Part 12 (2/2)
”And you obeyed her little rule?”
”I had to, Jack,” she defended herself. ”We had a sort of agreement before we left the Village ... It was supposed to be up to her to choose the time and place.”
'That's the lousiest agreement you ever made, Mother,” he commented.
”No. She's sick, you see. Really. She thinks she's straight. And if you hint she's not, she gets terrified. Almost hysterical. She can't accept it.”
”Why do you always fall for these well adjusted ladies?” he asked.
”Beth was well adjusted.”
”Beth is dead. As far as you're concerned.” Laura glared at him while he smiled slightly, lighting another cigarette from the one he was finis.h.i.+ng. ”So Tris is a queer queer,” he said. ”And she flirts with the opposite s.e.x. Very subversive. So what came next?”
”Well, they followed us home”
”Who?”
”Men!” she flashed peevishly. ”They followed us at the beach, in the bars, in the stores. They followed Tris, I should say. I was cold as h.e.l.l with him. I tried to keep quiet about it, but after three days of it I blew up. We had a miserable quarrel, and I was ready to pack up and leave right then. But she relented suddenly. I don't know why. I think she really likes me, Jack. Anyway, she got drunk. Just enough so that she wouldn't have to watch what I did to her ... or hear what I said to her ... or care too much...”
”That's pretty drunk,” Jack said. He knew from the way she spoke that it had hurt her to make love like that, wanting so much herself, and herself so unwanted. ”I know, Laura honey, I know the feeling,” he said and the words comforted her.
”Jack, I hope I always love you this much,” she said softly.
He looked up from his coffee cup with a little smile. ”So do I,” he said. And they looked at each other without speaking for a minute before she went on.
”Well,” she said, ”it was torture. I didn't want it any more than she did, if it had to be so cold and sad, and at the same time I had to have her. I was on fire for her. I have to give her credit, Jack, she tried. But it didn't mean anything to her.”
”It's a lonesome job,” Jack said. ”And it's never worth it”
”I cried all night,” Laura said. ”Afterwards ... I just got in my own bed and cried. And she was awake all night too, but she didn't come to me or try to comfort me. I think she was embarra.s.sed. I think she just wished she'd never gotten mixed up with me.
”The next nightaround dinner timeher husband arrived. I don't know whether she got sick of me or just scared and called him, or if they got their dates scrambled and he came too soon. You see, it turned out she had planned to meet him out there all along, after I left. But maybe I got to be too much for her and she told him to come and chase me out ... I don't know. There wasn't time to go into the fine points. But I think myself she needed a man just then, to make herself feel normal. And protected.”
”What was he like?”
”A nice guy. He really is. I know I soundTris would sayhypocritical. But I liked him. I understood right away, the minute I saw him, an awful lot of things about Tris.”
”How?”
Laura paused, gazing seriously at Jack. At last she explained, ”He's a Negro. And so is she. Only he's much darker than Tris. Very handsome, but he'd never pa.s.s as an Indian. And right away he humiliated her, without meaning to.” She smiled sadly. ”She's from New York, Jack. She was born right here and her name is Patsy Robinson. She's only seventeen but they've been married two years. She makes him keep out of sight because she thinks he'd be a drag on her career. That's why she tells everybody she's Indian, toobecause she wants to get ahead and she thinks it makes it easier.”
Jack shook his head. ”I feel for her,” he said.
”And I weep for her,” Laura said. ”You should have seen her, Jack. She was wild when Milo talked about her fake Indian past. I think it made him pretty d.a.m.n mad. That, and all the flirting, and having to live apart. And her gay and him straight! Lord, what a mess. He's in love with her; she's his wife. And she denies him, and hides him.”
Laura stopped talking then for a little while, sipping the burgundy and staring at her feet. ”I took the bus back,” she said at last. ”She screamed at me to leave. Milo apologized for her. That poor guy.”
”Do you still think you love her?” Jack asked.
”I don't know.” She sighed. ”She fascinates me. I feel sick about it, about the way things happened. If I thought I could stand it I'd go back to her. But I know I couldn't. What is love, anyway, Jack?”
”'If you have to ask you never get to know,'” he quoted. ”More?” He reached for her gla.s.s and she relinquished it with an unsteady hand. She felt completely lost, completely frustrated.
”What's Beebo doing?” she asked.
He picked up the bottle and poured some more wine into her gla.s.s. ”All kinds of things,” he said. ”She got fired, of course. Hadn't showed up for weeks.”
”Of course,” Laura repeated, bowing her head.
”She's shacking up with Lili at the moment.”
”Ohhh,” Laura groaned, and it made her feel dismal to think of it. She felt a spasm of possessiveness for Beebo. ”Lili is a terrible influence on her,” she said irritably.
”So are you.” He handed her her drink. ”The worst.”
”Not that bad.”
”Life with you,” he reminded her, ”d.a.m.n near killed the girl.”
”And me,” Laura replied. ”Did she leave the apartment?”
”No, she gets over there from time to time.”
”I wonder how she pays the rent.”
”It isn't due yet,” he said. ”Besides, I imagine Lili can help out.”
Laura shut her eyes suddenly, overwhelmed with a maddening tenderness for Beebo. ”I hate her!” she said emphatically to Jack. And he, with his uncanny ear for emotion, didn't like the emphasis.
After a slight pause he said, ”I got her a dog. Another dachshund pup.”
”That was nice of you,” she said to him in the tone mothers use when someone has done a kindly favor for their children.
”Beebo didn't think so. She didn't know whether to kiss it or throw it at me,” he said. ”She finally kissed it. But the poor thing died two days later ... yesterday, it was.”
”It died?”
”Yes.” He looked at her sharply. ”I think she ... shall we sayput it to sleep?”
”Oh, Jack!” she breathed, shocked. ”Why? Did it remind her of Nix?”
”I don't know. It didn't cheer her up, that's for d.a.m.n sure.”
Laura sat there for a while, letting him fill her gla.s.s a couple of times and listening to the FM radio and trying not to feel sorry for Beebo. ”She doesn't really need me any more, Jack,” she told him.
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