you think he is faithful to you all that time?”
”What does it matter whether he is or not? When we meet we love each other just the same.”
”I have never known a woman like you. You are the only one that has ever interested me. If you had been my mistress or my wife you would have been happier; you would have worked, and in work, not in pleasure, we may cheat life. You would have written your books, I should have written mine.”
”I don't want you to think I am whining about my lot. I know what the value of life is; I'm not deceived, that is all.”
”You are unhappy because your present life affords no outlet for your talent. Ah! had you had to fight the battle! How happy it would have made me to fight life with you! I wonder you never thought of leaving your husband, and throwing yourself into the battle of work.”
”Supposing I wasn't able to make my living. To give up my home would be running too great a risk.”
”How common all are when you begin to know them,” thought Mike.
They spoke of the books they had read. She told him of _Le Journal d'Amiel_, explaining the charm that that lamentable record of a narrow, weak mind, whose power lay in an intense consciousness of its own failure, had for her. She spoke savagely, tearing out her soul, and flinging it as it were in Mike's face, frightening him not a little.
”I wish I had known Amiel; I think I could have loved him.”
”Did he never write anything but this diary?”
”Oh, yes; but nothing of any worth. The diary was not written for publication. A friend of his found it among his papers, and from a huge ma.s.s extricated two volumes.” Then speaking in praise of the pessimism of the Russian novels, she said--”There is no pleasure in life--at least none for me; the only thing that sustains me is curiosity.”
”I don't speak of love, but have you no affection for your friends?--you like me, for instance.”
”I am interested in you--you rouse my curiosity; but when I know you, I shall pa.s.s you by just like another.”
”You are frank, to say the least of it. But like all other women, I suppose you like pleasure, and I adore you; I really do. I have never seen any one like you. You are superb to-night; let me kiss you.” He took her in his arms.
”No, no; loose me. You do not love me, I do not love you; this is merely vice.”
He pleaded she was mistaken. They spoke of indifferent things, and soon after went in to supper.
”What a beautiful piece of tapestry!” said Lady Helen.
”Yes, isn't it. But how strange!” he said, stopping in the doorway.
”See how exquisitely real is the unreal--that is to say, how full of idea, how suggestive! Those blue trees and green skies, those nymphs like unswathed mummies, colourless but for the red worsted of their lips,--that one leaning on her bow, pointing to the stag that the hunters are pursuing through a mysterious yellow forest,--are to my mind infinitely more real than the women bending over their plates.
At this moment the real is mean and trivial, the ideal is full of evocation.”
”The real and the ideal; why distinguish as people usually distinguish between the words? The real is but the shadow of the ideal, the ideal but the shadow of the real.”
The table was in disorder of cut pineapple, scattered dishes, and drooping flowers. Muchross, Snowdown, d.i.c.ky the driver, and others were grouped about the end of the table, and a waiter who styled them ”most amusing gentlemen,” supplied fresh bottles of champagne.
Muchross had made several speeches, and now jumping on a chair, he discoursed on the tapestry, drawing outrageous parallels, and talking unexpected nonsense. The castle he identified as the cottage where he and Jenny had spent the summer; the bleary-eyed old peac.o.c.k was the chicken he had dosed with cayenne pepper, hoping to cure its rheumatism; the pool with the white threads for sunlight was the water-b.u.t.t into which Tom had fallen from the tiles--”those are the hairs out of his own old tail.” The nymphs were Laura, Maggie, Emily, &c. Mike asked Lady Helen to come into the dancing-room, but she did not appear to hear, and her laughter encouraged Muchross to further excesses. The riot had reached its height and dancers were beginning to come from the drawing-room to ask what it was all about.
”All about!” shouted Muchross; ”I don't care any more about nymphs--I only care about getting drunk and singing. 'What cheer, 'Ria!'”
”Don't you care for dancing?” said Lady Helen, with tears running down her cheeks.
”Ra-ther; see me dance the polka, dear girl.” And they went banging through the dancers. Snowdown and d.i.c.ky shouted approval.