Part 22 (1/2)

'Yes. Kind of.'

He felt about nine years old, like he was being picked up from school by a pair of embarra.s.sing uncles. The Fulci brothers had their hearts in the right place well, most of the time, depending on the other parties involved, and the degree of offense that they'd caused. The trouble was that the same couldn't be said for their brains, which had a resistance to chemical intervention to rival the Ebola virus.

'They can't help how they look, I suppose,' said the nurse, adding, slightly hopefully, 'I imagine they're lovely men, really.'

He was wheeled into an elevator.

'That depends,' said Parker.

'On what?'

'On whether or not they like you.'

'Oh, that's the same for most people, isn't it?'

Parker recalled the tale of the driver an insurance salesman, if he remembered correctly who had consistently parked in the disabled spot at the back of the Fulcis' mother's house. He'd received one warning, which he ignored. That in itself was surprising. People who were warned by the Fulcis usually stayed warned. The next time he offended, the Fulcis pushed his car into the sea with their truck. The salesman was lashed to the driver's seat when they did it, and as the water climbed slowly to the level of his chest, he tried to tell them that he intended to reconsider his parking habits, although the ball gag in his mouth m.u.f.fled his words somewhat.

Subsequently, when he'd started to dry off, he might have made noises about pressing charges, until it was pointed out to him that the Fulcis knew where his house was and were not above, as Tony Fulci put it, 'picking that up as well and putting it in the f.u.c.king ocean,' a point they emphasized by returning the salesman to his car and pus.h.i.+ng the car, once more, into the sea, this time until the water reached his chin. Since then, the Fulcis' mother had enjoyed problem-free parking and her vehicle insurance bill had gone down into the bargain.

'Maybe they react more emotionally than most people,' said Parker.

'I always think big men like that have very deep feelings,' said the nurse.

'That must be it.'

The elevator opened, and he was wheeled through the lobby and out the main door, where the Fulcis' monster truck stood waiting by the curb, although it was hard to see because the Fulcis themselves were standing in front of it. Had they stood in front of the hospital itself, then it would largely have disappeared too. They were dressed in matching Izod golf s.h.i.+rts and tan pants that could have been filled with air and used as barrage balloons. As they lumbered in Parker's direction, the security guard at the door uttered an involuntary 'f.u.c.k me.'

'Don't run,' said Parker. 'It'll just set them off.'

The guard glanced at Parker to see if he was joking. When he looked away again, he didn't appear rea.s.sured.

'How you doin', Mr Parker?' said Paulie.

The Fulcis had a habit of calling him 'Mr Parker.' He supposed that it was a token of respect, in the same way that Tony, the less well-adjusted of the two although this, too, varied depending on circ.u.mstance, inclination, and possibly the cycles of the moon had once told Parker that if anyone ever p.i.s.sed him off, ever, Tony would feed him to crabs 'and wouldn't even ask why.'

'I've been better,' Parker replied.

'Sure, sure. You want us to push you?'

He looked ready to fight the orderly for control of the chair, which wouldn't have worked out well for anyone involved.

'No, this guy's got it. Just get the door open, please.'

'I'm on it.'

He hurried back to the truck while Tony stayed alongside the detective, ready to leap in and save him should a stone on the ground cause the chair to wobble. When they reached the truck, Parker had to stretch to get in the back. He couldn't help but give a small groan of pain, which led each of the Fulcis to lend a hand, almost propelling him headfirst into the bench seat.

'We got him now,' Tony told the nurse.

He radiated rea.s.surance, as if their possession of her patient could not possibly be a cause for concern. The strange development, Parker thought, was that the nurse now looked as though she might be falling slightly in love with one or both of the Fulcis, or it could just have been shock. Whatever it was, she kept staring at them as they drove away. Parker wouldn't have been surprised if she had waved a white handkerchief in farewell.

He couldn't recall ever being in their truck before, and wasn't sure that he ever wanted to again. Paulie drove with a hunched intensity: not particularly quickly, and not unduly slowly, but with the single-minded implacability of a tank commander advancing on a retreating foe. Other vehicles didn't linger long in his way, preferring to take their chances in adjoining lanes, or even on the curb. Paulie did stop for red lights, but appeared to take them very personally, and glowered in their direction until they were terrorized into changing.

'We bought you grapes,' said Tony.

He gestured to a Whole Foods bag on the floor beside Parker.

'That's kind.'

Tony waited, grinning encouragingly.

'Right,' said Parker. He could see where this was going. He dipped into the bag and popped one of the grapes into his mouth. He grimaced. He thought about spitting it out, but somehow managed to force it down.

'Guys, those are olives.'

Paulie punched his brother on the arm.

'I f.u.c.king told you!' he said.

'You don't like olives?' Tony asked, rubbing his arm while hoping to salvage something from the situation.

'It was just that I was kind of expecting a grape.'

'You see?' said Paulie to his brother. 'You f.u.c.king idiot.'

'I never been in Whole Foods before,' said Tony. 'I didn't recognize nothing there.'

'It's okay,' said Parker. 'It's the thought that counts.'

Tony wasn't to be comforted. He stared out of the window and didn't speak. Paulie put on some music. It was a Carpenters' compilation. He patted his brother's shoulder.

'It's okay,' he said. 'I shouldn't have gotten angry with you.'

'Only Yesterday' began playing. Tony cheered up some.

Parker vowed, someday, to kill Angel and Louis for this.

Angel and Louis were waiting for them at Dysart's Truck Stop and Restaurant on the outskirts of Bangor. Dysart's had been around since the 1940s, and counted as a Maine inst.i.tution. It also housed the city's Greyhound bus station, so the whole place was busy, although not so busy that the arrival of the Fulcis and their truck didn't attract attention. The world could have been ending, and people would still have stopped screaming for long enough to pause and stare at them.

Angel and Louis were sitting across from each other in a booth at the back. Parker still had his crutch as he advanced on them. Tony had insisted: 'You know, just until you're sure you can walk again.'

'I'm not crippled,' Parker told him.

'Man, that's what all crips say,' Tony replied. 'And I don't think you're allowed to call them crips no more.'

'I didn't call them crips. You did.'