Chapter 18.2 (1/2)

Chapter 18.2

The quarreling stopped at once . Clutching the red, swollen half of her face, Yin Xuan glared at me with a pair of beautiful, teary eyes . Truthfully, their fight had revealed a large amount of information, so my heart was a huge, chaotic mess . But due to my good nature, I nevertheless crawled up off the floor . Then I lifted my head and explained, “Last night I drank a lot . I think the amount I drank was too much, so I ended up falling asleep in the closet . Only just now did I wake up . ”

Those who know too much will be silenced, it’s better for me to play dumb .

I hadn’t even fully explained myself before Yin Li squeezed me in a tight hug, cutting me off . He buried his head in the hollow of my neck . “Thank G.o.d you didn’t run off somewhere . ”

His embrace was very tight, and his back faced Yin Xuan . Consequently, I could see her expression very clearly . She was currently glaring at me with eyes full of bitter resentment . I seemed to feel a sort of déjà vu, as if I had seen her glare at me like this countless of times before .

Yin Li didn’t make a single mention of their previous conversation . He only released me and touched the imprints on my face from last night’s odd sleeping position . “Next time, it’s probably better for you not to drink . I won’t be able to search the entire house for you while feeling this anxious . ”

Yin Li rubbed away those imprints for me, and only then did he turn to address Yin Xuan . “You didn’t get any sleep last night, you must be tired . ”

The implicit meaning behind these words was clearly, “It’s about time you left . ” Yin Xuan obviously understood . Her whole face darkened with fury, she picked up her bag, turned, and strode off .

Only after the clicking of her high heels finally faded did Yin Li frown and rub his temples . His expression also revealing a sense of exhaustion .

I suddenly couldn’t suppress the feeling that, right now, I didn’t want to question him about anything either .

I’d always known that our love story was irrational, I knew it from the very beginning . A little voice in my head had constantly warned me that we weren’t compatible . Compared to the me who lacked anything of the past and anything in the present, Yin Li really had too much . From his countless displays of love and affection, I’d developed the firm conviction that he also loved me . Yet I couldn’t help but also continuously uncover layers and layers of suspicious things about the past . Those doubts and suspicions residing in the remnants of the past had gradually eroded everything until the sky above us was an empty ruin .

But love by nature is irrational and beyond reason . Right now, I too was still hopeless and didn’t want to leave him .

From his conversation with Yin Xuan, I could confirm that they had indeed played a part in my past . And furthermore, from their words it seemed that these memories weren’t fond at all . Rather, it seemed that it was the complete opposite; they were absolutely unbearable . Yin Xuan’s hatred for me also made me feel uneasy . What sort of person had I been in the past, to have elicited such visceral cursing? And what kind of role was Yin Li playing? Why had such a long time pa.s.sed after my car accident and amnesia, and even after I had posted so many missing person adverts, with no one trying to contact me? Why did the woman in that painting have the same exact face as me?

I feared that all of these things weren’t mere coincidence . I distinctly remembered Yin Li confidently telling me that Yin Xuan and I had never met . Yin Li was deceiving me . Or perhaps from the moment I opened my eyes on that hospital bed, a trap was waiting for me .

This realization made a chill spread over my whole body . Just a moment ago, I was immersed in the bliss of love and being proposed to . But now it was as if I’d been informed that everything was a merry illusion, like flowers in a mirror and the moon’s reflection in water . 1 So long as one took a step forward and reached a hand out to touch it, the illusion of happiness would burst like a bubble, immediately vanis.h.i.+ng away into nothingness without a trace .

1 The author uses the phrase 镜花水月 (flowers in a mirror, moon’s reflection in water) here, which has a similar meaning as “rose-tinted gla.s.ses” or seeing everything with an unrealistically positive view .

I stood, avoiding looking Yin Li in the eye . In a relaxed tone, I said, “Really, you shouldn’t feel the need to slap Yin Xuan just because she refuses to apologize to me . This kind of thing really hurts one’s ego . Besides, when you hit someone, you shouldn’t go for the face . I was sleeping so soundly in the closet until you guys woke me up with that slap . If she doesn’t like me, then so be it . It’s not like the person I’m marrying is her . ”

I ignored Yin Li’s expression . Pretending to be completely clueless about the contents of  their conversation, I yawned . “Sleeping in the closet made me sore all over . I’m going to lie on my bed and sleep some more, later in the afternoon I still have cla.s.s . ”

I don’t know if it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but it looked as if Yin Li’s frown smoothed out after hearing my words, his expression also relaxing a lot more . “This time I was in the wrong, my att.i.tude towards Yin Xuan was also a bit too irritated . In the past, I spoiled her too much . I’ll send you to school later . ”

I shook my head, refusing his offer . “It’s alright, I’m going with Wu Mei today . We just so happen to have a paper to discuss . ” My head was still suffering from a hangover, and I didn’t really want to face Yin Li right now . My inner thoughts were a complete mess . I truly just wanted to cool down by myself . Luckily, Yin Li didn’t continue to insist on this either .

I knew that my current cowardice towards my past was absolutely shameful . It was likely that Yin Li was a liar, and those loving gazes and romantic words of his were probably only props . But my feelings right now could only be described by using the Little Match Girl as a metaphor . Despite knowing perfectly well that those warm, sumptuous family dinners were merely an illusion created by striking a match at death’s door, she still yearned for that little bit of warmth and continued striking matches all the way until the end, when she died among her own fantasies .

From the car accident till now—from the despair of being unable to walk, to the panic and worry of confronting a strange world—only the time I’d spent with Yin Li like we were in love with each other had brought me happiness . As for the truth, I was utterly incapable of directing my thoughts that way .

My calm manner probably really did fool Yin Li into believing that I’d heard nothing and knew nothing . He only showed slightly more concern that usual about when I would be coming home in the afternoon . For the first time, he seemed to be a bit shy and nervous as he asked, “Can you come home a bit earlier tonight to keep me company for longer?”

I nodded .