Part 10 (1/2)
PODB. (_nettled_). Oh--but _you_ find him plain-sailing enough, I suppose?
CULCH. I have certainly not encountered any insuperable difficulties in his works as _yet_.
PODB. Well, I'll just trouble you to explain _this_--wait a bit. (_Opens volume again._) Ah, here we are--”And these illusive and primordial cognitions, or pseud-ideas, are h.o.m.ogeneous ent.i.ties which may be differentiated objectively or subjectively, according as they are presented as Noumenon or Phenomenon. Or, in other words, they are only cognoscible as a colligation of incongruous coalescences.” Now then--are you going to tell me you can make head or tail of all that?
CULCH. (_perceiving that_ MISS P. _is awaiting his reply in manifest suspense_). It's simple enough, my dear fellow, only I can't expect _you_ to grasp it. It is merely a profound truth stated with masterly precision.
PODB. Oh, is _that_ all, my dear fellow? (_He flings up his heels in an ecstasy._) I _knew_ I'd have you! Why, I made that up myself as I went along, and if _you_ understand it, it's a jolly sight more than _I_ do!
[_He roars with laughter._
MISS P. (_behind her handkerchief_). Mr. Culchard has evidently gone through the--the ”preliminary mental discipline.”
CULCH. (_scarlet and sulky_). Of course, if Mr. Podbury descends to childishness of that sort, I can't pretend to----
PODB. (_wiping his eyes_). But you _did_ pretend, old chap. You said it was ”profound truth” and ”masterly precision”! I've got more profound truth where _that_ came from. I say, I shall set up as an intellectual Johnny after this, and get you to write an Epitome of me. I think I pulled your leg _that_ time, eh?
CULCH. (_biting his lip_). When you have extracted sufficient entertainment from that very small joke, you will perhaps allow Miss Prendergast to sit down and begin her sketch. You may not be aware that you've taken her place.
[_He withdraws majestically to the parapet, while_ PODBURY _makes way for_ MISS P. _with apologies._
PODB. (_as he leans over seat while she sketches_). I wish your brother Bob had been here--he would have enjoyed that!
MISS P. It was really too bad of you, though. Poor Mr. Culchard!
PODB. He shouldn't try to make me out a bigger duffer than I am, then.
But I say, you don't _really_ think it was too bad? Ah, you're _laughing_--you don't!
MISS P. Never mind what I really think. But you have got us both into sad disgrace. Mr. Culchard is dreadfully annoyed with us--look at his _shoulders_!
CULCH. (_leaning over parapet with his back to them_). That _a.s.s_ Podbury! To think of his taking me in with an idiotic trick like that!
And before Her too! And when I had made it all right about the other evening, and was producing an excellent impression on the way up here. I wish I could hear what they are whispering about--more silly jokes at my expense, no doubt. Bah! as if it affected _me_!
PODB. (_to_ MISS P.). I say, how awfully well you draw!
MISS P. There you betray your ignorance in Art matters. Sketching with me is a pastime, not a serious pursuit. (_They go on conversing in a lower tone._) No, _please_, Mr. Podbury. I'm quite sure he would never----
PODB. (_rises; comes up to_ CULCHARD, _and touches his shoulder_). I say, old chappie----
CULCH. (_jerking away with temper_). Now, look here, Podbury. I'm not in the mood for any more of your foolery----
PODB. (_humbly_). All right, old boy. I wouldn't bother you, only Miss Prendergast wants a figure for her foreground, and I said I'd ask you if you'd keep just as you are for a few minutes. Do you mind?
CULCH. (_to himself_). Afraid she's gone too far--thinks she'll smooth me down! Upon my word, it would serve her right to--but no, I won't be petty. (_Aloud._) Pray tell Miss Prendergast that I have no immediate intention of altering my position.
PODB. Thanks awfully, old chap. I knew you'd oblige.
CULCH. (_incisively_). I am obliging Miss Prendergast, and her only.
(_Raising his voice, without turning his head._) Would you prefer me to _face_ you, Miss Prendergast?