Part 11 (2/2)

He stared at me, and I saw something in the set of his mouth I couldn't quite identify. Embarra.s.sment? Anger? He brought his coffee cup to his mouth and took a sip.

”So,” he said, ”how have things been with you? Oh, I know what I wanted to ask. How did your art show turn out? I'm sorry I never got over there.”

”It went well. I sold, let me see, about half of the originals, and most of the prints, and got orders for others I ran out of. I was actually surprised with the results.”

”I knew it. Hey, you know what? While I'm here, why don't you take me through your studio?”

For a second, my thoughts jumbled. It was the way he'd said, your studio, like he was familiar with the layout of the house. I'd never mentioned that I had a studio-though maybe he'd just a.s.sumed I would-in a house this size. Or Caroline-of course, that was it-Caroline had mentioned it to him. ”Yes, I'd love to show it to you.”

”Great, I'd love to see it.”

I began a guided tour of the house. We decided to make my studio the last stop, since Josh might want to spend more time there.

I walked him through the main floor, the entrance with its two-story ceiling, marble floor tile, and walls adorned with paintings-none of which were my own. Then we moved on to the living room with its natural stone fireplace and large windows that overlooked the mountains in daylight, but now sparkled with cascading snow made visible by the incandescent spotlights outside. We stopped and looked out for a while, and I thought how romantic this scene would be if Josh and I were still in love.

He reached over and touched my arm. ”Look how beautiful that is. Something, isn't it?”

We continued on.

”When we're done with this floor,” I said, ”I'll have to show you the bas.e.m.e.nt. I've got this huge cedar sauna down there, and a whirlpool tub, and a shower, and this big exercise room. It was all here when I bought the house. It's so perfect.”

He nodded and smiled at me.

Finally, we walked downstairs to the bas.e.m.e.nt. ”It doesn't feel like a bas.e.m.e.nt at all,” I said, ”with the door walls looking out at the mountains here too.”

Josh stepped into the sauna and gazed around. ”You've got a really nice place, Gwyn,” he said, stepping out again.

I was reluctant to take him upstairs, not because I didn't trust him, but because showing him the bed Trevor and I slept together in night after night, seemed not very nice.

”Well,” I said, ”you're probably getting bored. Maybe we should move on to the studio.”

He pointed upstairs. ”You missed a floor.”

”Oh. Well, it's just bedrooms and baths.”

He raised his eyebrows. ”I want the whole tour. I paid my nickel.”

I laughed. ”Okay.”

We started up the stairs.

I paused before the first of the four bedrooms. ”This is the guest room, though it's never been used for that.” I thought of it as the blue room, the spread on the queen-size bed and the rest of the furnis.h.i.+ngs all in matching shades of blue.

”Nice,” he said.

We walked to the next door.

”And this is just an extra room. Trevor uses it sometimes for a study, though he also has the real study downstairs.” I didn't add that this and one of the other upstairs rooms would eventually belong to our future children. Of course, that all rested on me still being married. I gazed into the room with its television, nubby-textured couch concealing a pullout bed, and oak bookcases.

”I like this too,” he said.

”And this is just another room,” I said, about to brush by.

”Wait, I want to see it.” He opened the door and flipped on the light, then looked at me.

I knew he had noticed how the room did not go with the rest of the house. The bedroom furniture was cheaply made and morbidly dark. Kelly had purchased it at a thrift shop and painted it black, probably during some drug-induced euphoria. It was truly ugly.

”Well, I'm not sure I like this,” he said, ”but if you do.” He turned to me again.

”It's Kelly's old stuff. I'm going to get rid of it.”

”How did it get here?”

I turned out the light. ”I brought it here-a long time ago.”

I spent a few moments showing him the hall bath, then moved on to the master bedroom. It was the largest room of all, the king-size bed lost in the s.p.a.ciousness of it. We stepped into the walk-in closet, Trevor's things on one side, mine on the other, my side looking empty in comparison to Trevor's.

”He's got a lot of suits,” Josh said, so close behind me now that I could feel his warm breath move past my cheek.

I ushered him into the master bath with its gold rimmed and marble tiled Jacuzzi tub, big enough for two people to stretch out comfortably. He pulled open the gla.s.s shower door. ”Nice. I really like the gold fixtures.”

We left the bath and I walked quickly across the bedroom, hurrying past the bed again. I stopped only after I'd reached the hall. ”Well, all that's left is my studio,” I said, and practically raced for the stairs-afraid to look at him and read something in his face-afraid he might pull me close and try to kiss me-afraid that in my weakened state I might not stop him.

I detoured to the kitchen first and poured more coffee, waiting for my heart to slow down, thinking that I had to get him out the door soon. There was something in the air drifting around us, a soft sensual smoke winding through and circling, curling ... coaxing.

”There you are,” he said.

”I got more coffee. You want some?”

He nodded slowly.

I handed him the cup, black, the way he liked it.

”I'm making you nervous, aren't I?” he said, and took the cup from my hand.

”No.” But I almost spilled the coffee at the brief touch of his fingers on mine.

”Do you mind staying here all alone tonight?”

”Of course not.”

”You're not afraid?”

”No, and stop it,” I said, knowing he was teasing, and annoyed that he knew exactly what I was feeling. I moved quickly past him before the smoke could draw us any closer. ”You have to go.”

”But I haven't seen your studio.”

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