Part 8 (1/2)
Laney sighed. ”Man, Carson, way to ruin my big news. If you'd just told him like a normal person, he wouldn't have had to guess.” She looked at me. ”You guessed wrong, by the way. And just in case it's still not clear-I'm not pregnant, and won't be for a very, veeery long time.”
”Clear,” I said. When I looked back at my brother, I stopped smiling. Because, as terrified as he was to have children, I think he was also a little disappointed by Laney's emphasis on 'very.' He caught me staring and brushed off the expression that had given him away, and we both refocused on what Laney was saying.
”My lily pad tables are finally all done! For the piece I started eons ago. Remember?”
I nodded as the memory came back to me. Laney was an artist, and had been commissioned to do multiple pieces inside the enormous lobby of a building downtown.
”It took so long to find the right wood pieces for each table.” Right, she'd only wanted to use wood that had been salvaged from the bay. ”You can't see them yet, not until they're in place. And who knows how long that will take. The building manager keeps nagging me for a date, but it's art. You can't rush that s.h.i.+t.” She smiled. ”Just kidding. I have to set a date so they can plan their big unveiling thing for the new lobby with a fancy party and all that c.r.a.p. But I want you to be there. Clare, too.”
”Do I have to go?” Carson asked, smiling.
”Don't make me kiss your brother,” she warned.
”Hey,” both of us said at the same time.
”I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that threat,” I said.
”I'm definitely not comfortable with that threat,” my brother added.
She laughed at our mutual dissatisfaction and then kissed her boyfriend. ”Yes, you absolutely have to be there. The whole thing is about you.” They kissed again. I focused on my beer.
”You'll go, Hayden? Please, I need someone to control your brother,” she teased.
”I wouldn't miss it.” When she threw her arms around me, I found myself thinking that Sira would really like her.
”Who's Sira?” Laney asked.
I flinched when I heard her name. ”What?”
”You said Sira would like Lane,” Carson said slowly. ”Who's Sira?”
”Sira is...um...” I wiped a hand over my mouth, cursing its stupidity.
”Where is Clare, Hayden?” he asked even more slowly.
With only a momentary glance, I saw his eyes widen. Not exactly the same look as Laney-hers held no suspicion-but their intensity came from the same place. Both of them knew something was going on, but they didn't know what. Which made a lot of sense since I didn't know what was going on either.
”Clare is in Colorado with a friend. And Sira is...someone I work with.”
Carson's eyes didn't move. ”Lane? Can you get us a couple more beers?”
She loudly blew out her breath. ”Gee, Carson. I don't actually need a hint to be that obvious. You could've just said, 'Can I talk to my brother alone for a sec?' I know we're together, but that doesn't mean we aren't allowed to talk to people, you know?”
Carson finally looked away from me and toward her. ”Actually, I wasn't trying to fool you, babe. I was trying to fool him. So he wouldn't figure out that I was about to call him on some s.h.i.+t he might not want you to hear. But thanks for the relations.h.i.+p clarification.”
”Oops.” Laney stammered for a second then nodded once. ”I'm going to go get us...some fresh beers.” She grabbed Carson's wallet and walked into the restaurant toward the bar.
As soon as she was out of earshot, I threw my hands up. ”What do you want to know, little brother?”
”I want to know what the f.u.c.k is going on with my big brother. So talk. Who is she?”
”She's no one.”
”She's obviously someone.”
I paused, looking for a quick way out of the conversation, not sure if I wanted a way out. Carson was as close to a confidante as I'd ever had. Until Laney had come along, I would never have thought to discuss women with him, primarily because Carson's only experience with them was s.e.xual. For the past few years, my only experience with them was...not s.e.xual. Wow, I needed help.
”Waiting. Impatiently.”
”Okay.” I took a deep breath. ”Yes, Sira is someone. She's someone I...I see everywhere.”
”f.u.c.k, man.” He ran a hand through his hair. ”What about Clare? You just gonna give that up?”
”Wait a minute. Now you've decided you can judge me? You've been f.u.c.king up for twenty-five years, doing whatever you want whenever you want to.”
”Exactly,” he said, nodding. ”I was f.u.c.king up. Now that I have something good, I would never do anything that could blow it.”
”That's the thing, little brother. I don't have anything good. I've never had anything good.”
He grimaced but didn't argue. We had the same father, the same mother, and we'd kept the same secrets growing up.
But I had one even he didn't know about. I'd been there when our father died. I was there, and I could've stopped it from happening. But I hadn't. Every day since, I'd played by the rules, did the right thing, lived a life I didn't want, all to make up for that one moment.
”And you think this thing with Sira is good?” Carson asked.
”There is no 'thing with Sira.' I've never even met her. And I never will.” I laughed at myself. ”But it's as if I see her everywhere.”
”So she's what? A webcam girl?” He misunderstood my shocked silence as a need for clarification. ”You know, the women who strip and pretend they like having a bunch of hairy, old men jerking off to them.”
”I know what a webcam girl is, Carson. I was just trying to figure out why you'd think I'd be that delusional.” Then again, I guess it wasn't that much of a stretch. I sighed. ”I don't even know what Sira looks like, but every time I hear a woman laugh, I look over and wonder if it's her.”
He glanced in the direction Laney had gone. ”Look, Hay, I don't want to judge.”
”You mean any more than you already are?”
”Right,” he said emotionless. ”But honestly, on my list of things I'd rather never do, imagining my brother getting naked with anyone is pretty close to the top.”
”Above or below imagining me jerking off to a webcam girl?”
”Below, but just barely.” He shook his head as if to get rid of any and all images that might have appeared. ”I don't know the details, but it's hard to miss how weird you and Clare's relations.h.i.+p is. You act more like brother and sister, but not in the inbred, freaky, 'I'm my own grandpa' kind of way.”
”Good, because I was really worried about that,” I grumbled. ”Do you have a point, Carson?”
”Get a divorce.”
It was my turn to grimace. ”I can't do that. Clare needs...” She didn't need me, but she needed someone.
”Clare's a beautiful girl with a big trust fund. She'll be just fine. And you're a big boy, although how big I don't want to know.” He clenched his eyes and growled, shaking his fist. ”Okay, I did it to myself that time. Eww. Seriously, tell me you don't have a d.i.c.k so I can picture you as a Ken doll.”