Part 6 (1/2)
Chapter 9.
Rhiannon.
”How is work going?” Amanda asked. As we wandered through a boutique in Malibu, Amanda reached out and caressed a long skirt with a fuchsia floral print.
”That would look nice with your skin,” I said as I followed her around the shop. Clothes didn't really interest me, but Amanda was my close friend. I wanted to spend time with her. Our friends.h.i.+p was the kind that, even though we'd not seen each for years, we were able to pick up as if I'd never left L.A.
”I can't seem to concentrate,” I said.
Amanda turned to me and her eyes held a question. ”Has this happened before?”
I shook my head no. ”I can picture what I want to paint, but when I sit, I just stare at my canvas. All that comes are the most horrible paintings. I loathe them. I feel so ... I feel so rudderless in my work.”
Amanda exited the shop into the suns.h.i.+ne and I followed her. She slipped on her sungla.s.ses, as did I. ”What is the focus of the new series?”
”I wanted to do Venice Beach, but it won't come. The pictures simply won't come to me.”
”Maybe with Gayle and her leg and then coming back to Los Angeles? Maybe you're simply overwhelmed by all the changes.”
I could hear the words she wasn't speaking. I wondered if she knew that Sterling had stayed with me. That he'd left me aching and wanting him.
”Sterling's place in Venice is beautiful. I'm certain he was sincere when he told you that he'd show you around. Perhaps being in Venice would help get rid of this block you're experiencing.
”Maybe,” I said. ”But I don't want to leave Mama right now. She's very independent, but I love taking care of her. Especially after being away for so long.”
We walked into another boutique, this one filled with baby clothes. Amanda lifted a tiny sailor suit. ”Isn't this adorable!” she cooed.
”Oh my goodness, Amanda, are you?”
”Me? Oh no, no.” She smiled and said, ”I mean we haven't even had the wedding yet. The timing would be off and-”
”Those things don't always wait for the right time,” I said. ”Sometimes they simply happen.”
Amanda turned to me and tilted her head to the side. ”Do you think you'll have children?” We strolled out of the shop.
”I don't know,” I said. ”Once upon a time I would have said yes. But now, with my painting and everything ... Besides, I'd like to find love first.”
”Yes, love,” she said and her thoughts drifted away. I knew she wanted to ask me questions, to dig deeper than she was. But she was a Legend and they often chose to say the right things instead of the true things; it was safer for them. We wandered past the shops and toward the outdoor play area near the boutique. We found a spot on a bench where we could watch the children playing.
”I still have feelings for Sterling,” I said simply.
”Yes.” A small smile drifted onto Amanda's face. ”I was quite certain that you did. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”
I settled my elbow onto the back of the park bench and rested my chin on my fisted hand. ”There's simply so much history between your family and mine. Plus, before, when we were teenagers, the way I left and when I left ...” My gaze met Amanda's gaze. There was sadness in her face. I was so concerned about Sterling's heart and thinking about how I'd made him feel that I'd forgotten he was not the only Legend I'd left behind at the end of that summer. Her eyes were wet.
”Oh, Amanda,” I said and reached my arm around her shoulders, ”I know I left you, too. I'm sorry, it's not, I mean you were my best friend, you still are.”
She swiped at the tears that fell from her eyes and a smile trembled across her face. ”I know. I mean, I knew then you had to leave and I understood and of course we kept in contact, it's just ...” She looked out at the children sliding down the slide. ”You and Maeve were the closest thing I had to sisters and then you left just as Mom died.” Amanda shook her head. Her bottom lip trembled. ”I remember it felt like too much. But I had Gayle. I don't know what might have happened if I hadn't had Gayle.”
”Good old Gayle,” I spoke fondly of my mom.
A smile broke across Amanda's face with my teasing tone.
”You really are lucky to have her,” Amanda said. ”I know she has strong opinions, but she always has our best interests at heart.”
I nodded. Yes, my mother did have strong opinions.
”She protected us when Daddy was a mess and we were a mess and I think”-her eyes met mine-”I think perhaps I didn't know it then, but I may know it now, I think maybe her life was a mess and yours and Maeve's and Tom's and not just because of what was going on with you and Sterling.”
I pressed my lips together. Secrets. Family secrets that we'd never discussed. My heart felt heavy. Did I want to say the words and reveal to Amanda what I knew to be true? Should I tell Amanda the real reason my mother lived in Malibu and my father lived in Dublin? Amanda was right, the primary reason Papa fled, and I felt the need to go with him, wasn't just the heat of my relations.h.i.+p with Sterling, nor the fear of what that relations.h.i.+p so fast, so intense, so physical could do to a fifteen-year-old girl and a seventeen-year-old boy. There were multiple reasons and, at the time, there seemed to be only one solution-the solution being we had to leave, to go away. Either that or watch our family disintegrate into the chaos we'd been witness to with the Legends.
”Sterling wasn't the only reason I left.”
The pain of what had happened to my parents drifted into my heart. I tried not to think about the dissolution of their marriage, the end of their love and the demise of their trust for one another. While Steve and Joanne Legend fought, hurled the crystal, and engaged in shouting matches, I'd only once seen my parents yell at each other. Then after the yelling there'd been the diagnosis, the illness, the leaving, and the death. Joanne Legend was like my mother's sister. They carried each other in their hearts as though they were family. Which only made Joanne's betrayal all the more painful and all the more difficult. Everyone expected betrayal and narcissism from Steve. It was his way. But Joanne had always seemed almost regal and above Steve's baser and coa.r.s.er instincts.
”It was my mother, wasn't it?” Amanda whispered. ”My mother caused you to leave.”
I looked at the children shrieking and playing and running with laughter on their lips. How could I ever admit the truth to either Amanda or Sterling?
Sterling ”Dude, why do you have to f.u.c.k with one of my biggest money-makers?” Webber stood across from me in the living room.
”Beer?” I asked and pulled open the fridge. I grabbed two Stellas and handed one to Webber.
”You cannot ply me with booze,” Webber said. ”My clients can be bought, but not me. What the f.u.c.k, man? You go directly to Jennifer Laredo? Without so much as a phone call? You know she's up for two gigs right now, one at Worldwide and one at Galaxy. Both have profit partic.i.p.ation and will pay her twenty-five mil.”
”Webber, she and Cami are friends.”
”Friends? If you call f.u.c.k-buddies friends, then okay.”
”They're gay?” I took a pull of my beer. ”Jennifer is gay?”
”Who the f.u.c.k knows? I think curious is the appropriate word. She dates guys, she dates girls, she won't date me,” Webber said. ”I've asked.” He sucked on his beer. He stopped pacing and leaned against the back of the couch.
”The Lady's Regret is a great script,” I said.
”Why do you want to f.u.c.k with my bottom line like this? Huh? Couldn't you go to Selena or Emma Stone? Anyone but Jennifer. Man, she is hot right now, and she's all over this project. This f.u.c.king little project that has all the risk and absolutely no upside.”
”There's an upside,” I countered. ”She could get nominated.”
”And monkeys could fly outta my a.s.s. Come on, Sterling!” Webber punched his fist in the air. ”You are going to pay her s.h.i.+t to play this emotionally charged role that if she doesn't nail will f.u.c.k her in the marketplace, and you are giving her a female director who has only got two films under her belt.”
”Cami is a solid shooter.”
”Solid, yes. But enough to get Jennifer nominated? Who the f.u.c.k knows? There's only one female director who has ever won an Academy Award. Hurt Locker, man, it is the only one.”