Part 6 (2/2)
”Sorry, but I'm new at this. I've never tried to talk a woman out of going to bed with me before.”
”Lucky me. What an honor. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't completely decided to go to bed with you. Maybe I'll decide against it. Maybe I'll decide Ace is a better prospect. Maybe I'll decide to run an ad in the paper. Lord, I never thought it would be so hard to get rid of my virginity. Maybe I should rent a pervert.”
”That isn't funny.”
Stephanie plopped back onto the bed. ”I might cry.”
Ivan stuffed a pillow behind his back and pulled Stephanie against him, wrapping her in his arms. ”Steph, do you trust me?”
She thought about it for a moment. ”Yes.”
”Don't worry about the s.e.x.”
”Easy for you to say.” Stephanie sighed. ”I've been afraid for so long, you know? I wanted to be brave about this. I wanted to... go for the gusto.”
”What were you afraid of?”
”Everything. Just call me No Guts Stephanie. I lost my courage as a cop, then I realized that I didn't have any courage as a person. All those chicken dinners and meaningless evenings with Steve. I was like a little kid carrying around a security blanket. I was afraid to go off on my own, afraid to break away from my parents, afraid to take risks in a more demanding male-female relations.h.i.+p.”
”Sometimes when you're very close to things, it's hard to see them. They get out of perspective. You were doing something that obviously was important to you, and you had to delay other parts of your life for a while. There's nothing wrong with that.”
Stephanie allowed herself the luxury of leaning on him. ”Thanks. I know it was a trade-off, but I think toward the end I was using my job as an excuse to avoid developing other areas of my life. I'd forgotten how to make friends. I'd made my life very narrow. I'd lost the courage to be accessible... to be vulnerable.”
”And now?”
”There are so many things I want to do. I feel as though I've been standing with my nose pressed against the bakery window, and now I'm finally allowed inside, and I don't know what to buy first.”
”What goodies are at the top of your list?”
Stephanie hesitated. She s.h.i.+fted around in his arms and looked him straight in the eye. ”I guess your goodies would be number one.”
”Oh.”
”Oh? That's all you can say? Oh? I've just told you for the second time in ten minutes that I'm hot for your goodies, and all you can say is oh. I've just spilled my guts about being vulnerable, and all you can say is oh. What kind of a pirate are you anyway? Why aren't you ravis.h.i.+ng me? Why doesn't anyone ever want to ravish me?” She was shouting, and her cheeks were bright red. ”Look at me! I'm hysterical! You've made me hysterical. I've never been hysterical before.”
She took a deep, calming breath and pressed her lips together. ”I'm going to leave now. Tomorrow I'm going to be mortally embarra.s.sed about this, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk to me. In a year or so my embarra.s.sment will probably fade, and maybe we can be friends. In the meantime, stay far away from me.”
Stephanie sat Indian style on the forward cabin roof. She huddled inside her hooded sweats.h.i.+rt and squinted into the drizzle. Everything around her was black. There were no stars, no moon, no light from belowdecks. Everyone was asleep, exhausted from an old-fas.h.i.+oned Maine clambake. Tomorrow they'd sail into Camden Harbor and go about their business. Tomorrow she'd hunt up Stanley Shelton and get her toilet fixed. And Sunday she'd sleep until noon. She saw a shadow move at the other end of the s.h.i.+p and realized Ivan was also on deck and watching her. She had mixed feelings about that. He hadn't done anything but watch her for three days. It wasn't any secret he was lying low. Of course, that was exactly what she'd ordered him to do, but it didn't sit well all the same.
He walked toward her, looking like an apparition gliding through the mist, very mysterious and a little spooky. He stood in front of her with his thumbs stuck in his jeans pockets. ”Can't sleep?”
”Didn't want to.”
”Making the most of your last night on board?”
”Something like that.” The truth was, she was restless. She'd wanted to have a s.h.i.+pboard romance and had only succeeded in making a spectacle of herself. So she'd come topside to sit in the rain and lick her wounds and feel sorry for herself. In the process she was thinking a few nasty thoughts about Ivan Rasmussen.
”I had a call from Lucy this evening. She said she'll be sailing with me on Monday.”
Stephanie looked at him. There was laughter behind his gray eyes-and something else. He was holding something back. ”And?”
”And she didn't get married.”
”What?” Stephanie jumped to her feet. ”What do you mean, she didn't get married? She's still engaged? What happened?”
”I guess they had a big fight, and Lucy told him what he could do with his plumbing.”
”Oh, man. How could she do this to me? Is he going to fix my toilet?”
Ivan's mouth curved. ”I don't know. Didn't sound to me as though they parted friends.”
”I did this for nothing! I suffered through this whole dumb week for nothing!”
The smile faded from Ivan's lips, he grabbed her by the arms, and he pulled her to him. ”I wouldn't say you did it for nothing.”
Oh, great. Now he was going to deliver some little speech about s.h.i.+ps pa.s.sing in the night, she thought bitterly. He was going to give her one of those kisses that left her babbling nonsense, then he was going to say it was swell. Maybe she should introduce him to Steve. ”Hmmm,” she said. It was all she could manage, and even to her ears it sounded grim.
”Are you mad about something?” Of course she's mad, he thought. In her eyes, he'd rejected her, insulted her, and embarra.s.sed her. And for the past three days he'd kept his distance, waiting for her to calm down, but it seemed as if she'd grown more furious with each pa.s.sing day.
”No. Jeez, what would I be mad about? I propositioned you and was immediately rejected. But, hey, who's holding a grudge? All that talk about pirates ravis.h.i.+ng pretty girls, then nothing. Nothing!” She spun away from him and stomped over to the rail. ”I can't imagine why you think I'm mad.”
”Maybe it's the way you're shouting and waving your arms.”
”I'm not shouting.”
Stephanie felt the shove of hands at her back and then she was flying through s.p.a.ce and plunging feetfirst into the ocean. She bobbed to the surface sputtering expletives.
Ivan dropped a life preserver beside her. ”Are you okay?”
”Do I look okay? I'm in the water. I'm drowning.”
He dropped a rope ladder over the side and plunged into the water beside her. ”Grab hold of the ladder and pull yourself up before you get dragged under by the weight of your clothes.”
”Get away from me, you maniac. You tried to kill me.”
”Listen, lady, I'm in freezing cold water, fully clothed, and I'm trying to rescue you. Now get up the stupid ladder.”
Stephanie labored up the ladder and staggered onto the deck. ”You pushed me! I should have you arrested for attempted manslaughter.”
”I didn't push you. What's this thing you have about being pushed anyway? Someone pushed you down the hill and someone pushed you into the water. You know what I think? I think you're a fruitcake.”
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