Part 1 (1/2)

A Coraphy

A Memoir

by Kevin Sampsell

Author's Note

Some parts of this memoir were previously published in 2003 as a lie book, also called this memoir were previously published in 2003 as a liraphy A Coraphy It ritten as a kind ofof recollections from my small-town youth Many people who read it told me they wanted to read nettes, even though I wasn't sure if I would actually publish a longer version of the book

Then, in March 2008, ton, for his funeral I was there for four days, looking through dusty boxes of photos, letters, documents, and odd memorabilia There was no room for me to sleep at my mom's house so one of my older brothers, Russell, let me stay with him in a nearby hotel room Russell, and most of the other relatives ere in town for the funeral, are people I don't know very well Russell and Gary are ,up I stayed up late with Russell onstories I'd never heard before

That night, and the following day whenprivate conversation, I discovered disturbing threads of my family history and realized I needed to write about theh it started as a book about et a wider view I conducted intervieith my mom, brothers, and, perhaps most is other people would not want to face In sohts and feelings of those people This is not conjecture on h these interviews

Introduction

In August 2008, I had a panic attack that forcedI was startled aith the feeling of so me down in bed I was inat his ht I looked around my bedroom as my eyes adjusted to the dark My closet door was open, and a heap of dirty laundry was spilling out of it I felt like so me, ready to hurt me Maybe it was my father I tried to yell or scream, but I couldn't fill my throat with air and the sound came out hoarse and hollow like it does sometimes when I have bad dreams

I kicked the blankets off and pushed hts and cautiously looked around ht about getting back in bed but I couldn't go back into the bedroo someone, but I didn't want to wake anyone up Plus, my phone was in the bedroom I felt trapped and decided that I needed to leave o back into the bedroorab some clothes I made myself speak, to see if anyone else was there and also to simply break the dull silence ”Hey,” I said And then louder, ”Hey!”

There was a short echo that brought more panic into ot in my car and started it I didn't have my phone, my wallet, or any clothes I drove around the quiet streets for a while A few ti sloith their headlights on, sipping coffee fros, half asleep and unaware that a scared, naked man debated whether or not to plow into them with his car like a o to a hospital If you go to an eency rooo to my friend Lynne's house She woke up, dazed and probably wondering if she was drea and whippingup on ave me an anxiety pill She coveredher, as if giving her instructions, ”The books [this book and an anthology I was editing] are on my computer My will is in one ofin an ocean, losing a long battle

When I got into the tubto find so and crying uncontrollably I felt possessed by a demon, both awful and sad Maybe this, six host said, You haven't grieved for rieved for rieve for hi to ton Street

Dad caht upstairs to the bedroo to throw everything into the et mad when the house wasn't clean His broork shoe tapped the side of our sined the traffic on our busy street, dodging our piles of clothes, destroying our dressers, spraying chunks of broken dishes everywhere and went straight upstairs to the bedroo to throw everything into the et mad when the house wasn't clean His broork shoe tapped the side of our sined the traffic on our busy street, dodging our piles of clothes, destroying our dressers, spraying chunks of broken dishes everywhere

Matt and I had grass stains fro Nerf football all day There was a bowl ofnext to my bed, near a pile of clothes and some comics

This kind of scenario happened est Two of my older brothers lived there in the house still, but all the others-two half brothers who seeh similar emotions and trials already They were free soun sounded, Matt ran ahead of me with the other kids who filled the park I could tell they were all excited, yelling into the wet spring air The sky was speckled with birds and high dark clouds I ran the other way, back toward home sounded, Matt ran ahead of me with the other kids who filled the park I could tell they were all excited, yelling into the wet spring air The sky was speckled with birds and high dark clouds I ran the other way, back toward hoot to the house, Moood reason My brother came in the side door with his homemade Supers and chocolate candies It was the first tiht Kenneas the ideal place to grow up Of course, this was before I even sahere else was the ideal place to grow up Of course, this was before I even sahere else

My favorite attraction was the Cable Bridge I remember the kind of awe and joy that only an eleven-year-old can e opened for traffic in 1978, it seemed ale in the country Dad drove our family across on the first day it opened My other brother who still lived in the house, Mark, ith Matt and me in the backseat We craned our necks to look out the backand watched the cables slanting to the high colue We didn't have any tall buildings or other interesting structures at all in the Tri-Cities and this first i It e in San Francisco, which I knew only froe, which connects Kennewick to Pasco, was the coolest thing I'd ever seen in person It was a majestic backdrop for the yearly hydroplane races, which were also a source of hometown pride, as they were supposedly the second most well-attended hydroplane events in the country

The only other interesting creation in the area was the Wet 'n Wild water park, which opened up by the Coluer It also had so national attractions It supposedly had the third longest water slides in the country Going down those slippery tubes rubbed the hair off my calves and made my body feel like it was full of static electricity Then I had to wait in line for a long ti, until I was back at the top The lifeguards there were always too cool to look at anyone They kept their eyes set on a particular curve of the slide and then waved their hand lazily, signaling the sliders to go For some reason, it was closed down a few years later and then eventually demolished to make room for a car dealershi+p

Elinda

Elinda is my mother's first child, born in 1946 mother's first child, born in 1946

Elinda's father ithher and then disappearing for a long time after he was sent away for an armed robbery in Great Falls, Montana

Shortly after that, Moot htmares about him, even after Mom had two children with hiot divorced when Elinda was five

My dad came into the picture in 1956 He wanted to help Mo to provide for theles, he wanted to have his own children My brother Mark was born in 1960

When Elinda was a little girl, she would often daydreaht she was mentally retarded, or, as they called it back then, ”feeble with her own health concerns She was epileptic and would have seizures quite often, shaking the whole house, scaring the kids, and waking up unsure of as happening to her It took several years and several treatht medicine to stop the attacks

When er, she was sent to Medical Lake, a psychiatric hospital, froht pounds Two years later, she weighed two hundred She becaht shock treatments After each treatment, she would sit somewhere and wonder, Why can't I think? Why can't I think?

She was sexually active in the hospital and beca sex with one of the other inet married to this person and have a life outside of the hospital with him, but when she had the baby, a healthy boy, the hospital officials deemed her unfit to be a mother The child was immediately taken from her before she could see it