Part 3 (2/2)

”You didn't think I knew?” That was a shock. I'd a.s.sumed it was just one more of the things we knew but didn't talk about. Just one more lie we didn't verbalize. Why would we? It would ruin our mutual boredom. ”If nothing else, we haven't had s.e.x in...long enough for me to know your smiles aren't my doing.”

”You've had some, too.”

”No, I haven't.” No lovers. No smiles.

Her brow furrowed. ”You're telling me that you haven't had s.e.x with anyone but me since we got married?”

”Unless my hand counts, no.”

”We haven't been intimate for years, Hayden. Are you telling me you haven't had s.e.x in two years?”

I shook my head-both answering her question and acknowledging to myself what an idiot I'd been. d.a.m.n, had it been that long? I'd stopped counting the days when it got pathetic, but two years? Yeah, that was far beyond pathetic.

”Why not?” The question was honest-she really didn't understand why I would've been faithful when she, and almost everyone else we knew, wasn't.

”I distinctly remember the words 'honor and obey' in our vows. Fidelity wasn't mentioned, but I kind of thought that was an unspoken promise.”

”I made the same promise, but I didn't keep mine.” She pulled her hair back as if to put it in a ponytail. It fell into place as soon as she let it go. ”If you knew I was sleeping with someone else, why aren't you angry? Why don't you leave?”

The vulnerability of her expression only added to my shock that we were having this conversation. How could she not realize she was breaking the only rule we lived by? That to not talk about this, give the other an opportunity to hurt us, was an even larger promise than our marriage vows.

”Why are you still with me, Hayden?”

”Because...” Because I'd known what I was getting into with Clare, and I married her anyway. No one forced me. Even before we were married, there was no real pa.s.sion in our relations.h.i.+p. And certainly no love. We got married because it was expected of us, because it was the logical thing to do. Because I'd wanted to protect her the only way I knew how.

Because I'd failed to protect my mother and my little brother from my father. I'd failed them by leaving them behind. I couldn't make that mistake with another person, couldn't leave her to a different but equally horrible man. Her father was still alive, still part of her life and mine. All I could do was be a buffer, a s.h.i.+eld. To make sure I was present. Love wasn't a necessary component of that.

Initially, I'd been naive enough to think that things between Clare and I would change. No, that's not right. I knew she'd never love me. I guess I didn't see love as being all that important because I'd never felt it before, didn't think it was something I could ever have. Until I had a conversation with Carson. Until my little brother-the one without a single desire for stability or fidelity-had found something beautiful and was happier than I'd ever seen him. That was the moment I realized what I'd been missing, that being numb might not be the only way to be.

”I'm not sure I can express it,” I said. ”There are a lot of reasons, I guess. Respect, comfort, stability, companions.h.i.+p.”

She rolled her eyes. ”Oh, Hayden, you do know how to sweet talk a lady.”

”Do I need to sweet talk you? Would that change anything?”

”I wish it was different,” she said after a moment.

Me, too.

She went to her chair and sat down, curling up her legs and picking up her e-reader. I dumped what was now congealing in the pan into the sink and started a new omelet large enough for both of us.

No other words were exchanged for the rest of the evening. Like normal. A normal I wasn't sure I could manage anymore.

5.

Andi

A chat window popped up on the bottom of my screen. Hayden had gotten the hang of the feature amazingly fast for an old guy, even when we'd had to switch from Gmail to an in-house chat system his company used because of privacy issues.

Not that surprising, considering he was probably one of those people who was good at everything. I hate those people. Although, in Hayden's case, I felt sorry for him-he seemed lonely. An unhappy, old, rich guy, who had no one to talk to other than his virtual a.s.sistant. His not-rich virtual a.s.sistant who had no one to talk to other than her boss. Yeah, that wasn't sad at all.

'Are you done yet?' He'd sent me about ten doc.u.ments to proofread-barely anything for him, and about ten times what most of my other clients gave me. No wonder he'd lost his old a.s.sistant. But he paid well, and it wasn't like I had anything resembling a social life to distract me.

I laughed and typed, 'I promise to let you know as soon as I am. But please note that every time you ask me if I'm done, I have to stop what I'm doing to answer.'

'Then stop answering.'

'Then stop asking.' I paused. 'I'm sending you something to keep you occupied until I'm done. Check your email.' Over the past week or so, I'd started researching birds. Not something I'd ever thought I'd do, but according to his bio, Hayden loved birds. That's weird, right? Scratch that-it shouldn't have been a question. Because, yeah, it's totally weird. I sent him a link to the file anyway.

About an hour later, I sent the finished doc.u.ments to him via email. Then I used the chat box to tell him to check his email again or he'd never do it. How people could live without modern tech, I had no idea. Although, he'd obviously gotten pretty far without knowing how to use it. If nothing else, I could pat myself on the back for teaching an old dog new tricks.

'Did you look at the file?'

His response popped up fast. 'Yes, more birds. I would never have pegged you for a bird lover.'

What? 'I don't like birds. You do.'

'Sure...when they're on my plate.'

Well, I guess everyone lies on their resumes. But, oh c.r.a.p. I'd been sending him pictures of birds for weeks. Did he think I was a total weirdo? Scratch that. Shouldn't have been a question, and it didn't take a MBA to figure out the answer. Although, having a bird fetish seemed a little too weird, even for me.

'Thanks for the doc. I'll take a look later.'

'I thought you needed it right away!' I'd pressed send before I should have because that one comment could cost me the job. Sarcasm didn't always translate via the written word, and no amount of smiley-faces could convince someone otherwise once they thought they'd been told off. I typed, 'Didn't mean that to sound so rude.'

After a nerve-wracking moment, his response popped up. 'Too bad. I thought it was the perfect amount of rude.'

My mouth dropped open. Oh s.h.i.+t. What did that mean? Was he joking back, or was he serious about the comment being rude, or was he offended but trying to be nice? I'd gotten too comfortable with him, too chatty. I'd never done that kind of thing before.

I leaned back from the computer, not trusting my hands anymore. ”Wait. Just wait and see if he gives you more work, Andi. Don't say anything that might make it worse. In fact, don't say anything at all.” I think I'd already given him enough proof I'm nuts. Anything more would just be redundant.

I relaxed as soon as I saw he'd made another comment.

'Having something sent to you. Do the same thing you did with the last one, but more politely.'

Was that sarcasm?

'Okay.' My day was normally a breeze because I was more comfortable on a computer than on carpet. But not today. And not with Hayden Bennett.

So what did I do? The one thing I'd never done before for a very good reason. You don't look up info on your clients because you might find something you shouldn't know. And then you might not want to work for them, or you might start reading between the lines of their doc.u.ments, looking for bodies or any information the FBI needed to know. All bad things for an a.s.sistant to do. Be professional, be polite, never pry. And above all, do not make it personal.

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