Part 9 (2/2)
”At least it's not ordinary,” Torie said in an attempt to be kind.
Emma stared at her as Torie extended her hand. ”Nice to meet you, Lady Emma. In case you missed the introduction, I'm Torie Traveler. I had a couple of other last names, but I recently got rid of them and went back to the basics. Don't be offended when I tell you that you have terrible taste in men.” She dropped Emma's hand and turned on Kenny. ”You could have returned at least one of my phone calls, you sonovab.i.t.c.h.”
”Why? You'll just tell me I have to go to Wynette, and I don't want to go to Wynette right now.”
”Fine. You can ignore me until the wedding, then.”
”You and Phillip Morris tying the knot?” he asked.
”His name is Phillip Morrison, and you know very well that's not the wedding I'm talking about.”
”Things between you and Phillip didn't work out, I take it.”
”He wanted me to stop cussing and give him ten strokes.” She plopped one graceful hand on her hip. ”I swear I couldn't go through the rest of my life watching that golf swing of his without providing some semi-obscene commentary.”
”You broke up with him because you didn't like his swing?”
”That and the fact that he named his c.o.c.k.”
”Lots of men do that.”
”Yeah, but do they call it Barbie?”
Kenny sighed. ”You're making this up.”
”I wish I was.”
Emma couldn't stand it any longer, and she whirled on him. ”How did I get this tattoo!”
”You were dead set on it.”
”A flower! I wanted a small flower!”
”Not last night you didn't. And, honey, you should be thanking me instead of yelling because you also ordered up the Union Jack for your other arm. When I put my foot down about that, we had a rip-snortin' fight. I finally had to carry you out of the tattoo parlor kicking and screaming. I was afraid to take you back to the hotel, which is why you ended up here.”
Emma sagged down on the side of the bed. ”But I only had two margaritas. How could I lose my memory on two drinks?”
”Each one of them packed a pretty good wallop. And you don't seem to tolerate alcohol too well.”
She buried her head in her hands. ”Nothing's gone right since the moment I met you.”
”Which should pretty much give you a clue how the rest of your relations.h.i.+p's gonna progress,” Torie said, heading toward the mirror to check her hair. ”Kenny has a not-so-secret aversion to intimacy brought on by an unhealthy early relations.h.i.+p with our late, unlamented mother.”
”Will you shut up!”
Torie fluffed her bangs. ”He bounces back and forth between bimbos, because they're safe, and real women with actual brains, because that's the type he naturally prefers. But the key word here is bounce bounce. He's pretty much the Bermuda Triangle when it comes to committed relations.h.i.+ps. Count yourself lucky if you figure that out early on.”
”Will you get the h.e.l.l out of here!” He spoke before Emma had a chance to clarify their relations.h.i.+p.
”Not till you promise to come back to Wynette. Daddy's planning to hold the wedding while you're on suspension so he can make sure you'll be there.”
”You just said you and Phillip broke up.”
”You know exactly what I'm talking about! My wedding to that dweeb Dexter O'Conner.”
”When are you going to figure out that they can't have a wedding without your cooperation?” He whipped the towel from around his neck and tossed it aside.
”That's easy to say, but Daddy's putting a lot of pressure on me. He's given me thirty days to get Dexter's ring on my finger or he's canceling my charge cards. Then how am I going to pay my feed bill?”
”He's bluffing.” Kenny headed into his walk-in closet.
”Not this time.” Her voice grew small and discouraged. ”Maybe I should just marry Dexter.” She gave a self-deprecating laugh. ”That and getting divorced are about the only things I do really well.”
”Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
”Do you think I'd even consider it if I wasn't desperate?” she retorted angrily. ”Those emus are getting bigger all the time, and it costs a fortune to feed them. Daddy's been complaining about it for a while, but he hasn't threatened to cut me off until now.”
”If you'd sent those birds to that great big emu pasture in the sky like I told you, this wouldn't have happened.”
”I couldn't do that, and you know it!
Emma was temporarily distracted from her own misery. ”Emus?”
”They look exactly like ostriches that have been dipped in chimney soot,” Kenny explained. ”The most b.u.t.t-ugly bird you've ever seen.”
”They are not!” Torie protested. Then she shrugged. ”All right. Maybe they aren't too attractive, but they're sweet.”
”And therein lies the problem,” Kenny drawled. ”My sister, the genius entrepreneur, got sucked into the emu craze a few years back when people started hearing about how they could make a fortune raising the birds because they didn't take up much land and there was going to be a huge market for emu products.”
”I needed to be self-supporting so I could get out of my marriage,” Torie interrupted. ”And their oil has exceptional healing properties. It's used to treat injuries in the NFL. Plus, emu meat has more protein, half the calories, and less fat than beef, but it tastes exactly the same.”
”How would you know, since you've never eaten a bite of emu in your life?”
”Someday.”
He snorted. ”Unfortunately, the emu market has been slow to materialize. Not that it would have made much difference to my sister because the few times she's had a chance to sell one or two of her birds for meat, she's refused to do it.”
She turned to Emma. ”Whenever I thought about having them slaughtered, my face broke out. I tried to sell breeding pairs, but n.o.body's buying these days.”
”Now she's stuck with feeding a growing herd of emus n.o.body wants.”
”It's sort of an existentialist nightmare.” She gave a deep sigh, then the corner of her mouth quirked. ”On the other hand, life always has its bright side, and at least I don't have a tattoo of the Lone Star on my arm.”
Emma glanced down at the horrific tattoo and shuddered. She would have to wear long sleeves for the rest of her life.
Her muzzy head, the trauma of the tattoo, and the sheer force of Torie's invasion into Kenny's bedroom had kept her from processing the real content of their conversation, but now she began to absorb it. ”Are you saying your father is trying to force you into marrying someone you dislike?”
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