Volume Ii Part 9 (1/2)
Burrage, moreover, felt as if she hadn't heard half she wanted about Miss Tarrant's views, and there were so many more who were present at the address, who had come to her that afternoon (losing not a minute, as Miss Chancellor could see) to ask how in the world they too could learn more--how they could get at the fair speaker and question her about certain details. She hoped so much, therefore, that even if the young ladies should be unable to alter their decision about the visit they might at least see their way to staying over long enough to allow her to arrange an informal meeting for some of these poor thirsty souls. Might she not at least talk over the question with Miss Chancellor? She gave her notice that she would attack her on the subject of the visit too.
Might she not see her on the morrow, and might she ask of her the very great favour that the interview should be at Mrs. Burrage's own house?
She had something very particular to say to her, as regards which perfect privacy was a great consideration, and Miss Chancellor would doubtless recognise that this would be best secured under Mrs. Burrage's roof. She would therefore send her carriage for Miss Chancellor at any hour that would be convenient to the latter. She really thought much good might come from their having a satisfactory talk.
Verena read this epistle with much deliberation; it seemed to her mysterious, and confirmed the idea she had received the night before--the idea that she had not got quite a correct impression of this clever, worldly, curious woman on the occasion of her visit to Cambridge, when they met her at her son's rooms. As she gave the letter back to Olive she said, ”That's why he didn't seem to believe we are really leaving to-morrow. He knows she had written that, and he thinks it will keep us.”
”Well, if I were to say it may--should you think me too miserably changeful?”
Verena stared, with all her candour, and it was so very queer that Olive should now wish to linger that the sense of it, for the moment, almost covered the sense of its being pleasant. But that came out after an instant, and she said, with great honesty, ”You needn't drag me away for consistency's sake. It would be absurd for me to pretend that I don't like being here.”
”I think perhaps I ought to see her.” Olive was very thoughtful.
”How lovely it must be to have a secret with Mrs. Burrage!” Verena exclaimed.
”It won't be a secret from you.”
”Dearest, you needn't tell me unless you want,” Verena went on, thinking of her own unimparted knowledge.
”I thought it was our plan to divide everything. It was certainly mine.”
”Ah, don't talk about plans!” Verena exclaimed, rather ruefully. ”You see, if we _are_ going to stay to-morrow, how foolish it was to have any. There is more in her letter than is expressed,” she added, as Olive appeared to be studying in her face the reasons for and against making this concession to Mrs. Burrage, and that was rather embarra.s.sing.
”I thought it over all the evening--so that if now you will consent we will stay.”
”Darling--what a spirit you have got! All through all those dear little dishes--all through _Lohengrin_! As I haven't thought it over at all, you must settle it. You know I am not difficult.”
”And would you go and stay with Mrs. Burrage, after all, if she should say anything to me that seems to make it desirable?”
Verena broke into a laugh. ”You know it's not our real life!”
Olive said nothing for a moment; then she replied: ”Don't think _I_ can forget that. If I suggest a deviation, it's only because it sometimes seems to me that perhaps, after all, almost anything is better than the form reality _may_ take with us.” This was slightly obscure, as well as very melancholy, and Verena was relieved when her companion remarked, in a moment, ”You must think me strangely inconsequent”; for this gave her a chance to reply, soothingly:
”Why, you don't suppose I expect you to keep always screwed up! I will stay a week with Mrs. Burrage, or a fortnight, or a month, or anything you like,” she pursued; ”anything it may seem to you best to tell her after you have seen her.”
”Do you leave it all to me? You don't give me much help,” Olive said.
”Help to what?”
”Help to help _you_.”
”I don't want any help; I am quite strong enough!” Verena cried gaily.
The next moment she inquired, in an appeal half comical, half touching, ”My dear colleague, why do you make me say such conceited things?”
”And if you do stay--just even to-morrow--shall you be--very much of the time--with Mr. Ransom?”
As Verena for the moment appeared ironically-minded, she might have found a fresh subject for hilarity in the tremulous, tentative tone in which Olive made this inquiry. But it had not that effect; it produced the first manifestation of impatience--the first, literally, and the first note of reproach--that had occurred in the course of their remarkable intimacy. The colour rose to Verena's cheek, and her eye for an instant looked moist.
”I don't know what you always think, Olive, nor why you don't seem able to trust me. You didn't, from the first, with gentlemen. Perhaps you were right then--I don't say; but surely it is very different now. I don't think I ought to be suspected so much. Why have you a manner as if I had to be watched, as if I wanted to run away with every man that speaks to me? I should think I had proved how little I care. I thought you had discovered by this time that I am serious; that I have dedicated my life; that there is something unspeakably dear to me. But you begin again, every time--you don't do me justice. I must take everything that comes. I mustn't be afraid. I thought we had agreed that we were to do our work in the midst of the world, facing everything, keeping straight on, always taking hold. And now that it all opens out so magnificently, and victory is really sitting on our banners, it is strange of you to doubt of me, to suppose I am not more wedded to all our old dreams than ever. I told you the first time I saw you that I could renounce, and knowing better to-day, perhaps, what that means, I am ready to say it again. That I can, that I will! Why, Olive Chancellor,” Verena cried, panting, a moment, with her eloquence, and with the rush of a culminating idea, ”haven't you discovered by this time that I _have_ renounced?”
The habit of public speaking, the training, the practice, in which she had been immersed, enabled Verena to unroll a coil of propositions dedicated even to a private interest with the most touching, most c.u.mulative effect. Olive was completely aware of this, and she stilled herself, while the girl uttered one soft, pleading sentence after another, into the same rapt attention she was in the habit of sending up from the benches of an auditorium. She looked at Verena fixedly, felt that she was stirred to her depths, that she was exquisitely pa.s.sionate and sincere, that she was a quivering, spotless, consecrated maiden, that she really had renounced, that they were both safe, and that her own injustice and indelicacy had been great. She came to her slowly, took her in her arms and held her long--giving her a silent kiss. From which Verena knew that she believed her.
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