Part 10 (2/2)

Matt sat next toabout what he would say He toldup and saying that John was a flawed iveness He thought about announcing his forgiveness But maybe the silence was more suitable

My brother Russell eventually stepped up and started speaking It seemed like he was up there ood to share His words were cautious and faintly praising He said, ”John was a good provider” But, I wondered, of what?

After

After the service, everyone filed out the front doors of the church and we each said hello to the priest and shook his hand So to be an open casket and a chance for people to see ot the feeling that people felt aard about it and didn't want to ask if the casket could be opened There was an anticli everyone filed out the front doors of the church and we each said hello to the priest and shook his hand So to be an open casket and a chance for people to see ot the feeling that people felt aard about it and didn't want to ask if the casket could be opened There was an anticli

Before the service, Matt, Russell, Mark, and I had to carry the casket from the hearse into the church, and noe had to carry it back out It was heavier than I thought it would be and the handles felt like they were ers uncoive us, the kids, one lastout the heavy one with crappy handles

With Dad back in the hearse, we gathered on the church steps to figure out as driving hom to the cemetery Then Moh I was holding her hand, she fell aardly on her side Soet her up and she said she was okay, just clumsy

A short line of cars followed the hearse out to the ce and the wind began whipping around like it does in a desert city At the cerave I hadn't brought a jacket and I was pretty cold I could barely hear the last foret back in my car I saw the backhoe behind the crowd, behind a tree, like it was an aniht, a bunch of the fa sense of shame that ent to such a cheerful place Its peppy waitstaff gave the illusion that the world is a fair and happy place and no one ever dies bunch of the fa sense of shame that ent to such a cheerful place Its peppy waitstaff gave the illusion that the world is a fair and happy place and no one ever dies

I sat next to my cousin Terry, who is about ten years older thanin Portland and said he soo to bookstores He was a history teacher at a high school in Walla Walla and had a room in his house just for his library There aren't too many people in my family whom you'd call literary, so I was excited to have someone to talk books with The conversation soon turned to fah We played connect the dots with the bloodline His mom was my dad's sister, Evelyn, who had spent ti treated for psychosis at the sa shock treatments His dad was so dealer as shot and killed in their front yard when he was a little boy

He askedup with John?” I could tell he knew the ansasn't going to be good, and I could also tell that he had his own opinions to share

”It was kind of crappy,” I offered

He nodded and said, ”I used to go to your place a lot when you guys were little and I just wondered how you guys dealt with him He was a bastard”

I ordered another Spanish coffee and we talkedsoftly and pretending that Dad's life was saintly ”It's nice to know that there's someone here who isn't full of shi+t,” I said to Terry I was actually starting to feel like Dad's death would become a reason for the family to open up more After all, if there's so, it can be stifling for everyone involved Terry toldto visit my dad a few times with his mom This was a couple of years before I was born, when Matt was a baby and Mo in some kind of motel out by the airport in Kennewick and there were Playboy Playboys scattered around One day, after hearing that he didn't get a job that he'd been hoping for, Dad got so angry that he trashed the place, knocking holes in the walls and breaking furniture He grabbed a gun and went outside and shot bullets into the hard ground

Matt heard us talking about Dad and joined in the conversation Soon ere joking and laughing about his spazzy te Matt and I tried to remember the exact order of f-words and other swears when he se down the stairs It's the closest we got to a eulogy

Hotel

That night, I stayed in a hotel roohts out, falling asleep, when Russell said, ”I was surprised to hear how negatively you spoke of your dad today” He s he heard at the restaurant stayed in a hotel roohts out, falling asleep, when Russell said, ”I was surprised to hear how negatively you spoke of your dad today” He s he heard at the restaurant

At first I thought he was going to scolda father he was I talked calmly for fifteen minutes about all the reasons In a way, Russell reminds me of Dad, so I wasn't sure whose side he would take

I was surprised to hear his I listened to Russell's voice in the dark and could feel the pain in the air around us I had always thought of Russell as the serious-minded, conservative, military, older brother, but now I could see that he was vulnerable too I told hiood father and he told s he, too, learned as a father He had a son naer, with a wo When the relationshi+p ended, he let her take his son Now, after years of having not talked to him, he had no idea where his son was

After he lost contact with his son, Russell fell in love with a Korean woman and e, a son and a daughter, and Russell becae, his as in a car accident and was paralyzed She's been in a wheelchair ever since They went back and forth fro relationshi+p But still, I got the feeling that Russell was regretful about not staying in touch with his son

We talked for a couple of hours and then fell asleep At five in the et up to catch a flight I stayed in bed, half-asleep, and said good-bye to his in the hallway and stood in the doorway ”Well, it was really good to talk to you,” he said ”And I want you to know that I love you and I'm proud of you”

”Golden Child”

My brother Mark, the ”golden child,” is the only one in the family that has never lived outside the Tri-Cities I think about how soul-crushi+ng that must be The few times he has driven Moo anywhere or to explore the city It's as if nothing interests him When any of our relatives visit the Tri-Cities, he usually disappears and does not answer his phone I have noticed that just in the past couple of years, lasses are usually dirty and broken His bedroom, across from the bathroom in Mos that have been taken apart, Budweiser posters, and weird s if he speaks beyond a few olden child,” is the only one in the family that has never lived outside the Tri-Cities I think about how soul-crushi+ng that must be The few times he has driven Moo anywhere or to explore the city It's as if nothing interests him When any of our relatives visit the Tri-Cities, he usually disappears and does not answer his phone I have noticed that just in the past couple of years, lasses are usually dirty and broken His bedroom, across from the bathroom in Mos that have been taken apart, Budweiser posters, and weird s if he speaks beyond a fewat Dad's funeral

The Day After

The day after the funeral, Mom wanted to have so boys-Russell, Matt, and me Gary did not come to the funeral and wasn't at our fa in Ohio and working as a truck driver I haven't seen hi the rest of the family as well the funeral, Mom wanted to have so boys-Russell, Matt, and me Gary did not come to the funeral and wasn't at our fa in Ohio and working as a truck driver I haven't seen hi the rest of the family as well

I drove Mom to the new Sonic drive-in that opened down the street froinable chain store or restaurant has opened up in the Tri-Cities since Iglut of consurowth

We ordered root beer floats and sat in my car and talked about Dad This is when she told me about her first husbands and how abusive they were She explained more details about Matt's dad She talked about Elinda and why she was sent to Medical Lake and how she got pregnant there Then she told me what happened between Elinda and Dad

I sat with her for about three hours, holding her hand and listening to this flood of infors that weren't talked about when I was growing up Stories kept from us kids

When ere ready to leave, I tried to start hts on the whole time I walked around and asked people in the other cars if they had jumper cables, but nobody did Finally I asked one of the roller-skating servers and they brought out a battery charger After a quick zap, the car started right up and we drove off, e Room

The first time I went to visit Elinda after the funeral hen she had to get really married more than twenty years before But it turned out, as I mentioned earlier, that Elinda hadn't been officially divorced from her first husband yet She found this out when her first husband passed aith the old divorce papers, unprocessed, still in his possession I went to visit Elinda after the funeral hen she had to get really married more than twenty years before But it turned out, as I mentioned earlier, that Elinda hadn't been officially divorced from her first husband yet She found this out when her first husband passed aith the old divorce papers, unprocessed, still in his possession

I drove to Oly at the courthouse Mo with a dozen other friends and relatives of Chris's When Elinda sawhug and said, ”Look, everyone My baby brother!”

During the cereh all the various oaths Elinda fidgeted and complained, ”I just wanted to say 'I do'”

”Well, okay then,” the judge stammered