Chapter 65 Part1 (2/2)

”That's easily done. But as the Nine Spirits Sovereign G.o.ddess, your own cultivation base is very high. Why not teach him the path of cultivation yourself?”

”I'm ashamed to say it, but I haven't studied anything worth remembering. The Heavens were kind enough to let me ascend as an immortal in spite of this. When anyone in the divine realm speaks of the Dao, they all know that Most Exalted Lord Lao is the most erudite speaker. If you can lend a bit of your knowledge to this little one, then it's definitely fortune cultivated from his previous lives.”

Lord Lao was satisfied with my answer and replied, ”I'll wait for this Beast to grow into human form.” He looked again at the child, who had switched from gnawing on my finger to my waist sash and looked very much like a human. Abruptly, he raised his hand in a rough measurement of height. ”When this child is about this tall, bring him to me.”

I gave him no amount of thanks.

The Most Exalted Lord Lao was very pleased as he went back to his home.

”I don't know who was it that said that old man's prattling put people to sleep, but I didn't expect the Nine Spirits Sovereign G.o.ddess to esteem him so much. Your admiration has been hidden deep,” the Immortal of Fates smiled as he raised his tea.

”Truly, what one thinks isn't what another believes,” I stroked the head of the gnawing Fang Hua, feeling a bit troubled at heart. ”This child isn't like any child of other realms or the mortal world. I really don't know what to feed him. Originally, I wanted to give him to Lord Lao so he could  raise him for me at his place with elixir pills, but he was too sharp-witted.”

The Immortal of Fates covered his mouth with his hand, suddenly choking as he caught a fit of coughing. With hooded eyes, he replied, ”You're worry too much. This Fang Hua Beast didn't come from Heaven, so you should be fine feeding it anything. Whether or not he lives will depend on his const.i.tution.”

As it turned out, Fang Hua's const.i.tution was excellent. His grow was quick and abrupt like nothing I'd ever seen before. I raised him on the fine jade-like wines of the Heavenly Court.

One month later, he had the appearance of a three-year-old child. With a white jade bowl in his hands, he delicately drank the rainwaters and dew. Chang'e couldn't help but lament over his state, saying that I only let such a tiny child drink fine wine and rainwater, how evil. Afterwards, she commanded her celestial cricket to bring me ca.s.sia honey and two peaches of immortality from the Moon Palace with repeated warnings before he left on his cloud. I couldn't help but drool as I looked at those vivid, juicy peaches. Legends had it that these were gifts from the Queen Mother at her last banquet, but Chang'e had left them as offerings to the altar for many years without bearing to eat them. This was a huge gift. I hugged the peaches and caressed them over and over again. By the time I recovered my senses, there was nothing but two peach pits left in my palm.

”The Nine Spirits Sovereign G.o.ddess ate them all?” Fang Hua stepped on tiptoes to cling to the edge of the bed, shyly looking at me. ”Were they tasty?” I suddenly felt as if I'd committed a grave sin.

”They were fine, but not very tasty. They can't compare to Heaven's flowers.”

Fang Hua nodded his head as if enlightened. The next day, I saw him lying on a tree branch in the courtyard, earnestly plucking flowers to eat. Seeing me come over, he gracefully wiped his face and adjusted his robes before offering me a commentary.

”They smell nice, but their taste is a little astringent. So peaches of immortality can't even compare to these, it's fine that I didn't eat them.”

I had no words.

Meanwhile, Fang Hua ate flowers day after day until he grew to like the taste, thinking that flowers really were good things. A few months later, he'd eaten all the trees bare and ended up looking like a flower himself. Later generations that wrote on the Fang Hua Beast said that he liked to eat flowers, nectar, and medicinal plants. I think I was more or less to blame for his taste in flower petals.

The young Fang Hua was extremely intelligent and grew a year in the s.p.a.ce of ten days. In a flash, he'd become a young man. Everyone in the world of immortals knew how to transform clothes from clouds. Even the dragon kings of the sea used dragon scales for their robes. But Fang Hua had been born naked, and I'd never seen any Fang Hua skin around for him to use in making clothes. I thought he looked very cute that way, too. Still, he grew shy after growing into a young lord's body and learned how to cover himself, making me very disappointed. Around this time, the Most Exalted Lord Li sent a boy to ask me when Fang Hua could go study the Dao from him. Every time I'd use all sorts of obstructions to block his way.

I suddenly realized that without Fang Hua in this house, there'd be no one to grind ink for me, or play chess with me, or even talk to me. There was no one else who understood me better than him and vice versa. I wouldn't be used to a place without him. The Immortal of Fates said that this wasn't a good omen. Thinking back to that point, the Immortal of Fates had already saw some signs and was trying to drop me hints. Yet my heart was too covered in pig's lard[3] to take them seriously.

In the end, I finally had an accident.

That day, I was just returning from a feast hosted by the Queen Mother of the West on the jade lake[4] of Mt. Kunlun. The Queen Mother's seventh daughter[5] had told me of her longing for company of the opposite s.e.x, leaving my heart restless. I had drunk a lot of wine as well, so I went home and fell drunkenly on the bed. I slept until midnight until thirst woke me up. Fumbling in the dark, I somehow grasped Fang Hua's hand. A simple touch made me realize how tender and exquisite his skin was. The memory of this touch was still enough to make me think of past events. When Fang Hua was still a young child, he spoke clearly but rarely and was terrified of strangers. Because he was very attractive but docile, the other immortals couldn't resist touching him or teasing him in conversations. Yet this little fellow was so chaste that he never took advantage of the situations. Wherever I went, he'd follow along a few meters behind. Even when he slept, it was under the same covers as me after tucking me in and handing me my pillow. He liked to rest his head by my chest before closing his eyes with satisfaction, though the flavor of this changed when he grew up.

Not only was he more respectful, he didn't even warm my bed when winter came. Now that I was finally touching his warm hand, I couldn't help but feel melancholy. A warm current rose up to my head as I voiced my complaints in my drunken stupor. I only remember his gentle expression was as calm as water, and very warm. He said, ”The Sovereign G.o.ddess should do as she ought.”

I was so drunk that these words didn't even shock me. I raised my head and peered at him hazily as he smiled, the teardrop-shaped mole looking especially cute. Then I took him into my embrace.

In a moment of indiscretion, I performed dual cultivation with him.

Actually, dual cultivation wasn't such a big deal. Could you dare say that the Jade Emperor's mother never dual cultivated before? But even if you did, it was kept under wraps and undisclosed. If you and I both kept quiet, the other immortals would keep one eye open and the other closed. Yet back then I was still young and giddy when I did things. After I woke up and saw Fang Hua's face look even more agreeable than usual, I decided to give him an official status. The topic that had existed as a pool of stagnant water suddenly exploded into relevance, causing a sensation. Right at that time, the Queen Mother was suffering a headache while dealing with her seventh daughter. Though the girl looked frail, she had a stubborn mouth. When her mother forbid her to see her lover on earth, she began to talk nonsense left and right. If the Sovereign G.o.ddess can practice dual cultivation, then why can't I? Could a mortal man be any less worthy than a mythical beast? My home became the exact target of her accusations, and the Sovereign G.o.ddess was none other than myself. I was saddened, but the Queen Mother was helpless to do anything. I don't know what blasphemy was shared with the Jade Emperor, but he decreed that I'd be severely punished. In hindsight, I don't blame that seventh daughter. I was the one to test the waters in her place–indeed, they were very deep. I hoped she didn't follow in my footsteps but lived peacefully in the Heavens instead.

My leap off the Immortal Punishment Platform was quick and light.

But I didn't expect Fang Hua to chase after me as I fell towards the mortal world. This idiot, his name hadn't even been recorded into the Book of Celestials yet. How could he bear the qi from the Immortal Punishment Platform? With great alarm, I used all of my cultivation base to protect his original body, completely ruining my own immortal body. It would be a big deal for other immortals, but a G.o.ddess like me knew multiple arts to protect the soul and wasn't too concerned with losing my physical form.

To prove that it was abnormal for immortals to long for company of the opposite s.e.x, much less company from different species, the Jade Emperor told the Immortal of Fates to arrange various plays for my criminal self. These were meant to cut the ill-fated bonds between me and the Fang Hua Beast so that I could reach enlightenment and ascend back to the immortal world. The Immortal of Fates had always gotten along with me. He liked to visit my home and flip through books of plays I kept in the house. I always laughed at him because the lives he judged over rarely had any complicated love or hate plots, a critique he took to heart. Now that the Jade Emperor had commanded him to determine my fate, he was eager to display his skills. Despite that, he still took the feelings between us into consideration.

Since Fang Hua could reach adulthood much faster than a regular human could reach an eighteenth birthday, the Immortal of Fates made preparations before my reincarnation to make him fall in love with a mortal woman. Yet since the idea was to prove that love between human and Beast was wrong, this love never reached fruition. That woman not only fell in love with another man, but had a child with him. Not only did she give birth to that child, but she ended up begging Fang Hua to save her dying husband and poisoned baby still wrapped in swaddling clothes. This really was a life full of cannon fodder. Fang Hua held on for a handful of years before flames turned him back into wood, redirecting him onto the path of rebirth.

Meanwhile, my soul wandered here and there, avoiding the pregnant women on Earth as I found their swollen forms distasteful. Instead, I wandered into a dilapidated temple and possessed the body of a little beggar, churning up her insides until I fit right in. I didn't expect that as soon as I entered, a strand of the beggar girl's original soul reawakened to struggle for dominance. I was shocked and didn't know what to do.

Every time my immortal friends gathered together for discussions, I tended to nod off. Still, there was one line that always stuck with me whether or not I was sleeping, and that was: ”All the cause and effect in the world comes from kindness or evil. Taking suffering as joy will lead to enlightenment. The ultimate price of evil is bitterness.”

It was something I believed in firmly, that good met with good and evil met with evil. Things didn't go unpunished–it was only a matter of time. Within the complicated affairs of the world, things were constantly changing. The seeds one planted by accident in the past could grow bigger and bigger before they caught up to the culprit a long time later, seemingly without reason.

In the past, when I first arrived in the Heavens, I wasn't used to living such a mild life. I loved running about and playing amongst the clouds. Once, I saw two twin baby nine-tailed foxes being chased by a white tiger until they huddled together to cry. Taking pity on them, I placed them into my sleeves and brought them back to the Heavens, where I told two immortal youths to look after them in a house full of mythical beasts. Since I didn't like furb.a.l.l.s very much, I forgot about them after awhile.

One day, one of Fu Xi's daughters dropped by for a visit. Though the humans knew her as Lady Nüwa in the mortal realm, she was considered wishy-washy by the older immortals. Recently, an ignorant emperor had written a poem about her while burning incense in her temple on her birthday. She thought it was a great delight, and told the story to many of her immortal friends. She was probably worried that she'd missed me and came to see.

As expected, she said she'd read the poem to me as soon as she entered the door.

After hearing it, I nearly choked on my tea. The poem wasn't too obscene, but as one of the older G.o.ds, Nüwa had been listening to prayers for rains, winds, and peace in her temples for ages. A sudden appearance of a poem like this was sure to startle her. I could understand this, but it didn't mean she had to tell it to everyone she met.

”The raindrops on a pear blossom vie for the same delicate charms, the caged peony adorns itself with charms within the smoke[6]” was suitable praise, in my opinion. The cadence was just a little rough in the reading. This ”bring her back to Changle to wait upon the sovereign[7], if it's supposed to be a joke, went too far,” Nüwa sighed.

”Elder Sister's[8] celestial form is too honorable and respected. Don't speak of the emperor, even the Most Exalted Lord Lao wouldn't dare ask you to carry him a cup of tea,” I said, presenting some tender, aromatic tea leaves.

”Nine Spirits Sovereign G.o.ddess has spoken with reason. This vulgar man from the mortal realm seems like he wants to die.” Nüwa was a little angry when she thought of his philandering, frivolous habits.

From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of my nine-tailed fox wearing a similar expression of resentment and shame. Surprised, I went over to hold her.

”This fox you've raised seemed quite clever,” Nüwa said, affectionately feeling her fine fur. After being touched with immortal qi, the nine-tailed fox suddenly roused itself and took on human form into a particularly seductive woman.

”I am willing to descend into human realm and teach the emperor a lesson for the esteemed G.o.ddess,” she said sincerely.

—

Later on, I realized the resentment glare from the nine-tailed fox came from the fact that she was looking at Nüwa, who was a human with a snake's body. Just by looking at her snake tail, where was the beauty like raindrops on pear blossoms? The caged peony adorned with charms in the smoke? Whoever wrote the poem really had no taste.

The shame in her face came from understanding the deeper meaning behind the lines, 'wait upon the sovereign.'

As a result, she left for only a few months before the name of Daji spread far and wide to wreck havoc upon the earth. This wasn't what Nüwa wanted, especially when she became cursed as someone who instigate an evil scourge upon the populace. The source of her evil scourge came from no less than my own household. Thereafter, a host of immortals came to see all the animals I raised, most of whom sat and stroked the fur of my other nine-tailed fox.

This fox's name was the Star Heart Fox.

When she grew old enough to understand things, she heard everyone disparaging her twin sister for her deeds. Her eyes would hold both confusion and disappointment. I schemed to admonish her, you have to work hard, don't learn from your sister who hoodwinked the emperor. You ought to earn some pride for our house and your species of nine-tailed foxes. She seemed to have both understood and not understood. No matter whether she did, these aspirations were smothered to death in the cradle.

When Zhao of Omens had just cultivated to a young immortal, his young immortal servant boy paid a visit to me and gifted me an intelligent cat. Star Heart Fox could never compare to her sister. She was timid and meek from the moment she was born. After meeting the tiger in her youth, her heart was always covered in fear. Then her older sister descended into the human realm and left her behind. She grew even more melancholy and anxious, even fearing the sight of cats. In her view, cats were just like tigers, only a little smaller.

And now Zhao of Omens had gifted me a cat.

After suffering panic attacks from day to night, Star Heart Fox finally ran away. I don't know how many years pa.s.sed before I heard someone mention that a female named Wu had ascended the throne as emperor and gave herself the new name of Zhao. This time, I vehemently denied any involvement with the mess.

A single chat with Nüwa gave birth to a Daji in the human world. Though it was just a casual conversation, news of it reached people's ears. From Daji to Wuzhao, the female emperor, was a tangled knot that no one could untie. The me who had allowed Nüwa to send the nine-tailed fox to the human realm had been punished in full by the Fang Hua wood that stuck to her skirt and was brought to the Heavens. Even though everything that happened was unintentional, it was still a form of karmic retribution.

The me that had descended to this human realm to seize the beggar girl's body knew the worth of doing good deeds when I could. Seeing her little soul struggle in her body, I dared not touch it, but went to explore her memories until a Fang Hua with a red teardrop mole appeared, along with images of her trifling mother and sick father.

In a flash, I'd understood everything and cursed the Immortal of Fates in my heart. I was terrified of karmic retribution like a turtledove that didn't dare to claim a magpie's nest. I feared that the little beggar wouldn't be able to handle my divine qi and decided to seal myself away. Unfortunately, she didn't last very long before a fever took her life away. When I opened my eyes in her place, I thought I'd always been a human. I only knew how to stuff mantou in my mouth in the face of bullies, an ordinary child who didn't understand anything beyond curling her mouth and trying not to cry. The bruised and beaten me finally met my savior in the form of a white-robed Fang Hua who'd also been reborn anew.

Fang Hua held out his hand to mine. Every time I remembered this moment, I'd always feel a bit of pride. The reborn Fang Hua once again came to search for the orphaned child of his love, perhaps because he still harbored memories of his past life. With the hurt from his last life lingering, there was very little chance for him to fall in love with that woman's child. The Immortal of Fates had been very meticulous in determining this life. It was too bad that he couldn't predict that I'd not only sealed away my immortal qi and abilities, but my memories of my past life as well. I completely forgot that I'd fallen to the mortal world because of my crimes. Instead, I fell wholly in love with Fang Hua all over again. It was just like a story in one of those books, an intense love that couldn't be taken back.

But since the Sovereign G.o.ddess was here to pa.s.s a trial of sentiment, all sorts of tragedies befell us. I won't talk about all the misery in between, but after separating and reuniting from misunderstandings, I met Fang Hua again when he was just a piece of dead wood in the dirt. Overcome with sorrow, I knelt before his grave and used a knife to slice my scars, feeding him blood for a long time until he a.s.sumed human form. In this life, I used to call him master, but he called me mother when he was reborn.

After going through all that, I finally reached a true understanding of the Fang Hua Beast. They were doomed to burn and die in a sea of flames if touched by sentiment, confined to the cycle of reincarnation. But I was just an ordinary human by then, with no memories of my life in Heaven. With my beloved by my side, I lived my remaining years very happily in the jianghu. Still, what was the worth of such happiness?

Human lives only lasted around sixty years, and he couldn't be wounded by sentiment. He underwent rebirth two or three more times. I took great pains each time to revive him again and again, but even if I could hold him in the palm of my hand, the red mole by the corner of his eye would turn darker day by day. He was a creature who couldn't experience emotions without being hurt. Even if I was made of iron, I couldn't bear this forever.

The very last time, I held him in my arms in the Yuanjia Cave[9] as he grasped my hand with a very content smile. I kept thinking back then that I'd seen just such a smile a very long time ago. He said, don't save me anymore. We've already spent over half our lives together as an old couple. It's enough that I can be by your side.

I cried and told him that I refused.

He stroked me with a deep sigh, the mole by his eye pitch-black. He barely had enough breath to speak, yet he cracked a joke anyways. Silly, he said, I called you my mother this time. The next time you save me, I might call you grandmother instead.

My heart at that time could only tremble in pain, but I pretended to be angry. ”You're actually bothered that I'll be older?”

”I've been a burden on you these few dozen years. Your body's already weak to the breaking point, so how can you have enough blood left to feed me? Supposing that I was reborn, I'd only see you die and leave me. If that's the case, I'd rather sleep forever. It's about time our story reached an end. I've lived very well with you these past years.”

He said, ”I'm content. After I die this time, carve my wood into a hairpin and wear it in your hair.”

Fang Hua looked at me with a faint smile as he stroked my head. I wanted to stay with him forever, even in death. His body grew colder and colder in my arms, and I watched with my own eyes as he burst into flames and changed back into pitch-black wood. My heart had dried up to the point that I could cry no more tears.

At that time, peach blossom petals covered the skies outside the Yuanjia Cave, but Fang Hua wasn't here. In the west, the sunlight shone for miles, giving me a sudden sense of panicked unease. Beneath the experience of countless tragedies, my original soul finally burst free from its seal, releasing my memories and everything else.

Fortunately, remnants of my cultivation base still remained from my leap from the Immortal Punishment Platform. I used that power to go against Fang Hua's premature death, breaking his ties to such a mournful fate. The next life–in the next life he wouldn't be reborn as a Fang Hua Beast. I hoped that he could be reincarnated in a womb and be born as a human, even if it was to the foreign lands in the south, and do whatever he wanted. As long as he wasn't some human-beast anymore.

”If we happen to meet again, keep this Fang Hua wood hairpin. I'll definitely recognize you if you find me with it.”

Only, was there another chance?

Perhaps there was none…

I used the rest of my cultivation base to fight against his fate with all my life. When the Immortal of Fates finally arrived on the scene with a host of other deities, my body had already been reduced to smoke. Even so, I managed to give them a carefree smile. The Immortal of Fates had wasted his time flipping through all those books of plays. He might have set up the beginning, but he couldn't control the end.

As the former Sovereign G.o.ddess, I felt both satisfied and refreshed.

-o-

[1] nie wood (涅梁) – nie liang, literally ”alunite roof beam”, but most likely a special type of wood here.

[2] seas to mulberry fields and back again (沧海桑田) – canghai sangtian, idiom meaning time bringing great changes to the world.

[3] heart was too covered in pig's lard (猪油蒙了心) – zhuyou meng le xin, meaning someone who isn't very bright, who couldn't get a clue, etc. Thickheaded like pig's lard.

[4] jade lake (of Mt. Kunlun) (瑶池) – yaochi, a mythical lake by the fabled Mt. Kunlun where the G.o.ddess Queen Mother of the West was said to reside.

[5] Queen Mother's seventh daughter (王母的七女儿) w.a.n.gmu de qinüer, this is the same daughter that features in the folk tale of The Cowherd & the Weaver Girl.

[6] The raindrops on a pear blossom vie for the same delicate charms, the caged peony adorns itself with charms within the smoke (梨花带雨争娇艳，芍药笼烟骋媚妆) – lihua daiyu zheng jiaoyan, shaoyao longyan cheng meizhuang, lines from a poem that Emperor Zhou allegedly wrote to praise the G.o.ddess Nüwa's after accidentally seeing her statue's face in her temple while paying his respects, as detailed in the Chinese cla.s.sic novel Invest.i.ture of the G.o.ds.

[7] Bring her back to Changle to wait upon the sovereign (收回长乐侍君王) – shouhui changle s.h.i.+ junw.a.n.g, last line of King Zhou's poem. Changle most likely referred to the name of his court.

[8] Elder Sister (姐姐) – jiejie, in this case, the speaker is not related to Nüwa, but referring to her as an elder sister out of respect.

[9] Yuanjia Cave (缘价洞) – yuanjia dong, literally the ”Price of Predestiny” Cave.