Part 2 (1/2)

(_Enter_ Miss POLLY HOPKINS.) POLLY.--How do you do sir? I am looking for the man who lived in the house that Jack built.

PUNCH.--(_aside_) Oh, good gracious what a pretty girl: in the language of Shakspear, I am the man.

POLLY.--Why your name is Mr. PUNCH, I know you!

PUNCH.--Yes, (_aside_) how on earth did that little girl learn my name?

My little daughter, there are said to be one hundred rooms in my house--but I never could find but ninety--where the other ten are I never knew. But there are about one thousand big Norway rats who live in this house--run riot all night and don't pay no rent. Three days ago I wrote on a number of pieces of papers for the rats to leave--one of these papers was put in every rat-hole in this house.

POLLY.--Have they left?

PUNCH.--_I don't hear no noise for two days_--I think they are making up their minds to seek homes elsewhere.

POLLY.--Did you ever catch any of them?

PUNCH.--Oh, yes, bless you, I made a pot-pie of big fat rats but I could not eat it. I never did like rats any way you can cook them.

POLLY.--What did you do with the pot-pie?

PUNCH.--I gave it to my wife's poor relations.

POLLY.--Mr. PUNCH, 'mother says you are my grandfather's great uncle--when I was a little child you promised me a dollar!'

PUNCH.--I remember it, that was six years ago. (_He sings and dances._) It is nice to be a father. (PUNCH _puts_ POLLY _through a course of spelling._)

POLLY.--Uncle, you won't forget the dollar?

PUNCH.--No. Now I want you to spell sugar. (_She tries and fails._) Follow me my child--now, s-u-g-a-r. (_She repeats the letters but fails to tell what they spell._)

PUNCH.--What does that spell?

POLLY.--I don't know.

PUNCH.--What does your mother put in her tea?

POLLY.--A spoon!

PUNCH.--Bah! sugar my child.

POLLY.--Uncle, don't forget the dollar.

PUNCH.--I'll not forget it--now, POLLY, follow me--(_he proceeds and she repeats_) m-i-l-k--what does that spell?

POLLY.--Sugar.

PUNCH.--No it don't: What do you get in your little mug every morning, when you go round the corner, for your mother?

POLLY.--Whiskey!