Volume II Part 5 (2/2)

More than once I had recalled Harry's vivacious suggestion of the scarecrow--if one could only have been invented that would sit composedly in a chair and nod when spoken to! I was wis.h.i.+ng for some such automaton, to bear the brunt of the boring with which we were afflicted, when one day there came a little man into the garden, where I had taken refuge.

He was a short, swarthy, foreign-looking, diminutive, stiff, rather comical fellow,--little figure mostly head, little head mostly face, little face mostly nose, which was by no means little--a sort of human vegetable (to my horticultural eye) running marvellously to seed in that organ. The first thing I saw, on looking up at the sound of footsteps, was the said nose coming toward me, among the sweet-corn ta.s.sels. Nose of a decidedly Hebraic cast,--the bearer respectably dressed, though his linen had an unwholesome sallowness, and his cloth a s.h.i.+ny, much-brushed, second-hand appearance.

Without a word he walks up to me, bows solemnly, and pulls from his pocket (I thought he was laying his hand on his heart) the familiar, much-worn weapon of his cla.s.s,--the folded, torn yellow paper, ready to fall to pieces as you open it,--in short, the respectable beggar's certificate of character. With another bow (which gave his nose the aspect of the beak of a bird of prey making a pick at me) he handed the doc.u.ment. I found that it was dated in Milwaukee, and signed by the mayor of that city, two physicians, three clergymen, and an editor, who bore united testimony to the fact that Jacob Menzel--I think that was his name--the bearer, any way,--was a deaf mute, and, considering that fact, a prodigy of learning, being master of no less than five different languages (a pathetic circ.u.mstance, considering that he was unable to speak one); moreover, that he was a converted Jew; and, furthermore, a native of Germany, who had come to this country in company with two brothers, both of whom had died of cholera in St. Louis in one day; in consequence of which affliction, and his recent conversion, he was now anxious to return to Fatherland, where he proposed to devote his life to the conversion of his brethren;--the upshot of all which was that good Christians and charitable souls everywhere were earnestly recommended to aid the said Jacob Menzel in his pious undertaking.

I was fumbling in my pocket for a little change wherewith to dismiss him,--for that is usually the easiest way of getting off your premises and your conscience the applicant for ”aid,” who is probably an impostor, yet possibly not,--when my eye caught the words (for I still held the doc.u.ment), ”would be glad of any employment which may help to pay his way.” The idea of finding employment for a man of such a large nose and little body, such extensive knowledge and diminutive legs--who had mastered five languages yet could not speak or understand a word of any one of them,--struck me as rather pleasant, to say the least; yet, after a moment's reflection,--wasn't he the very thing I wanted, the manikin, the target for my uncle?

Meanwhile he was scribbling rapidly on a small slate he had taken from his pocket. With another bow (as if he had written something wrong and was going to wipe it out with his nose), he handed me the slate, on which I found written in a neat hand half-a-dozen lines in as many different languages,--English, Latin, Hebrew, German, French, Greek,--each, as far as I could make out, conveying the cheerful information that he could communicate with me in that particular tongue.

I tried him in English, French, and Latin, and I must acknowledge that he stood the test; he then tried me In Greek and Hebrew, and I as freely confess that I didn't stand the test. He smiled intelligently, nodded, and condescendingly returned to the English tongue, writing quickly,--”I am a poor exile from Fatherland, and I much need friends.”

I wrote: ”You wish employment?” He replied: ”I shall be much obliged for any service I shall be capable to do,”--and pa.s.sed me the slate with a hopeful smile.

”What can you do?” I asked. He answered: ”I copy the ma.n.u.scripts, I translate from the one language to others with some perfect exact.i.tude, I arrange the libraries, I make the catalogues, I am capable to be any secretary.” And he looked up as if he saw in my eyes a vast vista of catalogues, ma.n.u.scripts, libraries, and Fatherland at the end of it.

”How would you like to be companion to a literary man?” I inquired.

He nodded expressively, and wrote: ”I should that like overall. But I speak and hear not.”

”No matter,” I replied. ”You will only have to sit and appear to listen, and nod occasionally.”

”You shall be the gentleman?” he asked with a bright, pleased look.

I explained to him that the gentleman was an unfortunate connection of my family, whom we could not regard as being quite in his right mind.

Jacob Menzel smiled, and touched his fore head interrogatively.

I nodded, adding on the slate,--”He is perfectly harmless; but he can only be kept quiet by having some person to talk and read to. He will talk and read to you. He must not know you are deaf. He is very deaf himself, and will not expect you to reply.” And, for a person wis.h.i.+ng a light and easy employment, I recommended the situation.

He wrote at once, ”How much you pay?”

”One dollar a day, and board you,” I replied.

He of the nose nodded eagerly at that, and wrote, ”Also you make to be washed my s.h.i.+rt?”

I agreed; and the bargain was closed. I got him into the house, and gave him a bath, a clean s.h.i.+rt, and complete instructions how to act.

The gravity with which he entered upon the situation was astonis.h.i.+ng. He didn't seem to taste the slightest flavor of a joke in it all. It was a simple matter of business; he saw in it only money and Fatherland.

Meanwhile I explained my intentions to Dolly, saying in great glee: ”His deafness is his defence: the old three-decker may bang away at him; he is IRON-CLAD!” And that suggested the name we have called him by ever since.

When he was ready for action, I took him in tow, and ran him in to draw the Popworth's fire--in other words, introduced him to my uncle in the library. The meeting of my tall, lank relative and the big-nosed little Jew was a spectacle to cure a hypochondriac! ”Mr. Jacob Menzel--gentleman from Germany--travelling in this country,” I yelled in the old fellow's ear. He of the diminutive legs and stupendous nose bowed with perfect decorum, and seated himself, stiff and erect, in the big chair I placed for him. The avuncular countenance lighted up: here were fresh woods and pastures new to that ancient shepherd. As for myself, I was wellnigh strangled by a cough which just then seized me, and obliged to retreat,--for I never was much of an actor, and the comedy of that first interview was overpowering.

As I pa.s.sed the dining-room door, Dolly, who was behind it, gave my arm a fearful pinch, that answered, I supposed, in the place of a scream, as a safety-valve for her hysterical emotions. ”O you cruel man--you miserable humbug!” says she; and went off into convulsions of laughter.

The door was open, and we could see and hear every thing.

”You are travelling, h'm?” says my uncle. The nose nodded duly. ”H'm! I have travelled, myself,” the old gentleman proceeded; ”my life has been one of vicissitudes, h'm! I have journeyed, I have preached, I have published;--perhaps you have heard of my literary venture”--and over went the big volume to the little man, who took it, turned the leaves, and nodded and smiled, according to instructions.

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