Chapter 60 (2/2)

“Fang Hua, I miss you so much. How could you stand to just go and leave me alone?” My eyes grew hot as a sharp pain rushed to my chest. I couldn’t breathe…

So this was my punishment.

The cuts on my wrists broke open again as tears poured from my eyes. I reached out a blood-soaked finger to touch the Fang Hua wood again and again. My other hand clutched the front of my robes.

Master, you told me to wander the jianghu. Don’t you know? One person’s jianghu isn’t a jianghu at all.

Last night I’d dreamed about our lives at the house again. Those days…were my happiest. I won’t forget them for the rest of my life. Weary, I leaned against the grave mound and closed my eyes for an unknown length of time.

“Shao’er…”

Who was calling me? I turned around, not understanding.

A dark form suddenly appeared before me. I fell back onto the ground, a bit dizzy as I rubbed my forehead. My knees knelt on the yellow earth before I propped up my body with difficulty, finally regaining my breath. There was a tall figure standing there, blocking out the sun. He looked at me blankly for a long time before speaking.

“Why have you become like this?”

I closed my eyes. He knelt down to gently grasp my hand. Looking at Nongyu’s face, I only saw how miserable and desolate he appeared. He shakily brushed against the cuts on my wrist. “Head Eunuch Li sent a messenger pigeon telling me to hurry here. I guessed that you might’ve had trouble, but I didn’t know things were so serious. I’ve heard of Lord Hua’s situation already. What are you doing? You already know…he can’t come back from the dead anymore.”

I stared at him in a trance.

Nongyu held my face in his hands, his eyes filled with pain. A finger brushed across my dry lips as he spoke softly. “How could Little Li allow your foolishness? You have to rest well and take good care of your health. I…I won’t allow you to do such rash things.”

“I want to save him.”

“You’d be hard-pressed to keep your own life at this rate.”

I opened my eyes wide, my vision as blurry as a fog. “No, I’m going to save him. Han Zichuan said Fang Hua loved me.” My chest suddenly felt swollen with grief. “Even if I have to use every drop of blood in my body, I’ll bring him back to life.”

Nongyu placed a hand on my shoulders as he sighed. “The Fang Hua wood’s already pa.s.sed its best time for rebirth. It’s impossible.”

“You don’t understand,” I grew still for a while, before speaking quietly. “I know Fang Hua…” I slowly smiled as I looked into his eyes, speaking earnestly. Despite this, tears kept falling down my face.

“He needs me to keep him company. That’s what he always wished for before he died, but I turned around and left him. He must have thought I didn’t want him anymore and avoided him on purpose…now he’s angry at me so I have to be with him everyday, keeping him company and indulging his whims until he’s over his temper. Then he’ll come out.”

Nongyu was visibly moved by my words. He drew me into an embrace and said nothing more beyond holding me tight. I closed my eyes as I lay tiredly in his arms, tears moistening his clothes. I wanted Fang Hua to know how much I loved him…

Crying had tired me out and now I felt extremely dizzy. I felt someone picking me up but was too exhausted to resist. My salty tears mixed with the wounds on my wrist…it hurt…and the blood carried the tears away as it flowed from my cuts…

My head felt very faint, very tired…

A drop of blood mixed with tears fell to land on the Fang Hua wood, surrounded by countless other drops of blood…slowly, the yellow earth swallowed it all up. Nongyu gently rose with me in his arms. As he prepared to turn around, I heard the sound of flowers bursting into bloom and smiled a foolish smile. I struggled free from his grasp to fall on the ground, clumsily reaching for the Fang Hua wood as I crawled back step by step.

“Don’t be like this…” Nongyu grabbed me from behind, tightening his embrace as he looked anxiously towards the glowing Fang Hua wood. The black on that dead branch was slowly condensing into a miasma around the body, before a gust of wind scattered the dark fog. In its place was a fiery red Fang Hua wood that shone with the disposition of jade. Around it, all the flowering plants began to sprout buds of their own, on the verge of bursting into bloom…

I couldn’t hold back a sob.

Fang Hua, is that you?

An illusory image of an immortal-like figure appeared by the side of the tomb, looking off into the distance. There was a disconsolate melancholy on his quiet face. My heart twitched before starting to pound. I don’t know where I got the strength from, but I pushed Nongyu’s hands aside a broke into a staggering run towards Fang Hua. Reaching out a hand, I touched nothing but cold air. His appearance turned hazy with his floating white robes as I ran straight through his body to fall to the ground.

A mirage…he was nothing but a shadow.

That figure had his back to me as he stood before Nongyu, speaking in a soft voice. “I don’t know if anyone will see this…but I have a smart and adorable disciple who took in six young princes. If you ever see her, I have to trouble you to give her this message on my behalf. I’m living a leisurely and carefree life on my own, so please don’t miss me.”

Grief filled my heart. Nongyu stared blankly through the shoulders of the figure to look at me. Fang Hua’s form faded in and out and his voice was very quiet, as if speaking to himself. Nongyu seemed frightened by the entire thing and slowly lifted a finger to point at me. Fang Hua suddenly turned around, looking at me from a distance with a small smile.

My heart was pounding nonstop. I raised a hand to clutch my chest as I saw on his face the expression I dearly missed. Though we were separated by ten thousand torrents and a thousand crags of gloom, his eyebrows wrinkled only slightly, and his eyes were filled with warmth. More pain tore at my heart. How was I to describe such a smile…?

Even if I took shallow breaths, it felt as if my insides were being ripped apart.

Like the spring breeze…or moonlight, there was a sense of heartbroken grief. It was bright and gentle, yet mixed with something that made me sick at heart. It was arrogant to say I was familiar with this sensation, but the grief was something that had yet to fade.

“Master.”

He didn’t speak for a long time, as if he was really studying me, feeling all that I felt. His lips curved into a hint of a smile as he stared in rapt attention, almost as if he wanted to use all his strength to see me completely… When the sun showed itself again, its rays shone through his clothes. His image gradually grew faint and blurry.

“Master, don’t go…don’t throw Shao’er away.”

He used his last moments to smile at me, warm and elegant. But I could see his lips move. Though I couldn’t hear him, I could clearly feel the words he spoke, brief as they were:

In an instance of spring, the trees bloomed with youth.[2]

-o-

[1] spoon/shao zi (勺子) – the ‘shao’ in spoon is the same character as the ‘shao’ in Shao’er.

[2] for an instance of spring, the trees bloomed with youth (愿得韶华刹那，开得满树芳华) – yuande shaohua shana, kaide manshu fanghua, certain words in this sentence resemble the names of certain characters.