Part 5 (1/2)

”You can't blame yourself, Gwyn. We'll never know exactly why Kelly felt she had to lie. But you do have to stop thinking you could have changed her.”

Numbly, I brushed away tears with the back of my hand.

”I know how very much you loved Kelly, and I believe she knew that too. Maybe she felt you were the only one left who still believed in her, who saw something in her that was truly special. Maybe she wasn't willing to let that go. Though I've never spoken to her, I think from what you've told me that she must have loved you too, very much. After all, you looked after her after your mother died.”

”Well, my father was there too.”

”Yes, but from what you've told me, he wasn't around too much.”

”No.” I took a deep breath, finally shaking myself of the bizarre feeling that had taken hold of me a while ago. ”You are right, of course. Kelly couldn't have handled the thought of losing me too, losing my love. She'd lost Mom, then Dad. And Linda, well ... Kelly and Linda weren't exactly best friends. I suppose Kelly couldn't take the chance that maybe she'd mess things up with me too.... It's so strange. I've had dreams since she died where I died too, where I lost my footing and fell into this cold dark bottomless creva.s.se, and for one horrible instant, I feel my insides shrivel, because I know this is it. No one can save me. I can't even scream I'm so terrified. Maybe that's how it was for her that night. I don't know. I'm not sure I want to know, because if it's as bad as it must have been, how can I ...?” I stopped abruptly, sat very still. Finally, I looked up at her. ”I have said all this before, haven't I?”

”Gwyn, you are not at fault. You are not the one to blame.”

”No?”

”No.”

”You're right. He is.”

”I'm going to give you a referral to that psychiatrist friend of mine, just for some medication, something to help you relax, nothing heavy duty. I want you to-”

”No, I don't want to take anything. I'm okay.”

”Of course. But you can always call me if you change your mind. I do think we should see each other again. Maybe next week, if that's all right.”

”Sure.”

”Talk to Rachel on your way out. Tell her I said to fit you in.”

”All right.”

I stood and my knees buckled slightly. I hoped Janet hadn't noticed, but she glanced down, then back up into my eyes. ”You're certain you're okay?”

”Yes, I'm fine.”

I bypa.s.sed Rachel. I just wanted out of there. I'd call and make the appointment later on ... or maybe not.

I was consumed with thoughts of Kelly on the drive home.

Initially, police surmised she'd been a random victim of a drunk driver who'd swerved out onto the gravel shoulder, hit her, then panicked and fled. But no one could supply the answer to one important question. What was Kelly doing walking alone on a deserted road so late at night?

The morning after she died, reeling from the news, I drove over to the old house. When I opened the garage door, I found Kelly's pickup parked inside. She'd almost never bothered to pull her truck in, so I'd inspected further. Her right front headlight was smashed and the fender creased. Dried blood stained both the gla.s.s and metal.

Her killer had taken the time to drive her truck back to the house, pull it into the garage, and close the door. Everyone had a.s.sumed it was Craig Foster. He didn't have an alibi, and he did have a record, drug offenses and other a.s.sorted crimes. He must have known they wouldn't look any further. After he ran, the police had focused entirely on him.

As soon as I got home, I walked into the studio and checked my answering machine, which flashed ominously with seven messages. I started to play them back, but cut them off after the first one, from Linda.

I nervously dialed her number.

”Linda, I just got home. Are you all right? Why aren't you at the hospital?”

”I think I'm okay now, well sort of, and I tried to call Wolfgang, but he hasn't called back.”

”Call an ambulance-right now-or I will.”

”No, Gwyn, don't. Please, you come and take me there. I'm only a little dizzy now. I don't want an ambulance in the driveway flas.h.i.+ng its lights. I don't want to explain to the neighbors, okay? I swear. I'm not that bad.”

”I'll be there in five minutes. Don't hang up.”

I drove with reckless speed, hoping Linda was telling the truth, that she wasn't hurt badly. But how can you fall down a flight of stairs and judge that for yourself? And who the h.e.l.l cared what the neighbors thought?

I rushed through the front door calling her name. She was laid out on the couch, eyes shut, and for a second I wasn't sure if she was conscious. Then she turned her head and tried to smile.

”G.o.d, Linda, don't scare me like this.” I knelt beside her. ”You look awful. Is anything broken? How's your head?”

”I don't know. I tried to get up and I felt nauseous, a little dizzy.”

”Let me call an ambulance. This is ridiculous.”

”No, don't. I'll be fine. Just give me a minute.”

Slowly, Linda tried to rise, easing her legs off the couch and gradually coming to a sitting position. ”Whew-okay. One second, then we'll try it.”

”Linda, this is really stupid. What if you faint and I drop you? It's a long way to the Jeep.”

”No, we're going to do this.”

I helped her up, supporting her under the arms as she attempted to come to her feet. Holding her tightly across the back and shoulders, I felt her legs shake from the effort to take her own weight.

”Are you sure you're okay? You're not going to pa.s.s out?”

”No. I'm okay.”

We carefully made our way out the front door and down the concrete walk to the driveway. Still holding Linda tightly, I struggled to open the car door. Finally, I managed to unlatch it and push it open with my knee. I stopped to take a breath, knowing this was one of the dumbest things I'd ever let Linda talk me into. ”Okay, can you get in the car?”

”Wait,” she said, and I could almost see the nausea roll over her deathly white face.

”G.o.d, Linda. What are we doing?”

She lifted one foot onto the floor of the Jeep, then reached up for the seat. Lifting and pus.h.i.+ng, I shoved her inside, then fastened her seat belt.

I scrambled to the driver's side, jammed the Jeep into reverse and backed onto the road. Linda groaned, then coughed, her head listing toward the window. I watched from the corner of my eye, experiencing a wave of panic so strong I felt close to pa.s.sing out myself.

I barely remember the drive to the hospital, but the look on my face must have been something because two orderlies rushed out to help me get Linda into the emergency room.

The doctor, a silver-haired gentleman with a dimple in his chin, seemed to take it all in stride. I watched as he went about his preliminary examination of Linda.

”She wouldn't let me call an ambulance,” I added quietly as the doctor held her chin up and s.h.i.+ned a small beamed instrument into her eye.

”And do you always do what your sister says?” he asked, never taking his eyes off his patient, who appeared too sick to say a word.