Part 12 (1/2)
”Ree, think about that. That's two round trips, two hours on the road that Icould spend with the boy. Does that really make sense?”
Instead of answering, she s.h.i.+fted her gaze to the window. He didn't need thewords to know what was going on inside her. She was frustrated and a littlepanicky. His lady was only safe when she was in control. The lists she madeand checked and then checked again, the separate savings account she'dinsisted on keeping when they were married, the need to weigh everydecision-they ordered a world that the child in her still expected to shatterinto chaos. So he'd let her organize big chunks of his life as well as hers.But not all.
”Trust me on this,Ree .” His words were just shy of pleading. ”My gut tellsme this is what Jimmy needs.”
”I don't think I've had enough wine to deal with this,” she muttered, takinganother sip.
”Give it some time to settle in.”
She slanted him a look that had him fighting a need to grin. ”Good idea. I'lllet you know in twenty years.”
”Honey, I'd give you that and more, but I think this is a decision that has...o...b.. made tonight.”
”Why tonight?” she demanded, her chin up a little more than usual.
Instead of answering, he glanced at the sleeping bag he'd propped against thefireplace. Watching her, he saw the exact moment when she made the connection.
”I was afraid you'd say that.”
She took a gulp of wine, then licked a stray drop from her lower lip with thetip of her tongue. His body reacted with a hot, hard speed.
”Even with twin beds it would never work,” she declared in a tight voice.”Sharing a bedroom is too ... intimate. We wouldn't have any privacy. Besides,you sleep in the nude.”
”So?”
She frowned, then exhaled a little puff of air. ”So we were always great inbed. It wouldn't be long before we'd start remembering that.”
Remember. He'd just spent two and half years trying to forget, with about asmuch luck as that tired old s...o...b..ll in h.e.l.l.
”I won't deny I want to sleep with you,Ree . I do. So bad it's making me alittle crazy. But I'm handling it and I'll keep on handling it. You have myword I won't crowd you.”
Yes, you will,Ria thought as she smiled again at the cat he'd brought home toher for tending.
His mere presence crowded her. Seeing the way his eyes lit an instant beforehe smiled at her in that special way crowded her. The brush of his hand whenhe'd handed her the wine or guided her through the restaurant. Most of all,her memories crowded her. Sweet, special moments like the time he'd come homewith a bruised jaw after a dust-up with a whacked-out addict to find herhuddled in the middle of their bed, terrified that the spotting she was havingwas the beginning of a miscarriage.
He'd held her for hours, rubbing her back until she fell asleep. He was stillawake the next morning, still holding her, his eyes glazed with exhaustion.And then he'd told her how proud he was of her.
She humbled him with her courage, he'd told her, his voice reverent.
Her heart had tumbled then. It tumbled now.
Steeling herself, she brought her gaze back to his. ”I don't know why I'meven bothering to argue,” she said, smiling a little to signal her surrender.”We both knew I'd agree before we even started this discussion. I'll dowhatever it takes to bring my son back to me.” She closed her eyes for a longmoment, gathering strength.
”Ree, it'll work out. We both love Jimmy enough to keep whatever resentmentswe have private.”
One side of her mouth slanted as she let her eyes drift open again. ”I don'tresent you, Grady,” she said softly. ”It would have been so much easier if Icould.”
”I wouldn't blame you. I was a jerk.” He glanced away, then almostreluctantly it seemed, brought his gaze back to hers. His shoulders eased. ”Icouldn't stand coming home empty-handed every night, so I ran. It was probablythe stupidest mistake I've made in a long line of mistakes.” His smile wasfleeting, but still potent, she realized when she felt a familiar littleflurry in her chest. ”I've had a lot of lonely days and nights to regret it.”
Lonely?
She felt a splash of cold on her bare thigh and realized she'd tipped thegla.s.s. Hastily, she wiped at the spill with two fingers, then licked themoisture from her fingertips. Glancing up, she caught the flash of somethinghot and needy in his eyes.
The ivory walls she'd painted herself suddenly seemed to pull in closer untilshe was aware of her own suddenly erratic breathing. It had been so long sinceshe'd felt like a woman. So long since she'd felt his long, hair-roughenedlegs tangling with hers on sheets hot and slick with their shared pa.s.sion, solong since she'd thrilled to feel that magnificently male body pressing herinto the mattress while his thickly engorged arousal thrust possessivelyinside her, making them one.
Desire uncurled inside her, an insistent, hungry feeling in hidden placesonly he knew. She wanted him, and it was useless to pretend otherwise. b.u.t.that would only stir up all the misery she'd oh-so slowly put behind her.
”Don't, Grady,” she said in strained vice. ”You're making a.n.a.lready-difficult situation worse.”
His mouth slanted into the wry, self-mocking grin that was as much a defenseas it was a weapon. ”Why not go for broke?” He leaned forward, his body astense as a predator about to make his move. But it was the fierce look in hiseyes that kept her from moving so much as a muscle.
”It's a whole lot more than s.e.x,Ria , what I feel when I look at you. I fellin love with you the first time I saw you, and I'm still in love with you.I've tried every way I know how to shake free, but you're dug in deep. I'dgive half the life remaining to me to wake up every morning next to you. Witha ring on your finger or without, you're mine. You'll always be mine.”
He stood suddenly, surprising her into a soft, gasping breath. ”Now I'm goingfor a run and cool-off before I do something I'll spend the next fifty yearsregretting. When I come back, we'll figure out what happens next.”
On the way to the door he grabbed the Lafayette SWAT cap he'd tossed onto achair. He jammed it on his head and kept going. An instant later, the doorclicked shut behind him.
It had been an hour since Grady had dumped his bombsh.e.l.l on her. As soon a.s.she could breathe again, she'd dived into the bathroom for a quick shower,then armored herself in her frumpiest nights.h.i.+rt and, for good measure, therobe that was making her feel hot and uncomfortable.
It annoyed her no end that she was still vulnerable to the man-and very tempted.
The house was quiet as she stalked to her dresser and glared at herreflection. Her cheeks were stained with color and her eyes were bright.
Behind her was her bed. Her very ordinary double bed. No one had slept thereexcept her. But now she saw him there, stretched out on his back, his legssprawled in that loose-jointed way he had, his eyes dark and hungry.
Desire was a gloved fist hitting her squarely in her midsection.
”What a lousy, stinking thing to do,” she muttered to the cat who sat on herpillow, staring at her in the mirror with the unblinking eyes of a born cynic.”You were there, Trouble,” she muttered, picking up her hairbrush. ”You sawhow hard I tried to keep the marriage together. Ibegged him to fight for usthe way he'd fought that horrible Russian. But you saw how he avoided me, how... how he flinched when I touched him.”
It had hurt then. It hurt now.
She jerked the brush through her hair, wincing as the bristles sc.r.a.ped herscalp. ”I adored him, Trouble,” she muttered as she ruthlessly twisted herhair into a spinster's knot at the back of her head. ”The blasted man broke myheart at the precise moment when I needed him most.” She jammed another pininto the bun and glared at the cat in the mirror. ”I won't ... Ican't go throughthat again.”
”Guess I can't blame you.”
She spun around to find Grady leaning against the doorjamb with his armscrossed, watching her with hooded eyes. Below the bill of the ratty cap he'dlifted from his SWAT team brother, Elijah, his face was flushed from wind andexertion, and his s.h.i.+rt was sweat darkened in a raggedly triangular patch fromhis shoulders to his lean belly. He looked hot and virile and very, very male.She held her breath, then realized she was waiting ...wis.h.i.+ng for him to chargeacross the room and sweep her into his arms.
In spite of the s.e.xless image she had carefully pulled around her, a part ofher was desperate to feel the wild exhilaration of his touch, the mindlesspleasure that splintered into rainbow shards of bliss when he was hot and hardinside her.
He didn't move. She stopped wis.h.i.+ng.
”I think we need to set some ground rules for the next few weeks.” She'dtried for stern and ended up with peevish. ”For starters, you have got to buysome pajamas.”
He didn't smile, but his eyes crinkled just enough to tell her he'd thoughtabout it. ”I'll agree to bottoms. No tops.”
”And no flirting.”
His mouth slanted this time. ”You're going to have to define that for me,honey.”