Chapter 42 (2/2)

He couldn’t nod his head fast enough as he mutely held me in his arms. The wind was very strong by the cliffside that night, but he leaned his head against the crags, stubbornly holding on to me. A chilly moon hung against the horizon, and the gale billowed out our sleeves.

“Zichuan, did you know beforehand that someone would attack the carriage?”

He used a bit of strength to rest me between his knees, stroking my hair as he answered. “I’m not an Immortal, how would I know these things?” He closed his eyes as if preparing to doze. I smiled in response. That’s true…he wasn’t an Immortal.

At the very least, an Immortal wouldn’t tell lies.

Despite his warmth, I couldn’t fall asleep. Both my heart and my body felt extremely uncomfortable. Second had spoken correctly. From the start, I shouldn’t have cultivated the Carefree Recollection. My true qi had suffered damage and now my own internal energy was attacking me. It wasn’t something a human could bear, and an extremely difficult trial to surmount. My eyes remained open while my thoughts drifted, until enough time pa.s.sed for his breaths to turn low and even.

“…Zichuan.” He remained unresponsive.

I s.h.i.+fted a bit, only hesitating briefly before rolling up my sleeves and digging through his robes. It was easy to fish out the bundle of silk from inside. Opening it up, I found the pills he had hidden away from me…as well as a single paper charm. Smiling softly, I smoothed out the crumpled charm before folding it into a paper crane. Then I put it in my lap and stroked it, watching the pa.s.sing wind make its wings tremble. My other hand held the pill to my nose for an experimental sniff.

Should I or shouldn’t I take it?

—

Second said eating it would not only suppress, but dissolve the rest of the internal energy in my body. Even if I didn’t eat it, my internal energy had already been heavily depleted. Now it was even rising up and attacking me, making me doubtful whether I’d live to see the sun tomorrow. My heart was doing flip-flops, and I felt extremely tired.

But if I ate it, then wouldn’t that mean…?

My smile was bitter. Preserving my life was more important. I hadn’t even seen Fang Hua yet, so how could I shut my eyes and pa.s.s away so easily?

I placed it in my mouth. The slightly acrid flavor of the drug spread out across my tongue. I cradled the paper crane in my hands and dug up the remaining traces of my memory to wave my fingers, casting an incantation. The paper crane started moving its wings, and suddenly flew off to disappear into the horizon…while I leaned against the rocks and smiled.

Little one, take this message to my Princes. Tell them not to worry, and if I fall into Han Zichuan’s hands, don’t get drawn into the struggles of the imperial court.

I sat leaning across the crags, slowly closing my eyes as dawn broke out in the east. Gradually, the sun rose to illuminate the dewdrops, heralding a new day…

—

I don’t know how long I remained unconscious, or when it was that someone carried me out of the cave. Exhaustion had overtaken my body as if I would die at any moment. Beneath me, soft silken bedcovers slipped and slid like water as they jolted incessantly. Dimly, I could hear a voice murmuring by my ear.

“After we enter the palace, Zhen won’t let anything hurt you…”

That person must have been bending over me, because his breathing was very near…

There was a soft laugh, the breath unbelievably ticklish. A warm hand rested on my head, the dexterous fingers softly stroking my hair. Before I even opened my eyes, I could smell the scent of rain-kissed bamboo. This was exactly like the scent from my childhood home. There used to be someone who extremely liked that smell. Back then, Han Zichuan used to say it was dull that everything smelled like bamboo, but I liked it immensely because it cleared the heart and refreshed the body.

I felt very tired, wavering between sleeping and alertness. My head felt rather muddled, and every time I tried to think, it was like grasping at strands of silk that escaped from my fingers. In the darkness, a figure dressed in white appeared before me, clear yet indistinct as he floated farther and farther away.

The pain this sight caused me was tremendous.

No…

I suddenly opened my eyes.

“What is it?” someone asked in a steady voice.

I blinked once, not knowing what was the matter. I only knew I was uncomfortable but not the reason why…and my head…my head felt like it was on the verge of exploding. The light was very dim, and the room was unfamiliar…it was very s.p.a.cious, and couldn’t be called a room, but a grand hall.

A faint scent of bamboo drifted through the air, restful and calm. I was lying on something soft, breathing heavily as I stared at the ceiling. Beyond the layers of flickering candlelight and embroidered lotuses on muslin gaze, I could vaguely see the forms of auspicious flying dragons. The curtains around my bed seemed like they were going to bury me alive, and I felt a sudden rush of panic…

Was this the imperial palace? Why was I here?

I was utterly confused, my hands groping about and crumpling the brocade covers…my limbs felt numb as if every inch was being gnawed on by ants, and complete fatigue had overtaken my body, making it hard to use any strength.

“Shao’er? What’s wrong with you, don’t scare me.”

Someone was holding my face and patting it. His actions seemed to be conflicted, afraid to use too little force to wake me, or too much force to hurt me. Those pretty eyebrows were all knotted up, yet it did nothing to mar the heroic beauty of his face.

Who…was he?

Ah, that’s right…I closed my eyes and dimly thought for a bit.

He’s Han Zichuan, the current reigning emperor.

“Someone, go call the imperial physician. You’re all more useless than the dead.”

My chest felt stuffy, and it felt like a cloud of true qi was rising up from my abdomen. Shoot…of all the times for a flare-up, it had to happen now. My vision turned black, and I lost awareness for a while.

—

When I recovered my senses, I felt a hand checking my pulse. One of my arms was resting on a pillow, and the air was very cold. I twitched my finger a few times before I regained some feeling. Who knew how long that person had been examining me? I only felt that his whole body was shaking, as if he feared this cold even more than I did. Or not…perhaps he was shaking from fear.

My illness couldn’t be counted as an illness, but a result of my cultivation.

Add that to the fact that I’d incurred internal injuries, then the pill I’d eaten must have yet to take effect, or else I wouldn’t have remembered this much. I next felt someone scooping me up into their arms, their movements exceptionally gentle. He blew on a cup of water for a long while before handing it over to me. I had no strength to take it, nor did I want to drink.

I only stared at the cup, which seemed determined to stay until I accepted it. Very reluctantly, I scooted over and took a shallow sip. It was cool and refres.h.i.+ng, and the cold slipped into my stomach to suppress the churning currents of nameless qi inside. This water was probably dosed with some medicines for focus and calming qi, so I lowered my head and drank some more.

The person holding me seemed to relax and exhale as he watched. He placed the drink aside and wrapped his arms around me, chin resting on my shoulders as he looked at me with a vastly complicated expression. It was hard for me to take it all in, so I forced a weak smile.

“Imperial Physician, what’s the meaning behind this illness? Why did she suddenly become like this?”

“To reply your Majesty,” the old voice that spoke was so respectful, he was one note away from bowing on the floor. He didn’t even dare to lift his head. “This, this…”

After all that time,  he still didn’t know what to call me by. This imperial physician wasn’t even worth half of Nongyu’s intelligent or eloquence. Though…who exactly was Nongyu…? I searched for awhile, using all my strength to think before I dimly recalled a face.

My head hurt…

I gave a soft groan. The hand around my waist tightened, as if troubled by my noise, and I s.h.i.+fted my body. Right, the emperor was holding me in his arms. I came to the palace this time because…

I tried to remember, but it only made me tired and uncomfortable. The currents of qi still trapped in my chest were still fighting each other, twisting and turning left and right to give me no peace.

“Are you going to say it or not?” There was a pah! and the sound of something shattering.

“To reply your Majesty, the lady possesses an extremely abnormal pulse. Your servant has never encountered such a condition, but it seems that she’s suffered severe internal injuries. Her true qi is leaking from her body, making her pulse fluctuate between moments of yang strength and yin weakness. In one moment, she possesses internal energy; in the next, it is gone. Your servant is really unsure of what to do beyond writing a few prescriptions to bolster the body and adjust her breathing. The rest will require a few more days of observation before medicine can be given.”

What ‘qi is leaking’ nonsense?

I’m suppressing internal energy so it won’t flare up and attack me and you dare to randomly prescribe me medicine? Wait until I’m better, if I see you’ve messed me up anywhere…I’ll cripple you. How dare this guy try to show his skills before an expert, my medical knowledge…

Do I know medicine?

How irritating, it felt like more of my memories…were slowly slipping away, no matter how I try to hold on…

An angry voice spoke a few words above my head, his chest heaving with the effort. I couldn’t even rest against him quietly, but shook in the wake of his movements. So uncomfortable…

My mind was in disarray. Why were they so noisy? I fumbled about until I found the source of the voice and found a hand, soft and warm like a coc.o.o.n. I tugged it to the side of my head, my eyebrows pressed together. He seemed to recover some tact as deft fingers ma.s.saged my temples with soft strokes. “What are you all standing around in a daze for? Hurry up and bring over the medicine.”

—

A pungent smell a.s.sailed my nostrils.

I didn’t know what it was, but unconsciously, I knew that I didn’t want to drink it. My face turned away as I buried myself in his chest. There was a tight laugh, mixed with notes of doting and helplessness. He said a few more things that I couldn’t hear, and pushed against my shoulders a few times. I didn’t want to acknowledge him. A pair of hands slipped past my face and brought something warm to my lips.

I wanted to dodge, but someone pinched my nose. I was already feeling congested with a headache…

Sullenly, I opened my mouth to breathe as a spoonful of something was slipped inside. Before I could spit it out, the warm liquid slid down my throat, and I half choked. I was too surprised to even open my eyes. I could only feel a churning in my stomach as I clutched the front of his robes, feeling the bitter taste in my mouth s.h.i.+fting flavors as something else surged upwards…I couldn’t hold it back, and raised my head to spit it out.

The air was suddenly filled with a strange, raw smell…

I narrowed my eyes and studied the man before me. Both his robes and face were flecked with red, and his eyes were exceptionally bright as he looked at me, disturbed and terrified. Looks like I’d frightened him.

It’s over…

I’d spat out blood.

I just knew I couldn’t take the prescription from that muddlehead doctor…why did you feed me anyways?

Great… Just great.

I closed my eyes with a frown, holding his robes in a posture of grievous discontent…and lost consciousness again. The funny thing was, I remembered First’s words to me before my eyes shut. He said that practicing this form of cultivation would bring me trouble sooner or later. The Carefree Recollection seemed like warm water, but was actually a raging flame that forced the internal energy to alternate between periods of gentle calm and ferocious activity. If the pract.i.tioner incurred heavy internal injuries, then when the gentle cycle ended, the vicious qi would claim their life…

To remember without sorrow, the Carefree Recollection.

It mixed the cultivator’s internal energy with their memories, imbibing the strength of one with the other. If all the internal energy dissipated, then all the memories would follow, leaving everything a blank slate.

But what choice did I have? I couldn’t just stand by while Han Zichuan was in danger, even if saving him hurt me. First probably expected this when he packed the qi dispersing pills in my things. Though…I never expected that I’d have to use them so soon.

No matter what, I had to stay alive until I saw Fang Hua. It’s fine if I lose my memories. As long as I can see him once, as long as he still remembers me, then I’ll be content.

What kind of scene would play out the next time we met?

Maybe I’d stop grieving. Maybe I could smile at him without misgivings and say softly, ‘This young lord is exceedingly handsome. Where are you from? Where do you live?’

Even though my mind was dazed and confused, I managed a tired smile.

Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.