Chapter 50 (2/2)
Aiya, so tiresome. I scratched my head, brows furrowed in serious thought. The most important thing now was…
To get out.
I tied a knot in my cloth bundle and placed it under my arm before pus.h.i.+ng open the door. My thoughts were in disorder, making it impossible for me to conjecture anything.
…it’d be better to get the facts once I returned to the palace.
I entered the forest anew like a hapless housefly jostling her way blindly through until I grew confused…how was I supposed to take this path…? I’d been in such a rush, I forgot to leave marks on the road for myself.
Was it this way…?
Or was it that way…?
“Aish, I’ll just walk as I please,” I moved my bag to my shoulders, face a mix of high aspirations and unflinching determination in the face of death. “The cart will find its way round the hill when it gets there[1].”
I brushed aside the irritating tree branches and looked upon the widened expanse before me…unfortunately, the added view also came with one extra person…
—
A cl.u.s.ter of white pear blossoms bloomed splendidly before me. Beyond the pear tree was a wooden table where a person stood with brush in hand, bending over a painting. His dark robes made his face especially jade-like, and those fair, white hands were arranged in a beautiful posture. He raised his head to look at me with gentle eyes.
It was Fang Hua…
Seized with shock, I could only stand unmoving as he looked at me. W-w-was his illness better? He was coughing all last night, but now he was dressed so thinly outdoors. How could he have the spare time to paint?
I was surprised. But I stuck fast in place, unwilling and unable to move. While I frowned, his line of sight slowly moved on to rest on the bag by my shoulders, seemingly lost in thought. His staring made my scalp turn numb as I dejectedly lowered my head. Seeing that there was no way out, I hoisted my bag up and prepared to turn back.
“Why do you always want to leave me?” A cool but tender voice accosted me from behind. It made my heart tremble to hear it and my feet turned into lead, unable to take another step. I turned around to face him, seeing his still form looking at me from a distance. His robes fluttered in the breeze, plain and unadorned as ever. Pear blossom petals drifted in the air to rest on his shoulders, and his face was filled with a grief that made my heart ache.
“Where do you want to go?” he kept asking, though in a much softer voice.
I gave a derisive smile, shaking my head in embarra.s.sment. “I’ve troubled you for so long, so…”
“Don’t try to stall me with words again,” he cut me off, a firm tone in his voice. “These past years, you’ve all left me one by one…”
He was fixated on me, smiling despite the anguish in his brows. “You should know, I don’t have much time left with you all.”
Something tightened in my heart. He knew this much about himself…a man like this, why didn’t anyone want him? It must be lonely to stay at this big house by himself. My voice grew hoa.r.s.e, but before I could reply, he spoke to me in an injured tone.
“You can actually bearing ruining the clothes I gave to you. Look at this, it’s all in tatters.”
Hey, you try falling down the side of a mountain.
“You want to leave me, even if it means climbing your way through the mess of branches?”
So it turned out that ma.s.s of tree branches was really planted there on purpose. Speechless, I gave him a resentful glare. It looked like he wanted to say some more, but his mouth didn’t move. With a pale face, his expression stilled to one of desolation. It made my soften to see him. Originally, I wanted to ask him why he blocked the path with those trees or something about his evil intentions.
Instead, what came out was, “Have you taken your medicine yet?”
He nodded.
After his usual silence, he spoke again. “I’m going to die anyways. It doesn’t matter whether it happens sooner or later. What’s the point of taking medicine when you’re just one person here?”
His words made my heart tremble. This person, he could play the qin and drink and paint and live merrily, so why did he keep cursing himself to die? Though, his expression really did look lonely. He sadly shook his head when I offered to support him, and sat down on the ground in low spirits. Those smooth black strands of hair rested across his shoulders, dark against his white upper robes. He used a sleeve to cover his mouth, chest heaving in a fit of violent coughing.
“Forget it.” I was thoroughly defeated by him. After hesitating for quite a gave, my conscience gave in and I unloaded my bag. “I’ll wait until you get better. Don’t keep saying that you’ll die so soon.”
“So you’re not leaving?”
Leaving…how could I not want to leave?
I glanced at him again, sitting quietly on the ground with a melancholy expression that made my heart quiver…the words rose to my lips and did a circle.
“Leaving. I’ll leave after you’re well.”
His eyes curved into a smile. I foolishly smiled along before I came to my senses. Did I just agree to…stay…here?
Shock.
Look at my good-for-nothing senses. Vexed, I shook my head. But seeing him smile so happily, I couldn’t help but feel the corners of my own mouth rise up. The issue of leaving of house thus ended here.
It was only later on that I realized…he was smiling so happily because he knew he wouldn’t get better, but I’d agreed to spend the rest of his life with him, even if it wasn’t much. Thus, I began my promised undertaking, serving him tea and pouring him water like an old mother or a servant. As to the emperor, I always wanted to pa.s.s him a message using a messenger of some kind. But every time I lifted my brush, I wouldn’t know what to write…somehow, I didn’t want him to know I was here with Fang Hua. I tossed and turned the idea in my mind for half a day before deciding to tell him myself afterwards. I’d take care of Fang Hua first. In such a way, I resolved the problem laying on my heart.
-o- Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.
[1] the cart will find its way round the hill when it gets there (车到山前必有路) －che dao shanqian bi you lu, saying meaning that “things will eventually sort themselves out.”