Chapter 37 (1/2)

Published

at 11th of September 2019 11:43:18 PM

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Yin Lin contacted me one week later . “Yan Xiao, this afternoon I’m bringing someone over to see you . I think you’ll want to meet her . ”

One week later I started dancing again .

Like in the past, a gaze from the shadows still fell on me as I danced . But it was no longer so possessive that I could practically feel it on me . These days, the gaze was light and fleeting like a cicada’s wings . When I concentrated on dancing, I couldn’t even notice it . Only when I turned my head would I see Yin Li there, standing silently .

However, when I earnestly started dancing I would forget my surroundings . When the music sounded and I pushed open the door to the studio, it was like I was opening a door to another world . I was silent while the music played, but my hands, feet, and every part of my limbs moved in harmony with the music and expressed the greatest joy . My feet were pointed—they were the hards.h.i.+p that I endured and the talent I was blessed with . Sometimes, I just wanted to dance, and during those times I had no regrets over my belongings and experiences .

But most of the time, I was unsatisfied with myself . Dance interprets a piece of music that has life to it, not some dead, lifeless beat . The dancer must use her heart to feel the music . Some movements must be prolonged and some must be shortened . I could never manage to master these nuances .

After ten days of practicing the same scene and not progressing, I shut myself in the studio and practiced alone . Yin Li quietly sat in the guest room . He didn’t say anything and gave me my s.p.a.ce . But I knew very well that two days prior he had donated a large amount of money to the orphanage to improve their food and dorms . These days, he had also started preparing a charity gala and adoption procedures for the orphans .

“I want to treat those children better . ” When I asked why, he was calm . “I’m not a philanthropist . It’s just that when I see those children, I think of your childhood . If you had met someone like me at that time, would you have wanted to disappear? Would you have experienced so much frustration and hards.h.i.+p?” Yin Li moved closer and rubbed my head . “I later went to the orphanage by myself . When those children looked at me, they seemed panicked . Yet they very clearly wanted to please me . When I sat down and asked them about their life, some children poured tea for me . Some even brought an ashtray and said not to mind them, allowing me to smoke . Then they split me a portion of their rationed fruit .

“They were all so sweet yet I could not help but feel that heart wrenching feeling . Being able to read others is a skill . But being able to do so at such a young age and to be so considerate is rather tragic . In what scenario would an ordinary child need to read others’ expressions? I thought perhaps you also felt that way and learned that skill in necessity . I just couldn’t sit there do nothing anymore . ”

I still remembered Yin Li’s expression when he said those words . He wasn’t fis.h.i.+ng for praise . He was just warm, kind, and solemnly respectful .

I quietly accepted his answer, but I pushed myself harder in practice . Wu Ke started instructing me again .

“Yan Xiao, look . In this scene where the swan dies, you dance with more depth than before . Before you were too gloomy; the swan’s despair and unwillingness before death was too exaggerated . Though it was emotionally moving, it was a bit superficial . But now, besides the grief there’s also the tenacity of life . The swan is tired and spent but it still flaps its wings, hoping to touch the sky . You’ve captured that desperation for life . ” Nowadays, Wu Ke was rewatching Frank’s recordings and comparing them to my current movements . Her evaluations were sharp and to the point .

“I think you don’t have to practice the scene in parts now . You can try running through Odette’s solo from start to finish . ” She smiled at me . “We can enter the compet.i.tion with this variation if you want .

“This is a prestigious compet.i.tion . Though you can ch.o.r.eograph your own scene, we are tight for time . Plus, you can’t go wrong with dancing a cla.s.sical piece . ” Just as Wu Ke finished talking, Yin Li entered . She then smiled and left .

I looked at Yin Li and saw that he had a container of food in his hands . It was probably slowly simmered soup prepared specially by the diet.i.tian .

“Don’t feel pressure . The compet.i.tion happens every year and there’s no need to be anxious . ” He spoke softly and pa.s.sed a spoon full of soup .

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I felt rather embarra.s.sed . “It’s me who wants to compete . It wasn’t Wu Ke’s idea . ” I drank the spoonful . “Madame Taylor will be on this year’s judging panel . She agrees to judge only once every five years on average . ”

And I didn’t have another five years to wait . A ballet dancer’s lifespan wasn’t that long . Ballet was a dance for the strong . It was demanding on the body and mind .

Yin Li understood my underlying meaning . “Even still, don’t push yourself too hard . Wu Ke even said that you’ve found your own interpretation of Odette . Don’t be too worried . I know you want to have your own stage and be recognized, especially by your teacher . It will happen . ”

“Yin Li, are you busy tonight?”

He was a bit surprised by this question but still shook his head .

“Then want to stay and watch me dance?”

Yin Li couldn’t even hide his smile . “Yes, I very much want to see . ”

That night when he saw me come out in my sequin-adorned white tutu and white satin shoes, he was awed . I wore my performance outfit, did my hair, and applied makeup .

I wanted him to see my best side . I wanted to dance for him and use my body to express my love . For him, I immersed myself in Odette’s dream . Every step I took was light and weightless like a swan’s . With the music, it was like I had become a swan—with a graceful long neck and glistening white feathers . Every curve my body outlined was delicate and beautiful, and there was that ice-cold n.o.ble yet elegant demeanor .

Odette’s movements were tender and carefree, capturing her youthful innocence . Afterall, she was a princess, even if only a prince’s love could save her . Odette and the prince’s meetings progressed naturally .

Odette was pure while Odile was evil . In the end, the prince would come to love Odette .

I spun slowly yet gracefully . My hands were my wings . The blinking of my eyes and the positioning of my head were like a bird’s . I wanted to capture the essence of a swan .

Yin Li fixed his gaze on me with a deep look in his eyes . But he was different from all other audience members . He wasn’t just watching Odette . He was peering through Odette’s outer sh.e.l.l and looking at me .

For some strange reason, I leapt and performed a move known to be Odile’s . This disrupted the harmony between the music and myself . I tried to combine Odette’s and Odile’s moves in an effort to save the performance . What started as an impulsive misstep ended in a beautiful conclusion .

After dancing Odile’s gentle movements, I leapt in the air with vigor . I smoothly transitioned from the grand jeté into Swan Lake’s famous 32 fouettes . In Swan Lake, Odile danced the fouettes when enticing the prince . They were intense, powerful, and emotional .

Before, I was afraid of attempting this move . It was extremely demanding on the feet . In a fouette, the standing foot could not move outside a narrow circle the circ.u.mference of your hips . You not only had to perform 32 fouettes, you also had to keep that standing foot within that narrow circle . All the while, you had to pay attention to the details of your dancing and bring all the elements together in one harmonious act .

Despite this, I apparently succeeded .

Thirty-two fouettes was the benchmark for a princ.i.p.al dancer . If a whole theater’s audience was before me right now, there would be endless resounding applause . However, I only had Yin Li . He didn’t clap . He just concentrated on me .

I recalled many memories, which flashed by . When I had practiced alone and finished a scene, I would take a bow towards the empty air . I had frequently fantasized the applause I would receive in the future . Then, I would confidently tell myself that I wanted that life . It would smother the darker doubts that had surfaced .

For what do I stand here?

In truth, it isn’t for the applause . In my loneliest times, what really pushed me to dance the next step wasn’t the antic.i.p.ated glory . It was gritting my teeth and staking it all . It was me .

However, Yin Li was present .