Part 26 (1/2)
”They played school sports. It was much cheaper.”
”That's all bulls.h.i.+t. You wanted to sing. Did you tell them you wanted to sing?”
She looked down at her hands. ”I asked. Once.”
”And?”
”Mom explained that with dance and the boys in sports, there just wasn't the time. Or the money. They said maybe some other time, once there was more money for singing lessons, but I never asked again.”
”And your dream went up in a puff of smoke.”
She didn't say anything, but Ty could imagine what it must have been like for her. If he hadn't been allowed to play hockey, it would have crushed him. He brushed her hair away from her face. ”I'm sorry.”
”It's no big deal. We can't always have everything we want.”
”It is a big deal. It's what you loved.”
”I liked dancing, too.”
”Yeah, well I liked playing basketball, but it wasn't what I loved. I got to do what I loved.”
She lifted her gaze to his. ”So did I, when I went to Europe.”
And then someone crushed her dream again. He ached for her. ”Now you have another chance.”
”Oh, I don't think so. I have a career now.”
”You have a job. You have a great talent, Jenna. Why aren't you out there showing it off?”
”Because I'm happy to just sing. I don't need anyone else to hear it.”
”Are you really content with that? You write all these songs and you hide in your office singing them. And you're happy with you being the only one hearing them.”
She didn't answer, but he saw her flicker of a glance over to the guitar.
”You're afraid.”
She snapped her gaze back to his. ”No, I'm not.”
”Yeah, you are. You're afraid you won't be good enough. You're still letting that rejection hold you back.”
”That's bulls.h.i.+t.” Her gaze narrowed. ”And why is this so important to you, anyway?”
”Because I've been there.”
She leaned forward. ”What do you mean?”
”Playing professional hockey is a lot different than doing it for fun or even in college. It's doing it for money, making a career out of it. Do you think I wasn't afraid of failing? I'm not big on failing.”
”So you once thought about not doing it?”
”Yeah. I was good and I knew I was good. I had a gut feeling I could make it, but I wasn't being branded as some future superstar with a guarantee of success. If I didn't make it, I didn't know if I could handle the rejection.”
She reached for his hand, clasped it between hers. ”It's hard to put yourself out there. The potential for failure is difficult for a lot of people to deal with. I don't blame you for being cautious.”
He laughed. ”Honey, I wasn't just cautious. I nearly walked away from it all on the off chance I wouldn't become a success. It was the dumbest thing I almost did.”
”So what changed your mind?”
”My mom. She said everything always came easy to me, and I had real talent. I'd always been a winner and that was great and all, but until I failed at something I'd never appreciate what success really meant.”
Jenna nodded. ”Your mother sounds like a very wise woman.”
”I don't know about that. She isn't without her own faults and failures. But knowing she failed and picked herself up and started over made me believe I could do the same thing.”
”Then it sounds like she knows what she's talking about. The voice of experience and all that.”
”Yeah, I listened to her advice and I took the leap.”
”Was it scary?”
”Scary as h.e.l.l. And I did fail a few times. Got my a.s.s kicked down to the farm clubs, had to work my way back up. Learned along the way that you have to work hard to succeed in this sport, the wrong att.i.tude will get you sent down faster than you can spit, and the cream rises to the top.”
”You've obviously had a successful career, so you've done some things right.”
He nodded. ”Some things, yeah. But lurking right around the corner is failure. You can't overthink everything. Like those losses we've had recently. Spending time dwelling on them doesn't help. If all you focus on is the failures, you can't keep your eyes on success. I don't think any athlete-or any performer-ever forgets that. If they do forget it, they're likely to fail.”
”So what you're telling me is I'm not the only one who's afraid.”
He rubbed his thumb over her the top of her hand. ”No, babe. You're not the only one.”
”I'll give it some thought.”
”Maybe you could start by singing in front of your family.”
Her eyes widened. ”No. I can't.”
He rolled his eyes. ”I don't think you're giving your family enough credit. They seem really supportive.”
”Yeah. They're incredibly supportive. That's the problem.”
He frowned. ”I don't get it.”
She rubbed her temple. ”I know you don't.”
”Then explain it to me. Your parents seem to love all their kids. I don't think it would matter what they did. Either way, you have to start somewhere. How else will you achieve your dreams? What do you want to do?”
”I've told you before. I'm already doing-”
He put his fingers to her lips. ”No, really. What are your dreams? Be straight with me. What would you really love to do with your life?”