Part 15 (1/2)

Startled, Alisoun stared at her gentle friend. She didn't know Philippa as well as she thought. Or else what Philippa said was true. Having a child changed a woman in some basic way. ”Do you think I'd be a good mother?”

”If you're going to embark on this course, I would advise planning on more than one child. You'd be obsessive about a single babe, I think, and smother it with care. Two children would distract you and you'd not ruin the one.”

”You know this, do you? You with the one?”

”I'd have ten if I could. You know that.”

Alisoun laughed lightly, trying to pretend she'd been joking, when in fact the plan sounded more and more reasonable. ”This is a ridiculous conversation. Advising me to have a b.a.s.t.a.r.d is a stupid idea. I don't know why I listen to you.”

”Why did you?” Philippa said shrewdly.

Something lit inside Alisoun, something she didn't recognize until it spilled out as a flash of anger and spite. ”You've got no father for that child, and you're frightened and miserable. Do you want me to be like you?”

Philippa s.n.a.t.c.hed Hazel up and hugged her against her chest while the baby struggled to get down.

Aghast at herself at once, Alisoun stammered, ”I don't know why I said that. It's just-I always thought if I lived my life logically and organized well, I would have the life that I wanted. But I couldn't have planned for what happened to you, and it's made me examine myself and realize-” she plucked the cat off her shoulder and hugged it much as Philippa hugged her daughter, ”-what I have are just things, and there's no reason to care for them when there's no one to enjoy the fruits.”

”Don't cry!”

Alisoun hadn't realized she was, but tears were dropping onto Tochi's plants.

”Oh, Alisoun.” Holding Hazel, Philippa walked over on her knees and embraced her lady. ”I wasn't trying to upset you. It's just that-”

”Well, I can't. I can't have a child. That's unacceptable. But when I think about it, it just seems that...”

”I know.” Philippa wiped her nose on her sleeve. ”I feel like that, too.”

Hazel squirmed between them and Alisoun gave her a tentative peck. The baby didn't cry, so she gave her another one, then laid her head against the child's spa.r.s.e hair. The thin strands felt like silk beneath her cheek as Hazel leaned into her, and just for a moment she conjured up seditious thoughts. Thoughts of holding her own child and having it love her.

So foolish. So seductive. She mourned. ”All our bright plans, all of our youth, gone already, wasted-”

The gate swung open and the women sprang apart. Sir Walter walked in, a definite swagger to his step, and stopped at the sight of their tearstained faces. ”Lady Alisoun?”

”We're just helping Tochi with the weeding,” Alisoun said.

He surveyed the damage and politely said, ”Of course.”

Alisoun looked around her and saw what he saw, but she made no apology. ”Was there something you wanted?”

He didn't smile, but something about the way he stood indicated his smug superiority. ”I think there is something you should see.”

10.

As Alisoun approached the training area, she asked, ”Why are all these people lingering here, hanging on the fence, when they have work to do?”

With relish, Sir Walter said, ”They're having their eyes opened.”

Alisoun didn't like that. She didn't like Sir Walter's att.i.tude or the way he held her elbow as if she would try to escape. Stopping, she disengaged his fingers from her arm. ”I can walk alone, I thank you, Sir Walter.”

”We'll see, my lady.”

Then he strode on ahead and held the gate for her.

An open fence surrounded the training yard, built to retain the destriers in case a knight was unhorsed during an exercise. Alisoun entered with caution and looked around. Lady Edlyn and the house servants, the stableboys, and the washerwomen hung over the rails, all watching the scene unfolding before them with the same dazed, horrified expressions. Ivo stood with his arms crossed over his ma.s.sive chest, disgust tying his forehead into a knot. Gunnewate leaned against the fence, picking at his few teeth and staring as if he couldn't credit his eyes.

Alisoun followed their gazes and saw Hugh, her oldest, most talented squire, on his warhorse, facing Sir David and King Louis across the tilting run. Both men wore hauberks that glinted in the sun, and open-faced tilting helmets, and they held ash lances and great curved s.h.i.+elds. They were waiting for the signal from Andrew, who seemed to be waiting for Sir Walter. When Sir Walter nodded, Andrew shouted and the men charged at each other.

Hooves pounded the beaten ground as their lances reached out. Alisoun held her breath as each made contact with the opposing s.h.i.+eld. They squealed as they sc.r.a.ped, then David's lance shattered in three places, and he lurched in the saddle. Hugh's lance slid off David's s.h.i.+eld and caught him across the chest, knocking him off Louis. The spectators gasped as he landed on the ground with a clatter of armor.

He didn't move.

Hugh leaped from his horse, handed the reins to Andrew, and ran toward David's p.r.o.ne body. Louis skidded to a halt and trotted over to examine his master. Alisoun, too, started toward him.

No one else moved. Everyone just stared with vacant, disbelieving expressions, and she realized what had happened.

This wasn't David's first defeat by Hugh.

”He's been here all the morning-on the ground, most of the time. His swordwork isn't the equal of Hugh's. He almost lost his head when Hugh swung a mace. And now he's proved that his jousting is pathetic.” Sir Walter kept pace with her as she walked, and he didn't bother to disguise the triumph in his tone. ”The legend is dead. Sir David of Radcliffe is nothing but a washed-up, has-been failure.”

She wanted to hit Sir Walter. She wanted to take a lance herself and knock him heels over helm. Didn't he realize what he had done?

Louis reached David first and sniffed him, then released a moist snort that made him flinch. Hugh arrived next and gently pushed the destrier away, then turned David over. David released a heartfelt groan, and Hugh muttered, ”Praise the saints.”

Finally Alisoun knelt beside them and a.s.sisted Hugh in removing David's headgear. His helmet had gashed the bare part of his cheek, and only the padded arming cap he wore had saved him from further cuts. His eyelids fluttered open and the black of his pupil had expanded to cover the brown. Then they reacted to the light and shrank, and Alisoun sighed with relief. ”Is anything broken?” she asked him.

”Nothing of importance,” Sir Walter said.

Again she wondered-Didn't he realize what he had done?

David took a few quick breaths before he replied. ”Nay.” He closed his eyes as if the light hurt, then opened them again. ”Maybe a rib. Bruising.” His gaze slid to Hugh. ”Your patron saint...should be George.”

Hugh's hands trembled as he helped Alisoun remove David's gauntlets. ”I beg your forgiveness, my lord. I never thought-”

”Say no more. You're the best I've ever faced.”

David's gasps between each word warned Alisoun of extensive and painful bruising on his chest. She stood and snapped her fingers.

Like stone figures brought to life, the spectators moved. The stablemaster sent his underlings for a plank on which to lift David. Mabel, Alisoun's alewife, was also her best healer, and she hobbled into the training yard and knelt on the other side of David, asking him questions about his pains. Heath climbed the fence and ran toward Alisoun, begging for instruction, and Alisoun sent her into the keep to boil water for the poultices they would make. Lady Edlyn walked briskly toward the keep also, and Alisoun knew she had remembered her duties.

But no one spoke unnecessarily. No one teased David about his defeat. They could scarcely stand to look at him, and Alisoun could scarcely stand to look at Sir Walter.

Instead she looked at Philippa. Covered with the dirt of the garden, holding the baby, she presented a placid facade as she stood outside the fence, but Alisoun sensed the renewed fear that curled through her. Sensed it, because she felt it herself.

”'Tis as I suspected all along.” Sir Walter sought her attention. ”'Tis the reason I requested your 'legend' a.s.sist me. No knight retains his abilities without constant diligence, and yon legend has not set foot in the training yard since his arrival. I surmised his command of his art-if ever, in truth, there was such command-had faded, and I could no longer bear to have you so deceived.”

Still Alisoun refused to meet his gaze. ”Deceived? You no longer wished me to be deceived?”