Part 11 (1/2)
”Why?” she asked. ”Can't you tell me what's wrong?”
”Do you really want to know?” he asked in a goaded tone, frustration and desire so hotly mingled that his body was in agony. ”All right, why not? You're a big girl now. This is what's wrong with me, Ivy.”
He threw off the sheet.
Her lips parted on words she couldn't speak. He was totally aroused, so blatantly that even a virgin couldn't have missed it. He was trembling faintly, too, and his eyes were gray and glittery in his drawn, dark face.
”Oh, Ryder,” she whispered helplessly, and the dark, soft eyes that looked at him were openly wors.h.i.+ping, not afraid or even embarra.s.sed. It was, she thought dazedly, impossible to be embarra.s.sed at the sight of so beautiful a man.
”G.o.d!” He sat up, turning away from her with his head in his hands. ”G.o.d, I must be mad! I'm sorry. Go away, honey, will you?”
She moved forward, unbearably touched by his pain. She sat down beside him, her cool fingers hesitant as they touched his arm.
His head jerked around and he looked at her as if he didn't believe she was still there.
”Lie down, Ryder,” she whispered, her voice unsteady. She didn't know exactly what to do, but she had a pretty good idea. She couldn't walk away and leave him like this, even if he hated her for it when he was himself again.
”What?” he burst out, disbelieving.
She pushed at his shoulders, coaxing him onto his back, his silvery eyes astonished. She didn't meet them. Her head bent and she touched her mouth hesitantly to his hair-roughened chest while her other hand slid down his flat belly.
He cried out harshly, his voice throbbing, and his hands caught her hair. ”Ivy...for G.o.d's sake...no!”
She didn't stop, though. Her trembling fingers found him, touched him, a little intimidated by the sheer power of his body. Her lips drifted over his taut skin, the hair at his waist tickling her face, while her hand stroked.
”No...” he groaned, s.h.i.+vering.
”Teach me how,” she whispered without looking at him, and she kept on. He was vulnerable, and she'd never been less frightened in her life than she was right now.
”Ivy!” His voice broke, but her touch had an inevitable effect on his reserve. His hand guided hers, his body reacting with shattering need, the shudders racking him now. She felt him tremble under her mouth, heard his tortured breathing as he tutored her.
When he convulsed, crying out in ecstasy, she forced her embarra.s.sed eyes to lift, to look at him. It was incredible. Even in their most intimate moments, Ben had never looked like...that! She might have thought he was dying if she hadn't known better. He pulsed in her grasp, helpless, blind, deaf, to anything but the pleasure that almost made him pa.s.s out.
When the spasms pa.s.sed, she left him to find a damp cloth and a towel. He lay just as she'd left him while she drew the warm cloth over him with exquisite tenderness, her heart beating fiercely in the aftermath of what she'd shared with him.
His dark eyes opened, faintly accusing, almost incredulous. He was still trembling.
”Are you all right?” she whispered softly.
”Yes.” He caught her free hand and drew its palm hungrily to his mouth. ”Thank you!” he whispered feverishly, his voice still husky with pleasure.
”I'm sorry I was so clumsy,” she said hesitantly. ”I've... well, I've never...”
His eyes searched hers. ”Not even for him?”
She knew he meant Ben. She shook her head shyly. Her eyes glanced off the curiosity in his and down to his broad, bare chest with its thicket of hair. ”Ryder, could I ask you something...well, something personal?”
”What do you want to know?” he asked softly.
”What happened to you, just now...” she began hesitantly, her wide eyes meeting his. ”What does it feel like?” she asked in a subdued whisper.
He scowled. ”You were married. Don't you know?”
She paused, then with a sigh, she shook her head.
He sat up, his dark eyes holding hers at an unnerving proximity. What he asked then was blunt and to the point.
She blushed. Even Ben had never asked her something so intimate. ”No.”
”Did he know?”'
”Oh, yes,” she replied. ”He said that I was frigid.” She moved restlessly. ”It was so uncomfortable,” she murmured, wincing. ”And sometimes, it hurt awfully!”
His lean, beautiful hands framed her face and made her look at him. ”Did he never do to you what you just did to me, to make it easier for you?”
”I don't understand,” she said.
He couldn't believe what she was saying. All that beauty, all that innocent sensuality, and it had never been tapped. In every real respect, she was untouched. His hungry eyes went over her soft oval face with its big black eyes dominating it, her silky black hair falling around her bare shoulders, around the firm thrust of her beautiful b.r.e.a.s.t.s. He had to drag his mind back.
”How long did it take him?” he asked bluntly.
”Ryder!”
”I have to know,” he said softly. ”Trust me.”
She averted her eyes. ”I don't know. Not long. He was always in a hurry....”
”Less than five minutes?” he asked through his teeth, his face rigid.
”Well...” She swallowed. ”Yes.”
He sighed heavily. ”My G.o.d,” he said.
”I thought I loved him,” she said. ”But I didn't want him,” she said miserably. ”I had no idea how it would be to live with him, feeling that way.”
He tilted her face up to his. ”I want to give you what you gave me,” he said quietly. ”Will you let me?”
She colored. ”You don't have to...”
”You asked me how it felt,” he said, his voice deep and slow. He drew her onto the bed and eased her down on the sheet, her dark hair waving around her flushed face like a halo. ”I'm going to show you.”
”Ryder...” she protested nervously, pus.h.i.+ng both hands against his hard, bare chest, feeling the thick hair crisp under her fingers.
”It's all right,” he coaxed. ”I don't have anything to use, so intercourse is out of the question. It won't hurt you, either.”
She felt his breath on her parted lips as he bent. ”Don't men usually have...something to use?” she asked nervously.
He smiled against her trembling mouth. ”Ivy, I haven't had a woman for almost two years,” he whispered. ”Why should I bother to keep anything?”
”You haven't...?”