Part 5 (1/2)

I have spasms and enjoy them Sometimes, I have a dickens spasm, and read some of his books for the _n_th ti to discover whether a book is worth a second reading If it isn't, it is hardly worth a first reading, I don't get tired of my friend Brown, so why should I put dickens off with a mere society call? If I didn't enjoy Brown I'd not visit hiain So with dickens, Mark Twain, and Shakespeare The story goes that a second Uncle Re away on an old discordant violin AWith no interruption of his musical activities, he answered: ”Boss, I'se serenadin' m' soul” Book or violin, 'tis all the sa our souls and the exercise is good for us

I was laid by with typhoid fever for a feeeks once, and the doctor ca and at five o'clock in the afternoon If he happened to be a bit late I grew impatient, and my fever increased He discovered this fact, and was no”John Fiske” at the time, and Grant's ”Memoirs,” and at each visit reviewed for me what he had read since the previous visit

He er needed to take my history by proxy, for I kept hi twice a day I don't knohat drugs he gave ood for typhoid, and heartily colad now that I had typhoid fever

I listen with arow voluble on the weather and their symptoms, and often wish they would ask me to prescribe for them I'd probably tell them to become readers of Williaht seehbor caave her ”Les Miserables,” which she returned in a day or so, saying that she could not read it I knew that I had overestimated her, and that I didn't have a book around of her size I had loaned e,” ”Uncle Remus,” and ”Sonny” to the children round about

I like to browse around airls acquire the sa for pure enjoy Sorapefruit for breakfast, solad not to board at a place where they have standardized breakfasts and reading If I feel in the hbor has a casaba er for that book, and ahbor to have his ”Henry Esmond” The appetite for books is variable, the same as for food, and I'd rather consulta book as a coh a lazy afternoon beneath theofI'd have to find out whether the boy was yearning for porterhouse steak or ice-creaht help him make a selection The best I can do is to have plenty of steak, potatoes, pie, and ice-cream around, and allow him to help himself

CHAPTER XIX

MAKE-BELIEVE

The text may be found in ”Over Beentle hypocrisy is not only the basis but the salt of civilized life” This state of raph of myself made I saw that Mr Lucas has some warrant for his statement There has been only one Oliver Cromwell to say: ”Paint me as I am” The rest of us huraph is true to life I don't want it I'et it to think I look like that If I were a wo for a picture the case raph is very grateful to us mortals whether we admit it or not My friend Baxter introduced me once as a man who is not two-faced, and went on to explain that if I had had two faces I'd have brought the other instead of this one And that's true I expect the photographer to evoke another face for ift of ives race of a finished courtier, and never, by word or look, reveals his knowledge of my hypocrisy

As a boy I had a full suit of couests were present, and so was always sorry to have guests coe; I didn't swing s unless I had a lapse of memory; I said, ”Yes, ma'am,” and, ”No, ma'am,” like any other parrot, just as I did at rehearsal; and, in short, I was a most exemplary child save for occasional reactions to unlooked-for situations The folks kneas posing, and were on nettles all the while fro, and I kneas posing But we all pretended to one another that that was the regular order of procedure in our house So we had a very gratifying concert exercise in hypocrisy We said our prayers that night just as usual

With such thorough training in e that I now consider es At a h I feel positively pugnacious But I know the singer has an encore prepared, and I feel that it would be ungracious to disappoint her

Besides, I argue with myself that I can stand it for five minutes more if the others can Professor Jaht to do at least one disagreeable thing each day as an aid in the develop rather keen on character developreeable while opportunity favors HenceThen, too, I realize that the time and place are not opportune for an expression of my honest convictions; so I choose the line of least resistance and well-nigh blister my hands to emphasize my hypocrisy

At a formal dinner I have been known to sink so low into the depths of hypocrisy as to eat shri next to a lady who see better than to becouished ancestors, even shrimp salad has its uses Now, under norards shrimp salad as a banality, but at that dinner I ate it with apparent relish, and tried not to make a wry face But, worst of all, I complimented the hostess upon the excellence of the dinner, and extolled the salad particularly, although we both knew that the salad was a failure, and that the dinner itself convicted the cook of a lack of experience or else of a superfluity of potations

When the refreshments are served I take a thimbleful of ice-cream and an attenuated wafer, and then solemnly declare to the maid that I have been abundantly served In the hallowed precincts that I call my den I could absorb nine rations such as they served and never bat an eye And yet, inmy adieus to the hostess, I thank her , refresh to eat Such are some of the manifestations of social hypocrisy These all pass current at their face value, and yet we all know that nobody is deceived Still it is great fun to play make-believe, and the world would have convulsions if we did not indulge in these pleasing deceptions In the clever little book ”Molly Make-Believe” the girl pretends at first that she loves the man, and later on comes to love him to distraction, and she lived happy ever after, too When, in ive a nue me, and I can't think that St Peter will bar her out just for that

The psychologists give enerate an eerent attitude, they claierent; that in a loafing attitude I shall presently be loafing; and that, if I assu most intently This seems to be justified by the experiences of Edwin Booth on the stage He could feign fighting for a tireat care had to be taken to avert disastrous consequences when his sword fully struck its gait I believe the psychologists have never fully agreed on the question whether thefrom the bear because he is scared or is scared because he is running

I dare say Mr Shakespeare was trying to express this theory when he said: ”assuh you have it not” That's exactly what I' to have theood tilad to have theence and politeness, thinking that their attitudesemotions It is a severe strain on a boy at ti missiles We both know that his politeness is mereour ways of hypocrisy hoping that good irl over in the central station, wherever that is, who certainly is beautiful if the voice is a true index Her tones are dulcet, and her voice is so mellow and well modulated that I visualize her as another Venus I suspect that, when she began her work, some one told her that her tenure of position depended upon the quality of her voice So, I iine, she assumed a tonal quality of voice that was really a sublimated hypocrisy, and persisted in this until now that quality of voice is entirely natural I can't think that Shakespeare had her specially in ood fortune to meet her, I shall certainly ask her if she reads Shakespeare Now that I think of it, I shall try this treatment on ht to take a course of training at the telephone-station

I aave expression to a great principle of pedagogy in what he said about hypocrisy, and I shall try to be diligent in applying it If I can get my boys to assume an arithmetical attitude, they ive reat joy I don't care to have thes either about me or the work, but would rather have them look polite and interested, even if it is hypocrisy I'd like to have all irls act as if they consider ht, as well as the enerous, scholarly, skillful, and complaisant schoolmaster that ever lived, no matter what they really think

CHAPTER XX

BEHAVIOR

If I only kne to teach English, I'd have far et on The system breaks down too often to suit ant English through the process of reading froht of caain I have a book here in which I read that it is the business of the teacher so to organize the activities of the school that they will function in behavior Well, lish indicates that I haven't organized the activities of lish class very effectively I seelish class My cherries are large and round, a joy to the eye and delightful to the taste The fruit expert tells anized the activities in that orchard efficiently In fact, the behavior ofBut when I hear my pupils talk or read their essays, and find a deal of imperfect fruit in the way of solecisms and anizing the activities in this human orchard

I think reeable assulish as they do the measles if only they are exposed to it So I expose them to the objective cohast at their behavior when they iven nule these big words merely because I happen to see the to be impressive I recall how often I have felt a thrill of pride as I have ladled out deliberative subjunctives, ethical datives, and hysteron proteron toLatin pupils If I were a soldier I should want to wear one of those enormous three-story military hats to render me tall and impressive I have no desire to see a drue The disillusion to wear my shako, I must continue to talk of objective colish

I had watched men make a hundred barrels, but when I triedbarrels is not violently infectious But I suspect that it is quite the salish in this respect My behavior in that cooper-shop, for a time, was quite destructive of materials, until I had acquired skill by anize the activities in lish class so that they would function in such behavior as Lincoln's ”Letter to Mrs

Bixby,” I should feel that Iall my time to my cherry-orchard Or, if I could see that lish as the result of rade as a schoolriculture, and one of his boys produced one hundred and fifty bushels of corn on an acre of ground That's what I call excellent behavior, and that schoolanize the activities of his class My boy's yield of thirty-seven bushels, mostly nubbins, does not compare favorably with the yield of his boy, and I feel that I ought to reforht of ca a hundred and fifty bushels of corn per acre

If I could only asseive an account of therade thereater accuracy than I can possibly do now Of course, I'd sie, I radethem such folks as Edison, Burbank, Goethals, Clara Barton, and Frances Willard My neighbor John says theexperience that a man can have is to wear a pair of his son's trousers that have been cut down to fit his as that in the presence of pupils who had made such notable achievements But, should they tell ood lory enough forme only yesterday of a bit of work he did the day before in the way of revealing a process in che the superintendent say that that bit of information is worth a thousand dollars to the establishrade his behavior one of these days