Chapter 62 (2/2)

She heaved a sigh by his side. Perhaps the noise was too harsh, because her frightened child immediately stopped crying. The little face turned sullen as the child grabbed at the woman’s jacket, but there was no energy to form it into a fist. Slowly, the sounds of the child grew weaker…

“What’s wrong with her?” Fang Hua’s vision gradually landed on the small baby.

“The little one’s been constantly crying, but I don’t know why,” said the woman, busying comforting her child. Fang Hua took the child from her arms and spoke lightly.

“This fellow’s to be pitied as well. I suspect your husband pa.s.sed on the poison in his body to her as well. I’ll save the child but nothing else. You can find another person for that.” Turning around, Fang Hua stiffly carried the tired girl away, not even a bit reluctant. The woman stared blankly after his retreating form.

In the pond…the lotus flower lantern had already floated far away.

Beneath the shade of a tree, Fang Hua sat with his eyebrows still knitted. He looked reluctantly at the child in his arms before he slowly smiled–an unsightly expression that looked worse than someone crying. I could understand that kind of inner sorrow.

He said, I’m only saving this child…because she’s yours.

—

Inside the house.

“You’re not a bit like your father or mother…” Fang Hua lay on the bed, poking the little fellow’s cheek with his finger. The child spread her limbs, wide eyes staring at him as she babbled nonsense, before finding his finger and sucking on it.

“Drink it slowly. Are you taking this for milk? My blood is very precious.”

The little child seemed to have understood as she closed her eyes. Under the hazy lamplight, Fang Hua rested his head in his hands, a warm expression on his face. He stared at the little fellow as if recalling something before his expression fell into shadow. The dark red mole at the corner of his eye was startling in its hue.

Thick fog rolled across the scene, boundless and white. When it dissipated, everything cleared up a bit better. Another scene of the house appeared. The inside was the same as before, but the little child had grown up. She wore a cap on her head and a long jacket that dragged almost to the ground. Her feet were bare as she staggered around the house.

The door opened.

Fang Hua came in with a jug of wine, looking sick as heart as he raised his head to down the alcohol. A sleeve rose to wipe his face before he looked at the toddler flitting about. He smiled as if laughing at himself, seemingly desolate. After walking a few steps, he bent down and grabbed the girl by her clothes. The child stared fixedly at him, cramping her brows as if angry. He wrapped around her in an embrace and patted her softly.

“Your father finally died…do you know?”

The little child seemed uninterested in his words. She used a chubby finger to wind his black hair around and around her hand before shutting it in her fist with a closed-eye smile.

“Should I return you to her…?” Fang Hua bent over, poking her cheek softly as he spoke to himself. “I won’t live for much longer, so if I keep you…”

The child stared at Fang Hua’s sleeve before grabbing it to nibble.

“Eh?” Fang Hua crouched down, prying her off. “You’re teething.” Seeing that she couldn’t gnaw on the sleeve, the child crinkled her brows before setting to work on his finger. When Fang Hua withdrew it with a yelp, it was already covered in saliva.

“Speaking of that,” Fang Hua looked around, wiping his hand on his robes. “If I keep you, she’ll find me sooner or later. Every time, it’s alway me waiting for her. I want her to wait for me once. Don’t you think that’s right…?” He laughed, and the child laughed with him. Who knew what amused them both, but it probably wasn’t the same thing.

“What’s it like, being loved…?” Fang Hua’s smile faded. His eyes grew dark as he took out the waist sash from her gnawing mouth and gave a sigh. He slowly straightened and poured himself a cup of tea, taking a book along the way to read. Though his eyes were on the words, his heart wasn’t in it.

Some time later, Fang Hua’s eyes drooped as he dropped into a doze. Just then, a bright sound rang out. When he turned to look, he couldn’t help but laugh. The little child had been drenched through with something, her hand holding on with a death grip to a piece of tablecloth as she stood bow-legged on the ground. A giant wooden basin was overturned on the ground, soaking a large portion of the floor. She stared dumbly at Fang Hua with a terrified expression, as if trying not to cry. The skin that was once as clear as white tofu wavered between turning red and turning black, looking extremely livid.

Only then did Fang Hua calm down and walk over. He glanced at the overturned tub, gave her a sniff, and hurriedly put her under his arm before running outside to toss her into the pond. He had no time to undress but strode in right afterwards, rolling up his sleeves to wash her off.

“Look at you. Of all the things to play with, you chose my half-finished pill formula. Now see, you’re all dirty…how am I supposed to get all this black stuff off your body?”

Neither scrubbing nor was.h.i.+ng worked. Her whole body was completely dark, dying the pretty girl into a shade of charcoal. Fang Hua gave a long exhale and said, “I doubt that even your own mother could recognize you now.” Then he fell into thought. Perhaps it’d be better if she didn’t.

It seemed like the Heavens were helping him. This little fellow had recognized him as family in the end. If someone really took her away, it’d be more painful than cutting off his own flesh. Within the pond, one big person and one little person stared at each other. Suddenly the smaller figure trembled and turned around to dog paddle away.

“What’s that, what’re you doing?” Fang Hua stared after her trailing s.h.i.+rt collar. She was still treading water, swimming earnestly. When he finally picked up her dripping form from the pond, there was an extra red lotus in her hand.

“Is this for me?” Fang Hua said happily, drawing her over and grasping her hand. As soon as he went to grab the flower, the little child withdrew her hand. When he tried again, she felt even more wronged and withdrew it again.

“So…it’s not for me after all,” Fang Hua had a rare moment of disappointment on his face. Suddenly, the little child felt herself being lowered back down again. Inches away from the water, a chubby hand stuck out the red lotus in offering again.

“I was just saying,” Fang Hua smiled. “You must have gotten this red lotus for me.” He let go as she fell in with a splash, stirring up all the other flowers in the pool.

—

The streets were noisy and bustling, filled with people. Fang Hua led the little child along as he wandered aimlessly through the town. She gave intense stares to the hawkers peddling their various colorful wares. Fang Hua looked at her quietly before digging into his robes with his hands. He only found a few copper coins and ended up leading her away.

Inside the house, Fang Hua sat in the courtyard, paring away at some wood as he sat deep in thought. Eventually, he began to carve…

The little child squatted on the ground, holding a newly-made diabolo and rattle drum as she played with them in delight. Fang Hua lifted his head and watched her have fun, unaware of the growing smile on his face. Time slowly pa.s.sed for them both.

—

One snowy day, a coughing Fang Hua took unsteady steps as he led along a small, well-dressed girl. The wind was fierce as it blew across their footsteps, one big, one small. He was wearing a white fox-fur overcoat that hid most of his face except the pitch-black mole by his eye. His eyes were laden with grief as he reluctantly touched the little child chewing on her candy.

With a soft smile, he handed over the child to an old beggar in a dilapidated temple. Then he reached into his sleeves and took out all the silver he had, placing them in the old beggar’s hands. When all was done, he remembered one more thing and draped the fox fur overcoat over the little child’s head, coc.o.o.ning her in warmth. He knelt down and held her in his embrace, wanting to say something amidst his uncontrollable coughs.

Wait for me, I’ll come back for you.

Then he slowly turned around and disappeared into the snow.

—

Dark clouds covered the skies as a thinly-dressed Fang Hua staggered before the yellow earth grave mound. He collapsed onto the ground, swallowed up in a sea of flames until he transformed into a branch of dead wood. The moment that raging fire consumed his being, I finally understood his sorrow. He wasn’t resigned to such an end…for the sake of a person he couldn’t love, he filled up that lonely house with many beautiful scenes. He was always waiting and hoping while giving up pieces of his own life.

Finally, he gave that person’s child away to another person, hiding her in a place only he would know. On the day before he died, he put stakes in a gamble he was guaranteed to win, a stake that would prove that he had once lived this life. If that person loved him, she’d come back to to grieve for him, perhaps giving him a chance to reclaim his soul.

If that person didn’t love him, then…for the sake of her only child, she’d use her own blood to revive him. Only then could the reborn Fang Hua remember the memories of his past life and recall where he’d left her daughter. It was a gamble where he could already see the ending, where he didn’t have to wait silently or bide his time…

And yet, why was he so sorrowful?

Perhaps because this love was forced.

-o-

[1] doughty as a dragon and lively as a tiger (生龙活虎) – shenglong huohu, to be br.i.m.m.i.n.g/bursting with energy, to be full of vigour. Healthy.