Chapter 57 (2/2)

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“Esteemed Empress.” a steady, strong voice spoke, before someone gently pressed down on the hand holding the curtains open. My thoughts were dragged back, and I raised my eyes to see Head Eunuch Li’s half-smiling expression. “This is your happy day. After today, you’ll be the mistress of these six courtyards, so you mustn’t show such a face.”

His reminder was sound. I squinted at him before managing a smile.

After today, you won’t be able to find the emperor, either.

“Please lead the way.”

Various court ladies helped me out of the imperial carriage as I rested a hand on Head Eunuch Li’s offered sleeve. He walked in an extremely reverent and respectful manner with his head bowed. Seeing his sedate expression put my face into a trance.

Little Li, when I was taken from the Long Spring Courtyard, you must have expended quite an effort to find me.

From serving Fang Hua in the same courtyard, to serving me afterwards, and then becoming the head of all the eunuchs to serve the emperor himself, he’d risen quite a few levels. I lightly pressed on his sleeve, my fingers tightening their grip. He looked at me in astonishment before lowering his head again, not quite understanding.

Of course…

I wouldn’t bring things out in the open. I still had plenty of time to ask Han Zichuan himself. The person standing firmly atop the great hall would probably give me all the answers I need.

“You Highness, take deep breaths. Don’t be nervous,” Head Eunuch Li said softly as he drew closer.

Nervous? My body was shaking from agitation. I gave a small smile and restrained my fluctuating heart.

“You’ll arrive after turning left. Since it’s your wedding day, eunuchs like us are not allowed to help you. Please take care, Your Highness,” Little Li bent forwards as he spoke, before backing up a few steps. Then he stood at a distance not too far away to watch me. I couldn’t tell what kind of expression he was wearing, but it made me think.

With my bearing upright, I gently raised my head, straightened my back, and kept walking. Around the bend was light and then…the sound of music. There was a red carpet embroidered with golden phoenixes, and everything was quiet beyond the musical instruments. After an inner attendant came to follow me, I bent my head slightly to lift up my robes and took the first steps onto the stone stairs. There was the sound of constrained breathing all around me, and the entire scene was solemn and dignified.

The figure atop the stone steps gradually came into focus. Han Zichuan slowly turned around to look at me, his body perfectly straight…the smile on his face was one I was intimately familiar with, filled with the imposing manner of a monarch and the subtle variations of his mood. And yet his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

Thinking back to everything he’d done for me on the dragon bed, and everything he hid from me behind those bed-curtains, beneath those panting breaths, I felt beside myself with rage. Raising my head high, I fixed my stare on him. The set of his lips and the indifference in his eyes were enough to make the palms of my hands hurt.

Han Zichuan, so what if you’re the reigning emperor? You still can’t cover Heaven with just your hands. I, Shao Hua, will definitely make you pay back everything you’ve taken.

He gave me a vigilant look, but I’d long erased traces of killing intent from my face. His gaze then slipped casually from my face as he joined hands with me to complete the ancient greetings pa.s.sed down from the imperial house. That tall form enveloped me completely. When I raised my head to look at him, I could still see his resolute, handsome face through the strings of pearls dangling from my phoenix coronet. His face was expressionless and held no joy whatsoever; in fact, he even seemed impatient.

This was the person that Fang Hua couldn’t forget even if he died. The same one he wished to send his body to.

This was the person who could save Fang Hua…my most precious person in the world.

I forced myself to resist the constant urge to choke him. There were so many high level experts in the palace that I couldn’t be sure of escaping with him from here. As long as I could hold out until nighttime… I restrained much of my killing intent and took a deep breath, willing my eyebrows to settle into a placid expression. Maybe my nerves were too wound up, but no one ever told me this c.r.a.ppy ceremony had to last the entire day. I had to go from one place to the next, and once I got there I had to bow and kowtow and bow again. I wasn’t even thinking about these things because my travels in the previous days had given me no time to rest. Now I was thoroughly overcome with weariness, enough to feel drowsy.

These stupid rites turned out to last from early morning to dusk. Afterwards we went to the main hall and received the obeisance of all the civil and military officials. Someone supported me as I walked. Originally I was meant to sit by the emperor’s side, but I was too tired to care and settled into the nearest chair to rest. As soon as my body relaxed, my feet turned into jelly and I lurched to one side, falling to the ground. My b.u.t.t hit against the carved golden chair with a painful smash.

The emperor gave me an astonished glance, eyes unusually intent. The corners of his lips seemed to be resisting the urge to laugh. Only then did I decide to sit up straighter, expression incredibly stiff. I squinted below me, where an official in charge of the rites was reading loudly from a book…it sounded a bit like cla.s.sical Chinese but I had no idea what he was saying beyond the buzzing noise of ten thousand mosquitos by my ear. Listening to him made me impatient.

After he finished reading, there was an uproarious cry of, “May the emperor live 10,000 of 10,000s of 10,000s of years, may the empress live 10,000 of 10,000s, of 10,000 years.”

Someone came to help me up again, so I slowly swayed my way out. It was only after I raised my head that I realized the light was getting dim. The skies above the high walls were a misty, agitated gray. I couldn’t help but feel pressured and uneasy.

The imperial carriage was waiting outside, flanked by rows of kneeling servants. Their gray-blue robes weren’t the type to attract much attention and their bowed heads only painted a picture of pious devotion. A cl.u.s.ter of people surrounded the emperor as he walked over. I was supported by a group of court ladies, but stopped part way to see where my own carriage had gone off to. In response, the imperial carriage stopped right before me, his seated form blocking out the rest of the setting sun. A shadow fell over me as I saw a mix of gleaming colors, a red rope tying a piece of uncut jade at his waist, and a robe embroidered with gold dragons dazzling my eyes while he held out his hand.

I stood dumbly for awhile before unconsciously raising my hand to take his…so we could ride together. The carriage was lifted back up, but the ride this time was much more comfortable, only jolting us slightly. Though the inside was s.p.a.cious enough for one person, we were almost touching shoulder-to-shoulder with two.

—

The distant palace walls flashed past as we sat in silence. He held my hand tightly, eyes looking forward as he stroked me gently with his fingers. I knitted my brows and turned away, feeling disgusted but unable to express myself. The flurried tightness in my chest changed to a deep sorrow.

Even after living together for so many years, I’d been unable to see through him.

After we alighted from the carriage, a mama supported me into the main hall and helped me change clothes with no expression. The emperor didn’t follow, as was custom. These were things people had told me again and again while I was preparing to a.s.sume the role of highest ranking imperial concubine. From this hall to that hall you had to change to so-and-so clothes, walk so-and-so many steps, kowtow a certain way, and then change into another set of robes…I never imagined that conferring a t.i.tle on an empress would be even more complicated. I’d been cleansing my body from morning ‘til now until I was completely numb…forget about hiding poisons in my clothing, with all the wardrobe changes I had hiding anything would be impossible.

Seeing the court ladies shake out the robes they taken off me, stare at the ground, then carefully fold then again, I couldn’t help a soft smile. As soon as I predicted that they’d check for everything, I’d left behind my a.s.sortment of tiny pill bottles. With my current level of martial prowess, there was no need to use those things, anyways.

The court ladies knelt on the ground around me in a circle, taking off my jewelry with deft movements while I remained silent. With drooping eyes, I quietly wore the clothes they offered–this time robes as white as snow made of some fluttering fabric that was surprisingly warm against the skin. I couldn’t help but relax my brows to heave a comfortable sigh. Soft notes of music drifted in from outside, along with the sound of someone singing–a little annoying.

The doors were pushed open.

A group of people entered to leave food and (of course) wine around the room. I looked away and walked towards the bed, before giving them an icy glance and straightening my clothes to sit properly on the bed.

Today was my wedding day.

Yet it was to the reigning emperor Han Zichuan. If my groom was yifu, then how would I feel instead…

I don’t think I’d be so indifferent.

Who knew how Fang Hua was doing now, back at home? If he knows that I’ve left…would he worry about me?

The lighting in the room was very warm. There were human-shaped figures moving outside the paper-covered windows, and the bowing, sc.r.a.ping servants made sure to keep their footsteps extremely light as they walked unhurriedly with bodies bent. My vision wavered for a bit before resting blankly on my knee, my hand tightly gripping the fabric until my fingers hurt. Fang Hua, you have to hold on. I’ll definitely risk my life to bring Han Zichuan back to you…

The door gave an oppressive creak.

“You’re all dismissed,” a cool and bright voice spoke.

I saw a robe appear before my eyes with the hues of the crescent moon. The fabric appeared extremely soft. He bent over to sit by my side, while I pretended to be coy and s.h.i.+fted away.

“I’ve known you for so long, but I didn’t realize you had this kind of expression,” Han Zichuan scooted over, his scent cool and refres.h.i.+ng. He didn’t smell like wine, but his words sounded almost drunk with the way he was taking liberties.

I froze.

He placed a hand on my knee to grasp my own, before slowly tightening his grip. I grew motionless, looking up to meet his eyes and joyful smile. The door behind him slowly closed…and a strange feeling rose up to my heart.

“Your Majesty, I…” He used a hand to stop my lips, slender fingers emanating the scent of the chilly air outside. It was an unfamiliar smell.

“You don’t have to say too much. I’ve tired you out today,” Han Zichuan’s face was filled with apology as he raised a hand to my head to remove the heavy phoenix coronet. Immediately, my dark hair poured down to pool around my shoulders. The gaze in his eye grew dim as he used one hand to brace himself against the bed while drawing closer. “Zhen has been waiting for this day for a long time.”

I felt a sense of fear. His sudden advances made it difficult for me to dodge him. The words he’d spoken were steady yet filled with some sort of deep meaning as he hands settled to rub at my temples. His eyes roved from my lips to my nose, my forehead, my eyes…as if he was stuck to my face. “Comfortable?”

What… Did it matter if it was comfy or not, why did he sound so erotic when he spoke?

He finally stopped his hands when he moved again, this time to examine me carefully with a lowered head. His voice was tender as he spoke. “Zhen[4] asked you if rubbing your head was comfortable for you. Where did aifei’s[5] thoughts wander off to?”

“Your Majesty is treating qieshen[6] very well,” I said vaguely, my face expressionless as I affected being bashful again.

His smile was warm as he turned around to pour some wine. The hazy yellow lamplight shone on his form and made the scene especially tender in the sweet, soft atmosphere. Still, the sight offended me. Han Zichuan, how should I disparage you? You’re actually treating a general’s daughter this way…why can’t you just treat me or Fang Hua with the same warmth? Even if it’s just a tiny bit kinder…

…it looks like our years of living together still couldn’t compare with this general’s daughter.

I gave him a searching look as I loosened the hand gripping a handkerchief. His body was lithe and slender, his every moment like that of a monarch. I steeled myself before slowly getting off the bed, rolling up my sleeves as I circulated my qi and prepared for a surprise attack….

“Come, drink a cup with Zhen,” he said, suddenly turning around. I quickly withdrew my hand, feeling a bit irritated. He raised an eyebrow and half-smiled as he looked at me. “Why did the empress leave the bed? If you’re tired, you should sit for awhile longer.” A jade cup was handed my way, but I kept my distance and refused to take it. He didn’t seem to mind, but gave a good-natured laugh before leaning over to whisper in my ear.

“We’re already husband and wife, yet Shao’er, you’re still so reserved.” He looked at me quietly as he smiled, the pupils of his eyes indescribably deep.

I was astonished. This person…since when had he discovered I wasn’t the general’s daughter? Since when did he notice something abnormal about me…?

While I was gaping, there was no time to react as he grabbed my arm and calmly enveloped me in his form. Hidden within that warmth and those dark eyes was a secret affection so deep that it threatened to dissolve me in its intensity. He kept smiling serenely, but kissed me softly on the lips when he noticed I was still in shock.

“Zhen knows…you hated parting with Zhen, so you’d come back eventually.”

-o-

[1] zhang (丈) －Chinese unit of measurement. 1 zhang = 3.33meters, so three to four zhang means walls at least 12 meters high.

[2] mama (嬷嬷) – not a mother, but a term for an elderly servant, usually a wet nurse.

[3] Xiao Cui (小翠) – literally “Little Jade,” the nickname of the servant girl.

[4] Zhen (朕) – equivalent to the royal We, a personal p.r.o.noun for the emperor to refer to himself

[5] aifei (爱妃) – beloved concubine, imperial concubine, form of address for a wife.

[6] qieshen (妾身) – self-referential p.r.o.noun for a concubine/wife.