Part 1 (1/2)
The Travelling Companions.
by F. Anstey.
CHAPTER I.
_Extremes Meet._
SCENE--_An Excursion Agent's Offices. Behind the counters polite and patient Clerks are besieged by a crowd of Intending Tourists, all asking questions at once._
FIRST INTENDING TOURIST. Here--have you made out that estimate for me yet?
CLERK. In one moment, Sir. (_He refers to a list, turns over innumerable books, jots down columns of francs, marks, and florins; reduces them to English money, and adds them up._) First cla.s.s fares on the Rhine, Danube and Black Sea steamers, I think you said, second cla.s.s rail, and postwagen?
FIRST INT. T. I did say so, I believe; but you had better make it second cla.s.s all through, and I can always pay the difference if I want to.
[_The_ CLERK _alters the sums accordingly, and adds up again._
CLERK. Fifty-five pounds fourteen and a penny, Sir. Shall I make you out the tickets now?
FIRST INT. T. Um, no. On second thoughts, I'd like to see one of your short Circular Tours for the English Lakes, or Wales, before I decide.
[_The_ CLERK _hands him a quant.i.ty of leaflets, with which he retires._
_Enter_ MR. CLARENDON CULCHARD, _age about twenty-eight; in Somerset House; tall; wears gla.s.ses, stoops slightly, dresses carefully, though his tall hat is of the last fas.h.i.+on but two.
He looks about him expectantly, and then sits down to wait._
CULCHARD (_to himself_). No sign of him yet! I _do_ like a man to keep an appointment. If this is the way he _begins_--I have my doubts whether he is _quite_ the sort of fellow to--but I took the precaution to ask Hugh Rose about him, and Rose said he was the best company in the world, and I couldn't help getting on with him. I don't think Rose would deceive me. And from all I've seen of Podbury, he seems a pleasant fellow enough. What a Babel! All these people bent on pleasure, going to seek it in as many directions--with what success no one can predict.
There's an idea for a sonnet there.
[_He brings out a pocket-book, and begins to write--”As when a----”_
AN AMURRCAN CITIZEN (_to_ CLERK). See here, I've been around with your tickets in Yurrup, and when I was at Vernis, I bought some goods at a store there, and paid cash down for 'em, and they promised to send 'em on for me right here, and that was last fall, and I've never heard any more of 'em, and what I want _you_ should do now is to instruct your representative at Vernis to go round and hev a talk with that man, and ask him what in thunder he means by it, and kinder hint that he'll hev the Amurrcan Consul in his hair pretty smart, if he don't look slippier!
[_The_ CLERK _mildly suggests that it would be better to communicate directly with the American Consulate, or with the tradesman himself._
THE A. C. But hold on--how'm I goin' to write to that sharp, when I've lost his address, and disremember his name? Can't you mail a few particulars to your agent, so he'll identify him? No? (_Disappointed._) Well, I thought you'd ha' fixed up a little thing like that, anyhow; in my country they'd ha' done it right away. Yes, _Sir_!
[_He goes away in grieved surprise._
_Enter_ MR. JAMES PODBURY, _age twenty-six; in a City Office; short, fresh-coloured, jaunty; close-cut dark hair. Not having been to the City to-day, he is wearing light tweeds, and brown boots._
[Ill.u.s.tration: Yes, Sir]
PODBURY (_to himself_). Just nicked it--(_looks at clock_)--more or less. And he doesn't seem to have turned up yet. Wonder how we shall hit it off together. Hughie Rose said he was a capital good chap--when you once got over his manner. Anyhow, it's a great tip to go abroad with a fellow who knows the ropes. (_Suddenly sees_ CULCHARD _absorbed in his note-book_.) So _here_ you are, eh?
CULCH. (_slightly scandalized by the tweeds and the brown boots_). Yes, I've been here some little time. I wish you could have managed to come before, because they close early here to-day, and I wanted to go thoroughly over the tour I sketched out before getting the tickets.
[_He produces an elaborate outline._
PODB. (_easily_). Oh, _that's_ all right! I don't care where _I_ go! All I want is, to see as much as we can in the time--leave all the rest to you. I'll sit here while you get the tickets.